Chapter 9 — The day I disappeared, they realized their mistake

Tran Vy's voice became more urgent: "Your brother is done—the investment is still paying off the debt, Vuong Le divorced last month, I handed it over to your brother. Your mother's pension is 2,000 a month, your brother now only earns 4,000–5,000—Nham Nhiem, they really can't manage it." I looked outside. The sky in Hangzhou is gray and blue. The buildings lined up, silent as lego blocks.

“Has To Hao borrowed yet?”

"Borrowed. Running everywhere." Tran Vy hesitated, "Your aunt said it's difficult. My cousin said the previous payment hasn't been paid yet. As for you..."

“What did you say?”

"You said—" her voice lowered, "'tell your mother to remember how she treated her sister that year. Tell her when you find her.'"

I closed my eyes. Mr. Liu Kien Quoc. Mother's younger brother. He was the only person in the family who ever said his mother was too biased. When I was little, every time I went to my uncle's house during Tet, he would sneak 200 yuan into my hand and tell me: "Nie Nhiem, try your best to study. Don't be like your mother." After that, my mother argued with him because of this, saying he was "interfering in family matters" and "dividing us." Since then, he rarely comes anymore. Now, the old saying... has been returned intact.

“Nien Niem, your brother is looking for you.” Tran Vy spoke very softly.

"He... asked many people to inquire about your whereabouts. He also returned to the city where you worked and asked everywhere. Of course, he couldn't find anything."

I didn't reply.

"But..." Tran Vy hesitated, "There's something I have to tell you. When your brother was looking for you, he searched your mother's old closet..."

“Luc what?”

"...your old stuff, see if there's a new contact. Then at the bottom of the cabinet... turn over an envelope."

My heart stopped for half a beat.

“What envelope?”

"Nien Niem..." her voice lowered, "it's the university admission notice. The top school in the province. The recipient's name is you."

The hallway was silent. My breathing was twice as heavy as usual.

"Nine years ago. The year you took the university entrance exam."

Nine years ago. The year I took the university entrance exam. That year, every day I went to the security room to ask if there was any letter. For two months. The security guard said no. I thought I failed. I consoled myself that I was probably missing a few points. Console yourself that the town school teaches poorly. Self-comfort is such fate. Then, holding my high school diploma, I went to the city to work. Salary 2,800 yuan. Every month send money back. Turns out—I passed.

"Nien Niem? Are you still there?"

But can't say. I stood in the hallway on the 18th floor, the phone to my ear, my other hand gripping the edge of the glass door, my knuckles turning white. Not college, not second degree. But my mother—hid the notice. She forced me to work and keep tuition for To Hao.

"Your brother asked your mother. Your mother said... at that time, the family couldn't afford to support two children in college, so she thought it wouldn't make much difference whether the daughter studied or not..."

Study or not. Not much different. When those three phrases are put together, the whole hallway seems to rotate. Not angry. Anger is hot. As for me… cold. Cold from the heels to the top of the head.

"Your brother said when he saw the notice—his hands were shaking. He yelled at your mother. Said 'do you know how hard it is'."

To Hao shouted at his mother. That shocked me even more than the newspaper. To Hao—the person who enjoyed all my favors, spent all my money, and never said a word of thanks—yelling at her mother.

"Your mother cried for a long time," Tran Vy said, "she said she had no choice... she said that after you get married, your in-laws will take care of you, and your son must have a degree to find a good job..."

I laughed. Not a happy laugh. It's the kind of laugh that's stuck in your throat and sour all the way to your chest. Boy must have a degree. So To Hao took my tuition money to go to a normal school, worked in sales for five years, then quit and "invested" and lost everything. No degree. Holding a high school diploma, climb each step from the bottom up. Self-study at university, study MBA, from administrative assistant to vice president of sales. Every step... is paid for in flesh and blood. Because I always thought—it was because I wasn't good enough that I didn't get into college. Turns out it wasn't. Turns out... it was taken away. Tran Vy was silent for a long time. Finally she said: "Nim Niem, I will support whatever you decide." I took the phone away from my ear and took a deep breath.