Chapter 15 — My House is Not a Living House

"This is a provincially voted award. The Lang Dinh project combined with her personal influence was unanimously approved by the jury. Next month an award ceremony will be held in the province."

“Until then I will go with you.”

Having finished speaking, he patted my shoulder and turned to leave. I stood silently in the hallway, looking up at the sky outside the window. Three years ago. I still live in that one hundred and thirty square meter house. Pregnant but still standing in stew soup for her brother-in-law. Vomiting until the stomach is empty. Three years later. I stand here. One of the ten young designers of the year. Life's script can truly be rewritten by yourself. The award ceremony was held at the province's fine arts museum. The guests attending were all famous designers in the industry and representatives of the real estate industry. I wore a figure-hugging black evening gown. The dress was chosen by Co Thanh Van herself with me.

“You are very beautiful today.”

She adjusted my collar backstage and laughed.

"When you go on stage, remember to hold your head high. You're completely worthy."

When it was my turn to receive the award, the host started reading the introduction.

"Lam Niem So, key designer of Hoa Truc Design Company. Typical representative of the interior project of the Lang Dinh commercial complex, which harmoniously combines humanity and commercial aesthetic values. At the same time, through her personal account 'One Room', she has spread inspiration about living space aesthetics to millions of families, becoming a typical representative of the multi-disciplinary innovation of the generation of contemporary designers."

Applause echoed throughout the auditorium. I walked onto the stage. The light was bright. Standing in front of the microphone, I looked down at the hundreds of faces below.

“Thank you to the judges and seniors in the industry for giving me recognition.”

I said slowly.

"I just want to share one thing. Three years ago, I almost lost everything. My health, my children, and my hope in life. At that time, I thought design was just a job to make a living. But later I understood, it was also the way I gradually rebuilt myself. Every line, every space, every ray of light created is like a reminder to myself that... I can still start again."

The auditorium was silent for two seconds. Then the applause was even louder than before. Holding the trophy and walking off the stage, I was called back by a strange woman.

"Hello Ms. Lam. I am the producer of the program 'Space' of the Provincial Television Station. We would like to invite you to participate in a topic..."

I received the business card. As soon as I returned to my seat, my phone screen suddenly lit up. Message from Tran Trac Vien.

"Congratulations."

Just two words. I glanced at it and locked the screen. After the ceremony, Trinh Hac Nien invited everyone to have a late night dinner. During the party, he raised his glass.

"Hoa Truc was established three years ago. My best decision was to invite Niem So to join. Next year she will become a partner of the company. From now on everyone will have to call General Director Lam."

The whole table burst into laughter and raised their glasses together. I took a sip of red wine. Taste just right. Not too sweet. It's not bitter at all. Everything is just enough. The second week after the awards ceremony, I received a text message from someone I didn't expect. Tran Vu Copper. She sent me a very long WeChat message. Sister-in-law... no, now I have to call her Sister Niem So. I know you probably don't want to hear me say it. But I still want to apologize. A lot has happened in the past year. Later I learned that Phuong Cam Than was having an affair. We are also going through divorce proceedings. Looking back over the years, I realize that I always relied on you, always consumed you without even realizing it. I used to think it was obvious for my sister-in-law to help my brother-in-law. But actually it's not. At that time I was too selfish. I'm sorry, sister. The last line reads: I don't dare hope for your forgiveness. I just want you to know that... I finally understand. After reading it, I didn't answer right away. I left the conversation untouched for three days. On the morning of the fourth day, I texted back.

"Vu Dong, I accept your apology. But I won't say 'it's okay', because something really happened. I lost a child. That cannot be erased with just an apology. I wish you a good life in the future. And I also hope that from now on, you will never take the sacrifices of others for granted again."

After sending the message, I closed the chat box. Do not reopen again. There are apologies... Came too late. In the end, there was just enough meaning left to end everything. Also that week, my mother-in-law asked someone to pass on the message, wanting to meet me once. I asked lawyer Chu to answer on my behalf.

“No see.”

From now on, no matter what happens, we will only communicate through a lawyer. That's enough. There are no more entanglements. One autumn day, two years later. I stood in the resort hotel lobby that I designed myself, quietly watching the sea behind the ground-level glass window. From ideation to completion, this project lasted eighteen months. This is also the biggest work in my career to date. Two hundred thousand square meters. Every little corner is considered and edited by me over and over again. The opening ceremony had many guests. Investor. Communication. And more than half of the entire province's design community. In the middle of the crowd, Trinh Hac Nien raised his glass to me. Standing next to him were several people chatting. I vaguely heard a sentence.

"Now Hoa Truc is the strongest interior design company in the province. Lam Niem So alone can carry half the sky."

I didn't step forward. Just quietly hold a glass of carbonated water and stand in a quiet corner. At that moment, Co Thanh Van sent a text message. I watched the livestream! The hotel is so beautiful! Is it true that you designed it? Did you really design it? Is it really you? I just replied with a smiley face. Late in the afternoon, after the event ended, I walked alone on the hotel's wooden beach walkway. The sea breeze blows. The hem of the skirt fluttered slightly with the wind. The phone rang.

“Niem So, did the opening go smoothly today?”

“Very convenient.”

"Mom and dad saw it on TV. It's so beautiful. It was designed by my daughter."

I laughed.

“Mom, I will come back this Tet.”

“Okay, okay.”

After hanging up, I continued walking forward. Beyond the horizon, the last sunset of the day is slowly sinking. I suddenly remembered myself many years ago. The girl was so sick that she vomited in the middle of a kitchen filled with the smell of grease. The girl lay on the hospital bed, quietly looking at the ceiling and shedding tears. Girl standing alone in the hospital hallway, waiting forever and no one appeared. She never thought this day would come. But step by step she went through. All worthy. Three years later. Hoa Truc Design opened a second branch in the province. I became one of the co-founders. The company's annual revenue exceeds one hundred million. Under my name there are two properties. A designer brand. An account with one million eight hundred thousand followers. Same list of projects with a full schedule for a long time. Those numbers aren't really important. The most important thing is... Every morning when I wake up, I know what I have to do today. The answer is always only one. For yourself. Last month, I was the keynote speaker at a design exhibition in the province. The auditorium that day had more than six hundred people. After the speech, there was an autograph signing session. A young girl stood in line for a long time before it was her turn. She gave me a book of works.

“Miss Lam, I want to ask you a question.”

“You should ask.”

The girl hesitated for a few seconds.

"How did you do that? How could you step out of such an environment... and become the version you are today?"

I opened the pen cap. Write a line on the lining page. Close the book and give it back to her. After reading it, my eyes immediately turned red. There is only one sentence on the page.

"Don't wait for others to give you space. You are that space."

The autograph session ended. Co Thanh Van drove to pick me up. As soon as she got in the car, she asked.

“How was today?”

“What's for dinner?”

“Let's go eat hot pot.”

"Okay. Same place."

Outside the car window, the city lights up. The light continued one after another until the end could not be seen. I leaned back in the chair, quietly watching the scenery pass by outside the window. Then suddenly I remembered someone. Not Tran Trac Vien. But it was me many years ago. The girl once leaned her back against the extra bedroom door and then quietly slid to the floor. If I could meet her again... I just want to say one thing. Please stand up. The road ahead is still very long. But every step you take... Will take you to the right place where you belong.