Chapter 1 — I Don't Wait For Them Anymore

During the Independence Day holiday, I pulled into a rest stop to fill up the gas tanks for both cars. When I walked out of the convenience store, the parking lot was empty. Family of seven people, two cars, no one remembered that there was still one person left in the driver's seat, which was me. I made thirty-six phone calls. No one answered the phone. The first text message I waited for was from my mother: "Go take the car home yourself." No apology, no explanation, not even a question mark. I stared at that line for a long time. Then turn off the chat box and open the ride booking app. Two hours later, the highway was congested into a giant parking lot, and my phone suddenly vibrated continuously because of text messages and calls. But this time, I chose to mute the sound. 【Chapter 1】 October 1st. It wasn't dawn before I woke up. The night before, my mother texted the family group, saying that it was very difficult for the whole family to gather together and that she would go to Thien Dao Lake to play for two days. She told me to get up early to check the traffic. My dad has two cars, a Buick GL8, a Passat of his own. The normal GL8 is driven by my eldest brother, the Passat is my father's. I don't have a car. To be more precise, I have one. The Camry was bought by me with my own savings. But my mother said, "There's no point in driving so many cars, it's wasting gas money," and told me to leave the car at home. Okay. At five-thirty in the morning I went down to the garage, checked the tire pressure, added windshield washer fluid, and stuffed my luggage into the trunk. In my eldest brother's GL8, there was my sister-in-law's makeup box, my nephew's baby chair, and two suitcases belonging to my sister - Tran Dao. Two. Going out for two days, she brought two suitcases. I arranged my belongings one by one, and by the time my eldest brother came down, the car was neat and tidy. He glanced, without saying a word, sat in the driver's seat and adjusted the seat. My sister-in-law picked up her child and walked down, smiling at me: "Bai, it's been hard for you." In the entire family, she is the only one who knows how to say this. Departing at six o'clock, I sat in the back seat of my father's Passat. In front, dad drove and mom sat in the passenger seat. I sat alone in the backseat, next to a thermos and a bag of fruit. That's right, I've always been the one responsible for holding the thermos. Before departing, my mother looked back at me: "Have you brought any medicine for motion sickness? Your sister often gets motion sickness."

“I'm pregnant.”

“Where did you leave it?”

“In my backpack.”

“Bring your backpack to the GL8, in case he needs it.”

I took my backpack down, ran to the GL8 in front, and gave it to Tran Dao who was sitting in the back seat. She didn't even bother to blink, she still had her headphones on, used the back of her hand to pick them up and throw them aside. I stood at the car door, moving my lips, but saying nothing. I ran back to the Passat, got in the car, and started. After driving for an hour and a half on the highway, we arrived at the first stop. Dad said he wanted to go to the bathroom, so he pulled over. The eldest brother's GL8 also followed into the station. Mom asked: "How much gas is left?" Dad looked at the watch: "Half a bottle left."

“Fill up, I don't know if there's a gas station ahead.”

Dad pulled the gas card out of his pocket and gave it to me. I don't have to give it to you, and I don't have to go on my own. But give it to me.

“Go get gas.”

I received the card.

“Put it on the GL8 too.” Mom added a sentence.

I replied “yes”. They go to the bathroom and buy things. I drove the Passat to the pump and filled it up. Then go driving again GL8 passed, also filled up. After refueling, I parked the two cars carefully, then went to the convenience store to buy a bottle of water. The whole process takes about fifteen minutes. When I walked out of the convenience store, my hand was still unscrewing the cap of the mineral water bottle. Parking lot, empty. The two cars are no longer there. I froze on the spot, the bottle cap fell to the ground and rolled around. The first reaction is not anger, but confusion. Did I misremember where I parked? I carried a water bottle and walked around the station's parking lot. The stop on October 1 was as crowded as a festival, but I was very sure... The GL8, dark blue, license plate Shanghai A. The Passat, gray, also license plate Shanghai A. Neither was here. Two cars, seven people. Gone. 【Chapter 2】 I took out my phone. First call dad. The phone rang eight times, but no one answered the phone. Call mom. Goes straight to voicemail. Call me big brother. Ring four times, hang up. Call your sister-in-law. No one answered the phone. Call Tran Dao. Turn off the machine. I called my dad again. Still no one listens. I stood in the October sun, my head pounding. A large truck passed by, and the smell of diesel made me cough. I couldn't believe my eyes, so I called another round. Father, mother, eldest brother, sister-in-law, Tran Dao. Five people, two rounds, ten calls. No one picked up the phone. I started texting the family group.

“Is everyone gone?”

“I'm still at the rest stop.”

“Is anyone looking at the phone?”

“Called but no one answered.”

Message sent, no one responded. I stared at the chat screen, above was still hanging the schedule my mother sent me yesterday. Six gray avatars, no one online. I ordered another round. Third round. Dad's phone finally rang – but it was busy. He is calling someone else. I called five times in a row. Fifth time, still busy. At that moment, I finally realized something: It wasn't that he didn't see my call. He is talking to someone else. And my call is not worth interrupting. When the twenty-seventh call was made, my hands were shaking a little. Not out of anger. Which is a very strange feeling. It's like you struggled underwater for a long time, calling for help for a long time, everyone on the shore heard it, but no one thought you were actually drowning. Thirty-sixth call. Still no one listens. I put my phone away, found a concrete block in a shady spot and sat down. Look at the bustling flow of cars and people passing by. There are families holding each other, there are couples holding hands, there are children riding on their father's neck. I sat there for twelve minutes. The phone rings. It's not a call, it's a Wechat message. My mother's. Just seven words:

“Find your own way home.”

I looked at the screen, waited thirty seconds. Wait for her to send another sentence, "I'm sorry, I forgot about you." Wait for her to say one sentence, "Everyone is turning around to pick you up." Wait for at least an apology icon. But no. The chat frame is silent. Even the words "the enemy is entering" never appeared. 【Chapter 3】 I turned off the phone screen. Sitting on that block of concrete, I flashed through twenty-eight years of my life. As a child, he was sent to his grandmother's house, from the age of four to ten. Six years. During that time, my mother came to visit me exactly three times. Three times. I remember very clearly, because every time I cried and ran after the car. When he was ten years old, he had a younger sister in the family. At that time, the eldest brother was in middle school and was the hope of the whole family. My three-year-old sister is the darling of the whole family. And I am the second child from the countryside, "not yet used to city life". Middle school in boarding, high school in boarding, college away. The number of times you go home each year can be counted on the fingers of one hand. My existence every time I go home is just as invisible.