Chapter 5 — My Whole Family Hates Me

18I don't know why, but my soul left my body and floated in the operating room. Seeing that scene, I didn't feel any emotion. I started looking for Song Lam. Finally, I found him on the fire escape. His face was quiet, no longer the comfortable, happy look he usually had when he was with me. In his hand he held a cigarette, but did not smoke, just let it burn slowly. Turns out he was also scared to death of me... His other hand was holding something, he kept looking at it. I came closer, dumbfounded. It's my photo. Made as small as a card photo. Not black and white like I thought, but bright and full of color. In that photo, I was radiant and beautiful. Before I turned 18, my life was like that picture, dark and stuffy, without any light. But it turns out, my life can be just as bright, brilliant and dazzling. When I returned to the operating room, a familiar face appeared in the hallway. That's my 11th grade homeroom teacher, Ms. Khong. She went to get water, overheard my name from their conversation. Walking closer, she realized it was my parents and the operating room was lit, she immediately understood everything. From her mouth, they learned many more things about me. 19 "Luc Ly is a quiet child, at school she never smiles." "Not only are her friends not close to her, but even some teachers don't like her." "They often call her 'dead-faced' behind her back." "I only know the reason after learning deeply about her, it all comes from you, the parents." "Do you know, many times Luc Ly climbed onto the school's rooftop without warning." "Sitting there the whole time." "Everyone thought she was going to jump down, causing the police and fire department to come." "Several times I called and asked you to come to school to discuss Luc Ly's psychological problems, but time and time again, you said that she was joking or busy with work, and never once came." "Not even the times she got sick at school." "No one came, no, there was one." times.” Ms. Khong pointed at my mother, who was crying until she fainted, “You came to slap her.” She sighed heavily. "Not that I want to say, but are you guys like that as parents?"... "Don't say it anymore, don't say it anymore... it's our fault, it's all our fault..." "We didn't treat A Ly well..." My father held his head and sobbed, unable to bear any more shock. Luc Thanh Lam suppressed his guilt and continuously comforted them. Finally, the nurse had to come and remind the family to keep quiet. The scene at that time was extremely chaotic.20During the summer, I had chemotherapy three times, each lasting from three to five days. The new illness is temporarily under control. I'm much thinner. Song Lam can easily pick me up with one hand. Since Song Lam's grandmother knew I was hospitalized and skinny as a monkey, every day she tried to cook chicken soup and prepare rice for me. My mother also cooks every day, but I don't accept it. That's why Mrs. Song was very pleased, "Only what you cook will she eat." She didn't like my mother, feeling she wasn't worthy of being a parent. After all, what's the use of apologizing? Can an apology erase the hurt of the past 18 years? "You're old, I told you not to come every day anymore." "I'm afraid your health won't be able to handle it." The food was actually very delicious, it's just that my mouth was bitter, I couldn't taste anything. He raised his eyebrows, "I advised her, but she didn't listen." The feeling of discomfort in the stomach gradually increased. I frowned, slowly swallowed the remaining food, and calmly said, "Can you help me ask the nurse when I can leave the hospital?"

Song Lam didn't think much, nodded and went out. As soon as he left, a rush of nausea came. I hadn't even had time to pull out the trash can from under the bed. Everything I had just eaten that was difficult to swallow had already been vomited out. "You asked, the nurse said..."Song Lam's voice stopped suddenly. I lay down on the edge of the bed, not moving. He glanced at the mess on the floor and immediately understood, quickly grabbing the cleaning tools. "You intentionally chased me away, right?" I didn't answer. He gently lifted me up, seeing my face full of tears. A bit helpless, but also a bit funny, "What are you crying for?" I sobbed. "I dirty the floor... I want to vomit in the trash can, but I... I can't make it in time." "I'm so useless..." "Sorry..." He used a tissue to wipe my face. "If you really feel sorry for me, don't chase me away next time." "Okay?" 21 On the day of discharge from the hospital, Song Lam wrapped me tightly. Luc Thanh Lam led his parents to wait at the hospital gate, holding flowers and fruit baskets. When they saw us coming out, they carefully approached, begging me to come home with them. "If you don't want to see anything related to A Van, we've already cleaned it all up. Your room has also been cleaned, go home with your parents, A Ly." I frowned, "You guys touched my room?" "Yes." That sentence reminded everyone of the time I cut my wrists in my room. "Then you must have seen my breakup letter." then.”The night I decided to end everything, I left that letter with them. I broke off this relationship myself. Even though they didn't die that time, it was like there was nothing left for them. Luc Thanh Lam and his mother looked surprised and confused, clearly they didn't know what I was talking about. Only Luc Thanh Lam's face turned pale, perhaps he hid this matter. I don't want to pursue them, nor do I want to get involved with them anymore. "I told you, your daughter is dead. Don't bother my life anymore." "I really, don't want to see you guys again." My decisive attitude made Luc Thanh Lam completely collapse. He shouted behind me. "Luc Ly! How did you finally forgive your family?" I slowly turned around, each word clear. "Never forgive." People who have been broken once, still expect nothing more. Broken countless times, no more expectations. … I enrolled in a local university. My field of study is Modern Funeral Management and Technology, also known as “mortician”. I didn't tell anyone about this. When Song Lam took me to school and saw my major, he knew. "Didn't you ask why?" It was clearly autumn, and everyone around me was only wearing thin coats. As for me, I wore a fur hat and a scarf. I blinked and looked at Song Lam. In any case, this industry in the eyes of many people is not supported or taken seriously. Song Lam smiled lightly, "Actually, I also want to ask. Do you want to say?" "Is there anything you don't want?" The first time I heard the word "burial worker" was when someone verbally attacked me. At the Luc family, my mother did not allow me to smile, because in their eyes I was a "murderer", my smile made them uncomfortable. My father also didn't let me laugh, telling me to understand and not make my mother angry. My brother hates me, saying I only wear a cold face and look unlucky. That's why my classmates gave me nicknames such as: "Dumb-faced", "Faceless monster", "Little monster". "Back then they told me to become a funeral worker in the future, working with the dead because I don't know how to smile anyway." Song Lam and I walked slowly on the street in school. Feeling the vibrant atmosphere around me, my heart is rarely relieved

"After that, I actually went online to learn about this job. To be honest, at first I was very scared." "But thinking back, after all I was about to die, I suddenly felt that dead people are not scary." "At the right time, I didn't smile and no one said I was strange." Song Lam rarely interrupted me, seriously correcting, "Laughing is everyone's right." "As long as you want, you can always smile." I did not argue, just slightly squinted my eyes, revealing a little. He smiled. "Now I think that being a funeral worker is a very honorable profession." "Everyone will die." "Burial staff are angels responsible for sending people off to heaven properly." "If we're lucky..." We suddenly arrived at the big building, I looked up at the majestic building in front of me, and said deeply: "I will become one of those angels."22 (Song Lam's point of view) Luc Ly, that girl, had just finished her midterm exams. first semester of freshman year is to rush back home. Because today is my twenty-sixth birthday. She said, I celebrated her 18th birthday, so no matter what, she couldn't miss the first birthday she knew me. At that time the weather started to get cold. This girl was already weak, even though she was wrapped from head to toe, her hands were still cold. You have to keep it warm for a long time before it warms up a bit. She insisted on cooking longevity noodles for me herself. This little ancestor, doesn't know what his body is like. Just after doing a few movements, I felt tired. In the end, I still cooked three bowls of noodles. Grandma sat in a rocking chair and smiled happily watching us play. Luc Ly said it had been a long time since she had eaten delicious noodles like this, and at school she always missed the taste. She smiled and said that from now on, she would come back every week, so that she wouldn't have to worry about losing her room if she didn't come back for a long time. "Don't worry, my grandchild's room is personally guarded, no one dares to touch it." After that, she ate until she was tired and her voice became weaker and weaker. Finally, she was so tired that she collapsed on the table to sleep. Grandma smiled lovingly and said that little Luc Ly was like a little pig, she slept when she was full. But she slept for a long, long time. It took so long that her grandmother realized something was wrong and came to shake her awake, but she couldn't wake her up. Grandma trembled and asked me, "A Lam, little Luc Ly... what's wrong with her..." The bowl of noodles in her hand was cold. I looked at Luc Ly's peaceful face for a long time, then slowly spoke. "She's so tired, grandma." "Let her sleep." 23 The day Luc Ly passed away, the Luc family could not accept it. They insisted on bringing her body back for the funeral. I don't agree. Because the Red Cross came and took her body away. A man named Luc Thanh Lam even tried to compete with them. Finally, they learned that Luc Ly had donated his body. Her parents also heard it, then they both collapsed to the ground. "Luc Ly... how could you be so heartless as to not leave a body for us..." Luc Thanh Lam completely collapsed, muttering to himself endlessly. I don't pay attention to them anymore. I returned to the shop. Actually, I hesitated to print her portrait. Bad luck. This time, I printed it out myself, a bright color photo. I didn't give it to the Luc family, I left it at home. The following days, I returned to my daily life, going back and forth between home and the shop every day. It is said that Luc Ly's mother seemed to have lost her mind, becoming crazy. She ran out into the streets all day, holding on to passersby, asking if they had seen her daughter. A girl who doesn't smile often, her name is Luc Ly. In the end, she was taken to a mental hospital by Luc Ly's father and brother. One afternoon, I was lying on the rocking chair playing games. A wind blew past, ringing the bell hanging at the door. I looked up, vaguely remembering the question

by Luc Ly. Luc Ly: "Song Lam, you have nothing to do with me, just one of my many customers." "That day, why did you keep following me?" Me: "You may have forgotten, but I always remember." That day, when she turned around suddenly, it made the wind chime at the door ring. "The way you stood at the door looking at me at that time, made me feel like you were asking for help." End