Chapter 8 — I Am No Longer His Burden, But He Refuses To Let Go

I didn't answer, nor did I open the car curtain. Outside at that time, the cold wind bit my skin.

"I still think about who she will marry, even though I deliberately didn't come to see her, but I still can't help but think—if she marries someone else, will she have to suffer?

I kept thinking about her and convinced myself that I only saw her as a sister."

"That year at the Flower Lantern Festival, I often arranged to meet Tran Ngoc Dao, but every time I was with her, her name kept appearing in my mind. One time I even mistakenly called her name Chu So."

"I saw her smiling with someone else, my heart didn't stir. But when I saw Tran Thu Ngon sending her to the carriage, I got angry again. After that anger was a panic. I panicked because I didn't know why I was angry, just because she was close to another man?"

"I always thought the person I loved was Tran Ngoc Dao, so I found so many excellent young men for her, just hoping to convince myself that I and her were just brother and sister. But the more I was with Tran Ngoc Dao, the more I felt something was wrong."

"When she confessed that there was someone else in her heart, I felt relieved like a burden had been lifted."

A torrent of words poured out without interruption, as if they had been buried in his heart for a long time. Mother held my hand and looked over with complicated eyes. The city gate was wide open, someone came out to welcome him. The escorting officials were invited to rest, and his father was handed over to another team to receive. Van Chu's voice suddenly stopped. Outside the car, someone called:

“Lady Lac, Miss Lac.”

I lifted the curtain and immediately saw Tran So Ngon wearing official uniform, standing in the middle of the snow, making eye contact with me. He said: "Long time no see." I nodded slightly and gently replied: "Yes, long time no see." Van Chu spurred his horse and did not say another word. From the carriage to your horse is only three steps, but between you and I, there is a difference of two lifetimes. I got out of the car and went with Van Chu to a deserted place on the side of the road. The cold wind hit my face like a knife, and when I opened my mouth, I was immediately exposed to the cold wind. I really don't understand how he was able to say so many words just now. He was wearing a very thick coat, but he could still see his weathered features, his skin was rougher than before, there was no longer any youthful vitality, only the taciturnity and thinness of years remained. Van Chu looked at me, his eyes were deep and quiet, making my heart suddenly shake, remembering his image in his previous life. Suddenly I felt - that previous life was really very far away. I can no longer remember the heart-wrenching pain of that time.

"From the beginning, she gave up everything and arranged her own way out. Only I was foolish, still thinking that only I could save her from the quagmire."

His eyes lightly glanced at Tran So Ngon who was standing not far away, laughing self-deprecatingly: Under the dim gray sky, his voice softly rang out, each sentence was like the winter wind passing through the slit of his shirt, cold and painful:

"I don't want to admit that I've wasted so much time that should have been passionate days with you. I need a reason... a reason to be with you, even if it's not because of love. Whether it's the day I come to your door to propose, or the day I pick you up at the gate, I still always deceiving myself and others, avoiding everything that has ever happened, refusing to accept that today's outcome... was all caused by me.

His voice grew smaller, like a whisper in the wind:

“But the person I love… is you, Sister Sister. I was stupid, deceitful and despicable, that's why I lost you, right?"

People say Van Chu is an unapproachable person, but in reality it's just because he always hides his true emotions behind a cold exterior. That's why. I stared at the white snow background. The snow looks so pristine, but who knows how much rotten mud is hidden under that layer of snow? I blinked slightly, pulled my hood closer, and then gently said to him:

“Van Chu, you said you were lying and vile, I don't know how to respond. Because no matter how you see yourself, in my previous life, I was still the one who benefited from everything. I have no right to criticize you.”

He is a person who wants too much, always thinks that what he has not yet achieved is the treasure, and what he holds in his hand is... not bad, but not enough to satisfy him. He looked at me intently, with sadness in his eyes as if it could melt even cold snow.

“Let's just say we're destined to be together. If we miss each other... then we miss each other."

I stood up and actively widened the distance between us:

“Thank you so much for sending me off along the way. From here, please stop. In this life, we will be at peace, each on our own."

I suddenly remembered the question he once asked me... At first, I intended to keep it for later to answer, making his heart ache for a while longer. But now that I think about it, I don't need it anymore.

"Van Chu, I really... no longer love you."