Chapter 1 — The Husband's Secret

The nanny coaxed her daughter to eat, softly singing a tune, putting out and taking the spoon, her movements were so proficient that it was not like someone who had just taken care of a child for three months. I lay on the sofa with my eyes closed, hearing her gently say: "Be good, open your mouth, just like your brother when he was little, he likes to eat steamed eggs the most." My head buzzed loudly. My daughter is my first child, where can I get a brother? I didn't move, my eyelids were closed, but my heart was beating so fast that it felt like it was about to jump out of my throat. She didn't realize I was awake and continued talking. The next sentence made my whole body cold.01Aunt Khuong came to my house, it was Tham Nghien's decision. She is fifty-two years old, has nimble limbs, speaks softly, and works for free. The first day she walked in the door, she sorted Yuanyuan's little clothes by color, and even rinsed the milk bottle in boiling water three times. At that time, I was still in the postpartum recovery phase, had back pain, couldn't sleep well at night, and was skinny. Tham Nghien said, if someone trustworthy helps you, you can go to work with peace of mind. I nodded. At that time, I was really grateful to him. Vien Vien is eight months old and can sit and call people. She doesn't like solid foods, especially steamed eggs. I fed it to him, spitting out half of it in one bite. Aunt Khuong fed her, and the baby became a little more obedient. Aunt Khuong always has a way. She would gently push the spoon against the edge of the bowl, the temperature was just right, then gently touch Vien Vien's lips. "Vien Vien, open your mouth." "Good boy, make another piece." Her voice was low, like someone who had coaxed children for many years. At first I just thought she had experience. She never asked much about domestic matters. Tham Nghien came home late, she didn't ask. My mother-in-law comes once a month, and she's not very talkative. She only takes care of Vien Vien, cooks, and cleans the house. Clean, peaceful, quiet. These three words make me put all my trust. That day I had a slight fever. Early in the morning when I changed Vien Vien's diaper, the back of my hand touched my forehead and I realized it was hot. Tham Nghien has arrived at the company. Before leaving, he just said that there was a meeting today, and he might not be home for dinner yet. I won't hold you back. These days, he is so busy that he sees home as just a rest stop. I took fever-reducing medicine and sat on the sofa waiting for the medicine to absorb. The living room curtains were half drawn, the sunlight was blocked, the house was gray. Vien Vien sat in the high chair and banged on the small table. Aunt Khuong brought out a bowl of steamed eggs. Steamed eggs are very soft, add a few drops of walnut oil. She took a small spoon to stir and sat down in front of Vien Vien. "Our Vien Vien will eat two bites today, is that okay?" Vien Vien looked away. Aunt Khuong smiled. She is in no hurry. She scooped a little with the tip of the spoon and brought it to Vien Vien's mouth. Vien Vien pursed her lips, but didn't spit it out. I leaned back against the sofa, my eyelids were so heavy I couldn't open them. The drowsiness caused by the drug gradually increased. I originally intended to take a nap. But Aunt Khuong hummed and sang a little tune. That melody is very light, I have never heard it before. Just like old people in the countryside often sing aimlessly when comforting children. The spoon comes out and then retracts. The edge of the bowl made a gentle clinking sound. Vien Vien took another bite. Aunt Khuong's voice became even softer. "Be good, open your mouth." "Just like your brother when he was little, he likes to eat steamed eggs the most." My head pounded. At that moment, all sounds in the room seemed to recede. Just two words, brother, pounding right into my ears. Vien Vien is my first child. When I mutilated her, every medical examination form was in my hand. When I gave birth to my baby, Tham Nghien was waiting by my side

outside the delivery room for six hours. Where did he get it, brother? I didn't move. Eyelids closed. But the finger on the edge of the sofa tightened. Aunt Khuong did not detect that I was awake. She was still coaxing. "Let's have another bite." "Your brother was the same when he was little. At first he refused to eat, but after the second bite, he opened his mouth and waited." Vien Vien hit the table top, letting out a short laugh. That laugh always makes me feel soft. But today, I just feel cold. Aunt Khuong finished feeding her a spoonful and whispered again. "You two brothers, even your smiles are the same." My breathing stopped. Two brothers. It's not a matter of saying something wrong. Don't mention other people's children. She spoke so naturally. It was as natural as if she had known that child for a long time. It's as natural as if Vien Vien and that child should have been placed next to each other to talk about. I couldn't open my eyes. I don't even dare open my eyes. I'm afraid she sees my eyes. I'm afraid that as soon as I open my mouth, the fragile peace in this room will crumble. Aunt Khuong used a tissue to wipe the corner of Vien Vien's mouth. The phone in her apron pocket vibrated. She looked down. I heard her put the bowl down. Then, she lowered her voice to answer the phone. "Hello." "Yes, sleeping." "She's eating." She paused for a moment. "I didn't say anything." My heart suddenly sank. After saying this, she raised her head and looked at me. I closed my eyes and lay motionless. A few seconds later, she seemed reassured. The other end of the line didn't know what to say. Aunt Khuong sighed softly. "I know." "But this girl is so similar." "Especially when eating steamed eggs." Vien Vien laughed again. Aunt Khuong patted her head. Next, she said a sentence to the person on the phone. That sentence was very light, but it was like a bucket of cold water pouring straight down from the top of my head. "Wait a few days, brother will come back, Vien Vien will be able to meet you."02Aunt Khuong hung up the phone. She stuffed the phone back into her apron pocket and continued feeding it to Vien Vien. There was no panic in her movements. It was as if the previous words were just normal household matters. I leaned back against the sofa, my fingertips slowly loosening, then slowly tightening. Fever-reducing medicine makes me weak. But my mind has never been so clear. Unquestioned. At least not now. If I sat up and asked her right now who her brother was, she would definitely change her tone. She will say she said it wrong. I will say that I take care of too many children so I speak quickly. She could stay at my house for three months and remember clearly what kind of tea Tham Nghien liked to drink. A person like that wouldn't easily leave a loophole. I continued to pretend to sleep. After Vien Vien had eaten enough, Aunt Khuong took her to wash her hands. The faucet opening is very small. As she washed, she hummed that little melody. "The moon is full, the lights illuminate the wall, the baby sleeps until dawn." The more I heard this melody, the more uncomfortable I felt. I have never sung for Vien Vien. My mother also never sang. But Vien Vien sounded very reassured. The girl lay down on Aunt Khuong's shoulder, her small hand holding her collar. There was a bitterness in my heart. A child is still too young, whoever holds it for a long time, it will become close to that person. It's not the child's fault. Aunt Khuong carried Vien Vien into the bedroom to comfort her. The sound of footsteps fades away. I slowly opened my eyes. In the living room, only a small white ceramic bowl remained. There was a little bit of the steamed egg left, and a few scratches were scraped off the surface by the spoon. I stared at that bowl for a long time. Then pick up the phone, first save the recording in the living room. Fortunately, I usually have the habit of writing a diary. Postpartum emotions were chaotic, I was afraid I remembered wrongly

work, so I often turn on the recording, so that I can later compile what Vien Vien eats and how long she sleeps each day. Today's recording was originally intended to record weaning. Unexpectedly, I recorded something else. I renamed the recording file. March 17, steamed eggs. After changing, I realized my hands were shaking. The bedroom door opened. I immediately placed the phone face down next to my lap. Aunt Khuong walked out, saw me open my eyes and smiled. "Are you awake?" I nodded. "Yes." "Still fever?" She stepped forward and raised her hand to touch my forehead. I tilted my head to avoid it. The movement is not big. Her hand paused in mid-air, then naturally withdrew. "I've cooked millet porridge for you, it's heating in the pot." "Thank you, Aunt Khuong." I tried to keep my voice calm. She looked at me. "Vien Vien is sleeping, today's food is good." "Steamed eggs can eat half a small bowl." I said. "It looks like she didn't like to eat this food before." Aunt Khuong said with a smile. "All children are like that, you have to take it slow." "You're really good at feeding children." "You'll get used to it after a lot of care." "Have you also taken care of a child like this before?" The rag in her hand stopped. Very short. So short that if I weren't always staring at her, I wouldn't have noticed. She said. "I've taken care of it before." "Is it a boy or a girl?" "It's all there." She bowed her head to wipe the table. "Having been doing this job for a long time, I've seen children before." I didn't ask anymore. Ask any more and she'll start to take precautions. In the afternoon, after Vien Vien woke up, I held her in my arms. Its small face pressed against my collarbone, its hot breath. I looked at my child, my heart tightening every time. Older brother. Two brothers. Come back in a few days. These words kept bouncing over and over again in my head. Tham Nghien only returned at eight o'clock at night. When he entered the door, he brought with him a blast of cold air from outside. I hugged Vien Vien and sat on the sofa covering the living room floor. Aunt Khuong is washing dishes in the kitchen. Tham Nghien bent down and kissed Vien Vien's forehead. Vien Vien didn't pay attention to him, turned her head and ruffled my hair. He smiled. "Are you good today?" I said. "Pretty good." He loosened his tie. "Your face doesn't look good." "Slight fever." "Have you taken your medicine yet?" "Drank." The conversations between husband and wife, I don't know when, only this much remains. Have you eaten yet? Sleep yet? How are you? Tham Nghien changed clothes and went into the dining room to eat. Aunt Khuong brought out the food. When she saw Tham Nghien, her expression was very calm. But I saw her place a plate of lightly stir-fried peeled shrimp right next to Tham Nghien's hand. Tham Nghien did not say thank you. Don't ask why this dish is available today. He seemed to have gotten used to it, picking up a piece with chopsticks. I suddenly remembered that Tham Nghien had told me before that he didn't like eating shrimp. He said it was annoying. After three years of marriage, I have never made shrimp at home. Today he ate very naturally again. Aunt Khuong stood next to her and said, "Boss, the soup is on the stove." Tham Nghien said yes. That sound is also very natural. It's like there has long been a set of unspoken rules between them. I bowed my head and adjusted Vien Vien's bib. The string in my heart is getting tighter and tighter. At ten o'clock in the evening, Aunt Khuong got off work. She lives not far away, and doesn't stay overnight every day. Tham Nghien walked her to the door, handed her a paper bag. "Take it." Aunt Khuong pushed it away. "This is not good." "For the boy." Tham Nghien's voice was not loud. "Don't let him buy things haphazardly." I stood behind the bedroom door, my hand resting on the door handle. Kid. Not the baby. Not Yuan Yuan. Aunt Khuong was silent for a few seconds. "The boy has been much better these days." Tham Nghien said. "I'll come over on Friday." Aunt Khuong quickly lowered her voice.