Chapter 6 — Princess Chieu Ninh Chooses Her Imperial Husband

"Then how should we address each other?" The question caught me off guard. Ta Chiet Ngoc had always called me A Lenh. That name had become an old thorn, painful to touch. I said, "Call me Princess." Ve Tuan nodded. "Okay." I felt that this answer was too formal, and I did not know why irritation flared in me. "Well, it's up to you." He looked at me as if weighing the question carefully. When we reached the palace gate, he opened his mouth. "Linh Nghi." My steps stopped. This is my name. Linh Nghi. Very few people call me that. My father called me Chieu Ninh; my mother called me Princess; Ta Chiet Ngoc called me A Lenh. Ve Tuan's voice was slightly stiff, but the final syllable was steady. I did not turn back. "Yes." Outside the palace gate, Ta Chiet Ngoc stood next to the carriage. He saw Ve Tuan and heard him call me Linh Nghi. The color drained from his face. I passed by his side. He suddenly reached out and grabbed my wrist. This time, he seized the exact place where he had pressed my wrist years ago. I frowned in pain. Ve Tuan took a step forward and held Ta Chiet Ngoc's hand. "Let go." Ta Chiet Ngoc raised his eyes. His voice was cold. "This is about me and you." Ve Tuan tightened his grip. Ta Chiet Ngoc's knuckles cracked softly. Ve Tuan said: "She is in pain." Ta Chiet Ngoc released me as if burned. I pulled my hand back. My wrist was already red. Ta Chiet Ngoc looked at that red ring and his whole body staggered. "A Lenh, I'm not..." I interrupted him. "You didn't mean it, right?" His lips were white. I hid my hands in my sleeves. "Ta Chiet Ngoc, you are always like that."
Ta Chiet Ngoc fell ill. After returning from the palace gate, he developed a high fever and called my name throughout the night. Grand Tutor Ta submitted a request for leave, and my father approved it. I did not go to visit. My mother sent someone to urge me not to be cruel, saying that Ta Chiet Ngoc still called for me in his fever. I was trying on wedding dresses. In the red gown, the figure in the bronze mirror looked like someone else. I asked my mother to pass on the message: "You are ill, and a physician will treat you. If I visit, can I truly ease your fever?" Mother fell silent. I said again: "If I visit, will that erase the marriage contract?" Mother bowed her head. "No." "Then don't go." After Mother left, Xuan Dao tied the belt for me, until my eyes stung. "Why does the queen keep forcing the princess to yield?" I looked in the mirror. "Because I gave in." When one person grows used to yielding, the other begins to believe she will always yield. But I did not want it anymore. That night, Ta Chiet Ngoc came anyway. He climbed over the unfinished wall of my residence and was held down by the guards in the courtyard. When I put on my coat and went out, he knelt on the snowy ground, loose strands of hair scattered around his face, his lips gray with cold. A guard's sword rested against his neck. But he only looked at me. "A Lenh, I want to see you." I stood at the far end of the corridor. "You forced your way in." "I know." "Father will punish you." "I know." He coughed a few times. His hands rested in the snow, his fingertips blue with cold. I was silent for a moment, then told the guard to take two steps back. Ta Chiet Ngoc tried to stand, but his knees gave way and he sank back down. He gave a short, humorless laugh. "Before, I always felt that as long as I wanted, I could get everything back on track." I said nothing. He raised his head. "That year when I pressed your hand, I admitted that I was selfish." Snow fell on his eyelids, quickly melting into water. "I was afraid you would shine too brightly and stand too far away, afraid you would stop listening to me. I was also afraid the queen would hate you and that you would suffer in the palace. But what I feared most was that you would no longer need me." My fingers tightened. Finally he said it. It was not entirely about protecting me. He had been afraid. Ta Chiet Ngoc's throat worked. "After that, you really did improve. I watched you retreat, watched you smile and say it was all right. I felt insecure, yet I also felt reassured." Speaking of this, the edges of his eyes turned red. "Because you would look at me and ask what you should do. A Lenh, I am despicable." His words tightened my chest in waves. He planted his hands in the snow and took a step forward. "Punish me. If you want that bow, I will take it back. If you want Tham Thanh Duong to apologize, I will bring her here. If you want me to kneel, I will kneel as long as you ask." I looked at him. "Ta Chiet Ngoc, I do not need any of that." He was stunned. I walked down the steps. The snow seeped into the soles of my shoes, making my toes numb. I stopped in front of him. "You still don't understand. I don't expect compensation from you." The little light in his eyes broke again. I said: "I'm just going forward." Ta Chiet Ngoc reached out and wanted to grab the hem of my dress, but his hand stopped in mid-air. "So what about us?" I looked at him. "You should remain where you are." A very light sound came from his throat, as if something was blocking it. "A Lenh, don't be like that." I said softly: "You taught me, don't keep chasing things that are not right for you." His hand fell heavily into the snow.
One day before the big wedding, Tham Thanh Duong was taken to the palace. She had been brought there.