Chapter 12 — Icebergs Also Know Red Eyes

By the third round, I couldn't breathe. I stopped and put my hands on my knees, breathing heavily. He also stopped.

“Run again?”

“Can't run.”

“Go for a walk.”

We walked side by side on the track. The stadium was deserted in the morning, the air smelled of grass. Halfway around the circle, he suddenly spoke: "Have you eaten yesterday's beef stew?"

“Already eaten.”

“What position?”

“Very delicious.”

“Um.”

Falling into silence again. I secretly looked at him - sharp profile, tight lips, straight eyes. Exactly like before. But it's different. The other day, I looked at him and thought, "This person is very disciplined. No matter how I follow him, I will be skinny." Now I look at him, screaming in my head, "This person's eyelashes are so long." It's gone. It's really gone. After that day, our relationship fell into a strange state. Every day we still jog, eat, and go to the library together. He still cooks for me, still helps me count calories, still says "Look at me" every time I sneak a peek at someone else's fried chicken. But between us there seemed to be an additional layer of barrier. A thin layer that no one is willing to pierce. I won't mention what happened the other day, and neither will you. It was like the two of us secretly reached a compromise - everything remained as before, waiting for me to continue thinking about it when I was ready. But when will I be ready? On the third day, the situation changed. At lunch at the cafeteria, I carried the tray and saw that the seat opposite To Nghien was already occupied. Lam Thi Vu. She was holding a file of documents, leaning slightly to say something to To Nghien. To Nghien's face was cold, chopsticks resting on the plate, not eating. I stood two meters away, my steps stopped. Lam Thi Vu said a word, smiled, and pushed the document aside. To Nghien bent down and glanced over then shook his head. Lam Thi Vu said another sentence - I couldn't hear clearly, but her expression was very serious. Then she reached out and gently touched the back of To Nghien's hand that was placed on the table. Very light, just one touch and it retracts immediately. But I see. To Nghien withdrew his hand very quickly. But she already touched it. I turned around and left. The rice tray was thrown into the cleaning area. I walked out of the cafeteria and stood blankly on the steps. The sun was so hot and bright that it hurt my eyes. Phone vibrates. To Nghien: *Are you here? I saw you.* I didn't answer. To Nghien: *Where are you going?* Didn't answer. To Nghien: *Khuong Loc.* I put the phone in my pocket and went straight. Not angry. It's panic. What right do I have to be angry? What is our relationship anyway? I haven't given you an answer yet, you are waiting for me, in this suspended waiting period, someone else approaches you, what right do I have to speak up? I don't have any rights. But inside my heart, it felt like someone was holding me tightly, suffocating the pain. That afternoon I didn't go to the library, I went to the stadium stands and sat there all afternoon. To Niem's messages keep jumping. To Niem: *What's wrong with you? My brother said you saw him at noon and left immediately* To Niem: *Is it because of Lam Thi Vu?* To Niem: *I tell you that that woman only came to ask about project cooperation, my brother doesn't pay any attention* To Niem: *Khuong Loc, please reply to me* To Niem: *If you don't reply, I'll tell my brother to find you* I replied back a message: *Don't let him come. I want to be alone.* To Niem: *What the hell are you bothering with??? You like him, he likes you, just tell him outright and that's it???* I stared at the screen, typed a line and then deleted it. Type then delete, delete then type. Finally sent a sentence: *I don't know how to start.* To Niem: *Where is that brave face when you flirted with him??? Where is the spirit of rushing straight in and shouting "Be my boyfriend"???* I gave a bitter smile.