Chapter 1 — Farewell Message Deleted

1In the fourth year of a long-distance relationship, while on a video call with his boyfriend, his classmate An Du suddenly entered the frame. She pursed her lips: "Ms. Manh Gia, today Tham Chu still hasn't completed his exam practice task." I was stunned for a moment, just about to say "just talking for ten minutes" when she spoke again: "Oh right, the entertainment news you sent during the day, I conveniently filtered it for him. Every time he looks at those things, he loses concentration and his study efficiency drops by half." She tilted her head, her tone innocent: "I won't blame you for many things." right?” Tham Chu bowed his head and flipped through the book, not refuting. I was stunned. Recalling the photos of sunsets, roadside restaurants and the newly bought dress that I sent him, he never replied. Turns out it was all "cleaned up". My chest feels like it's being blocked by a cotton ball, tight and tight. Finally, Tham Chu raised his head: "An Du helping me organize the information is a good thing." An Du suddenly leaned closer to the screen and lowered his voice: "I heard that that year you only got five hundred points in the university entrance exam, but Tham Chu got more than six hundred and seventy points..." She paused, as if considering her words: "He always said he wanted to take the graduate exam in the same city as you, but your scores were too different, he could only lower his goal to please you." After saying that, she backed away. Coming to Tham Chu's side, he gently patted his shoulder: "Hold on, I'll be by your side." Tham Chu raised his head and nodded at her. Those eyes were gentle and natural, as if they were so used to being side by side like that. My throat was tight, my chest felt like it was being slowly tightened by a small thread. "Then you should rest soon." I tried to stay calm and ended the call. The phone screen was still bright, showing the last message I sent him: "It's raining today, remember to wear more clothes." There was no answer next to him. Just like the past four years. It turns out he was never absent, he was just absent from my life. …… I exited the video call, my trembling fingertips opened the chat history with Tham Chu. Scrolling up, all are messages I sent unilaterally. I sent photos in the afternoon, sent sweet and sour fried ribs in the canteen, sent the yellow cat squatting on the side of the road. And his reply messages are pitifully few. A few hours later there was a "yes", two days later there was a "okay". Sometimes it's even just an emoji. I logged out and opened his personal page. The background image has been changed. Before that is a photo of us together on New Year's Eve. Now, it has been replaced by a photo taken at the awards ceremony. An Du stood to his right, their heads slightly tilted towards each other, looking like a good pair of partners. The eye sockets suddenly became hot. I blinked to force the tears back, but they still slid down first. Just as I was about to turn off the screen, a message from An Du appeared on the top of my phone. "Ms. Manh Gia, there are a few words I've been thinking about for a long time, but I still want to say them to you. If you really want to be good for Tham Chu, then don't always send trivial things like that. Every day he studies until dawn. As soon as the phone rings, he can't help but have to look at it. After reading it, it takes ten minutes to focus again." "Those pictures of dogs and cats and dinner you sent... really." It doesn't mean anything to him. He doesn't want to answer, but he feels that not answering is bad. Every time you have to hesitate for a long time, do you know how much mental effort that is?" "His school's benchmark score is so high, but your score is so low. How many more nights does he have to stay up to close the gap? You say you want to be good for him, but is there anything you do that really helps him?" picture. Each

The letters are like a small needle piercing the heart. I typed a line of words, and finally sent only one sentence: "Does he... know that you sent these words to me?" She answered very quickly: "Of course he knows. He said that you always send irrelevant information, but he is afraid to say it directly for fear of hurting your pride. He asked me to convey the message." I looked at the four words "asked me to convey the message", my throat felt like something was blocking it. An Du sent another message: "Ah, he also told me to tell you, from now on, don't call during class anymore. If you have something to do, just text, he will see, but he won't necessarily respond. I'll sympathize a bit." As if possessed by a ghost, I opened An Du's personal page. The latest post is from yesterday, accompanied by a photo taken in a hotpot restaurant. Tham Chu sat opposite, in the bowl was a piece of beef stomach that she picked up for him: "Weekend energy meal with studying." Scrolling up, last week was a photo of mountain climbing, two people standing on the top of the mountain raising their hands in a V shape. Before that, under the cherry blossoms, the self-study room at midnight, the newly opened pastry shop. Every photo has him. Tham Chu, who always told me: "I don't have time." "I'm busy reviewing." Turns out it wasn't that he didn't have time, but that his time was spent on other people. Today's call, I originally wanted to tell you that I was accepted directly into the graduate program. The school is located right in your city. Finally, I don't have to wait a screen away for him to reply to messages anymore. But now, all those words are stuck in my throat, a dull pain that makes me suffocate. I typed three words: "Break up." 2 The next day, I turned on my phone. In the chat frame with Tham Chu, the sentence "Let's break up" is still alone at the bottom of the screen, with no answer. Like all the messages I've sent over the past four years, they've sunk to the bottom of the ocean. I looked at the screen and couldn't help but laugh. It turned out that even about the breakup, he was too lazy to answer. Right when I was about to turn off the screen, a message in the class group appeared. That is the list of participants in a friendly basketball match between schools. I just glanced at it and saw Tham Chu's name. Next to it there is also the name An Du. The roommate stopped to look, clicked his tongue twice: "The two of them are a famous couple studying for graduate exams at Eastern University. Every day they stick together in the library, even the teacher said they were a good match." She opened a screenshot of An Du's personal page: "Look, how compatible they are. One person ranked first, one person ranked second, even the certificate of merit was accepted as a couple." I swallowed the sour taste in my throat and nodded in agreement. But his fingertips quietly pressed deep into his palm. From that day on, I intentionally avoided the library, the stadium and all the roads where I could meet him. But right at the moment I stood in front of the counselor's room, I looked up and saw him face to face. Tham Chu lost a little weight. Shirt sleeves were rolled up to his forearms, holding a stack of documents in his hand. Seeing me, his steps stopped, then smiled: "Gia Gia? Long time no see. Let's go eat together?" I was about to shake my head, but breaking up is not a small matter, anyway, I should say it directly. So I nodded. As soon as she finished speaking, An Du naturally stood next to Tham Chu, curled her eyes and smiled at me: "Is Manh Gia also here? That's good, let's go together." She tilted her head to look at Tham Chu: "Have you chosen a place yet?" Tham Chu shook his head. An Du immediately turned to me: "Then choose Manh Gia, we rarely have the opportunity to gather." I casually mentioned the Sichuan restaurant in front of the school gate. An Du softly said "oh": "Lately his stomach is not good, the doctor doesn't give him spicy food. Doesn't Ms. Manh Gia know?" I pursed my lips and changed to a Cantonese-style restaurant with frugal dishes. An

Du shook his head again: "That restaurant has too much oil. Last time he finished eating, he had gastric reflux in the middle of the night." She paused, her voice carrying a bit of helplessness mixed with a smile: "Ms. Manh Gia, how come you don't know that he can't eat anything?" I changed four or five places in a row. Every time I mentioned a place, An Du could find a reason for Tham Chu to refuse. Too far, too noisy, not clean, have to queue too long. Finally, she pursed her lips, as if she had given in: "Okay, I'll still choose. Neither of you can be trusted." Tham Chu bowed his head and smiled, his voice gentle: "It's been hard for you." An Du glanced at him, half seriously and half jokingly mumbling: "I'm the one standing between you two. Today's meal must be considered a big credit to you, remember to thank me properly later."The two of them toss and turn. I stood beside, looking at Tham Chu's profile as he smiled at An Du, my heart felt like someone was squeezing me, I couldn't breathe. After four years of long distance relationship, I still think that there is only geographical distance between us. It turned out that I was so far away that I couldn't enter his life anymore. The words "Let's break up" got stuck in my throat. Suddenly I felt like it didn't matter whether I said it or not. When ordering, An Du received the menu. She pointed to the fried egg and shrimp dish and said that Tham Chu was losing fat recently and had to eat less oil. Pointing at the blanched cabbage again, he said his stomach wasn't good so he had to eat frugally. Then ordered another portion of stewed soup, tilted his head and smiled at Tham Chu: "Last time you said the soup here was delicious, I remember." Tham Chu nodded and naturally continued: "You like salt-roasted ribs, do you want to order another portion?" The two asked back and forth. I sat opposite, like a stranger who had to join the table. An Du suddenly pushed the menu in front of me: "Ms. Manh Gia, please also order what you like." Just as I was about to speak, Tham Chu spoke first: "She doesn't eat very spicy, call her..." He paused. Fingers hovering over the menu, eyebrows slightly furrowed. After a while, he pointed at two dishes, his voice vague: "This and this." I lowered my head to look. Stir-fried lettuce and cold mixed wood ear mushrooms. My throat immediately felt sour. Those are things I have never touched. I'm allergic to wood ear mushrooms, and if I eat lettuce, I'll get a rash. I forgot everything. An Du raised his hand and patted the back of Tham Chu's head, blaming him: "Are you stupid at studying? Those are all the foods I like to eat!" Tham Chu froze, then avoided my eyes, pushed the menu towards me: "Order whatever you want to eat." I shook my head, stood up: "No need. I have work to do tonight, I'll go first." Picking up my bag, I stopped for a moment and bowed my head to tell him: "When you're free, look at my messages." He was indifferent. "Yes" a voice: "An Du helped me filter the messages. If it's important, she will remind you to reply." I smiled, the corner of my mouth hurt because I had to pull it up. Turns out I wasn't even classified as "important". Then there's no need to wait for an answer anymore. I turned around and pushed open the restaurant door. The night wind rushed in, cold enough. 3The next day there was a basketball match. I was dragged by my roommate to look after her younger brother Giang Tri. He had just entered his first year, participating in a competition for the first time, so he was so nervous that his hands were shaking. I bought water and drinks, sat in the yard doing logistics. As soon as the whistle sounded, I unconsciously raised my head and saw the silhouette of Tham Chu dribbling the ball past him. An Du stood on the sideline, holding a towel and mineral water in his hand. Every time he scored, she would clap her hands and shout: "Very beautiful!" When he was panting, she immediately gave him water and wiped away his sweat, her movements extremely skillful. A few surrounding students whispered: "The two of them are really a good match." "Tham Chu didn't get tired of fighting the whole battle, surely An Du's contribution is not small!"