Chapter 5 — Five Lives of Changing Mothers

Telling about his childhood, following his parents on horseback and archery, telling about the strong winds in the desert, the stars in the border. His tone was soft and peaceful, a complete contrast to his usual sharp and proud appearance when facing others. Day by day gentleness nourishes my soul, the outlines of my limbs take shape little by little, and my complete body slowly grows. I quietly feel this unique favor and protection, the bottom of my heart is extremely certain.
8
The peaceful days passed, the emperor thought about his old love, and saw Tham Nhuoc Vi crying madly in the cold palace every day, feeling compassion in his heart. He specially allowed the Queen Mother to visit the cold palace and give a few words of advice. The Queen Mother led her maid into the cold, damp stone house of the cold palace. At a glance, she saw Tham Nhuoc Vi looking haggard and withered. In just a few short months, her sideburns were full of gray hair, her body was thin and dry, and she no longer had half of her former concubine demeanor. Seeing the Queen Mother coming, Tham Nhuoc Vi rushed forward and knelt on the ground, bursting into tears and recounting her many years of resentment. She came from a lowly background and had a lowly status when she first entered the palace. She endured all the torment and bullying of high-ranking concubines, living every day in the situation of looking at other people's faces. In her heart, she realized that only by sitting on the throne and holding supreme power could she live her days in complete peace. For her, the child in her womb has always been the only stepping stone to climb to high position. She always naively believed that after each sacrifice of her soul, there was still a next life to make up for it. Wait until you sit on the throne, then you will make it up to your daughter well. She never thought about the cycle of life and death. Once fate was cut off, there would be no chance to do it again. The Queen Mother quietly listened to her crying, her tone was heavy and sternly scolded her for being extremely confused.
"The love of blood from the past is not an empty promise that relies on the next life to make up for it."
"You single-handedly strangled four times his blood and flesh, five times used his life in exchange for power, and over and over again cut off the relationship between mother and child. Now you have fallen into this fate."
"It's all self-inflicted, even if you regret it, it's useless."
Tham Nhuoc Vi's whole body trembled, and she took out a worn, faded piece of diaper fabric from her chest. That's the corner of her old shirt when she first became pregnant, prepared for me in advance. Her fingertips caressed the fabric over and over again, constantly replaying the scenes before each miscarriage in her head, pretending to rub my belly to comfort me. Until this moment, she completely collapsed and cried loudly. She finally realized that what she lost was never a tool to fight for power that could be used, but rather her biological daughter who wholeheartedly ran towards her and relied on her. I was in Duc Khon palace, between me and Tham Nhuoc Vi there was still a thin bloodline connection, vaguely feeling the sadness and regret rolling in the cold palace. But there is no wave in our hearts. The pain that tore apart my soul and scattered my soul over five lifetimes has long smoothed out all the softness in my heart. I don't hate the hurt she caused, but I also absolutely cannot forgive her for taking my life over and over again to pave the way. True hurt exists, words of late regret do not enough to erase the suffering of five lifetimes. The Queen Mother did not want to stay any longer, so she turned around and left the cold palace. After returning to Tu Ninh palace, she immediately sent messengers to Duc Khon palace. She recounted all of Tham Nhuoc Vi's regretful cries in the cold palace to Concubine Hoa, advising her not to be soft-hearted, not to have half a heart of mercy. At that time, Concubine Hoa was sitting by the window rubbing her belly. After listening to the maid's story, her expression was calm and unruffled.
"I never owed her half of it. I didn't have any enmity in the past, and now I don't have any resentment either. I'm only dedicated to protecting the child in my belly, other people have nothing to do with me."
Since the Queen Mother's visit, Tham Nhuoc Vi completely cut off the idea of asking to see Concubine Hoa. Every day she kept watch inside the cold door of the cold palace. Every morning and dusk, she bowed her head towards Duc Kun palace. Day after day, without interruption.
9
Songs from the border were gradually brought into the royal palace, and the sound of the Nien Canh Nghieu harp at court became more and more frequent. A group of civil servants took turns speaking, pointing directly at General Nien Dai, who held all military authority in the Northwest and was a huge force. Because of suspicions of relying on soldiers for self-esteem, the court raised a wave of restraint and suppression of the Nien family. The emperor had for many years avoided cavalry power from the Nien family. Under the constant prodding of the courtiers, his suspicions became even heavier. From then on, the emperor intentionally stayed away from Duc Khon Palace. The bountiful rewards of the past were all reduced, and he rarely set foot in Concubine Hoa's palace. Mindful people in the harem grasped the king's thoughts and spread rumors in all directions.