Chapter 7 — The Jade Robe and Old Dreams

You lack the courage to do it.

Even how deeply you love someone, you do not dare to admit it. How could you possibly stand against the civil and military officials as well as the ancestral rules for my sake?

Your Highness, please do not promise things you are incapable of fulfilling.

His fingers loosened, his complexion turning deathly pale. I withdrew my hand, turned on my heel, and walked away swiftly. This time, he did not chase after me.

I pushed open the door to my elder sister’s courtyard. She was leaning against the head of the bed, her face devoid of color.

You have come.

I sat down by the bedside and took her hand. She remained silent for a moment before speaking abruptly:

I went into his study.

I said nothing.

I saw that painting.

She turned her head to look at me.

The Beauty in Green and Crimson. The one in pink is me, and the one in green is you.

My dear sister, in our past life, you wanted to steal my husband. Do you wish to do the same in this lifetime?

I froze. She knew. She had remembered everything.

In the past life, you constantly imitated me. You copied my garments, mimicked my gestures, and duplicated my meals. Whatever I did, you followed suit.

Even the tactics you used to vie for his affection were exact copies of mine.

How could you expect me to willingly share His Highness’s favor with you?

That was why I loathed you, loathed how you endlessly imitated me! And I loathed even more that you relied on mimicking me to seize his affection!

He forced you to learn from me, yet I could not blame him; I could only hold resentment against you.

I once believed he detested you, which was why he commanded you to change your temperament and preferences.

Yet later on, I discovered that the gaze he cast upon you from behind was entirely different.

However, whenever he stood before you, he always demanded that you remain decorous and composed.

As the Crown Prince, he required a steady and dignified consort. But deep down, the person he truly fancied was a vibrant and lively Shen Qing Ci.

Yet in the end, he still pushed you further and further away.

It was not until you died that he suddenly woke up to the realization that the one he loved from beginning to end was always you.

If you had not gone to view the flowers with me back then...

She let out a bitter, self-deprecating laugh:

Even if you did not accompany me in this lifetime, wasn't the outcome just the same?

I pondered for a moment.

Sister, in the past life, mimicking you was never my own voluntary choice. Your resentment toward me was entirely justified. But in this life, I have found where I truly belong, and I will never look back.

I paused for a moment, unable to harden my heart completely:

Sister, the thing you detested most was someone who copied others. But right now... aren't you also imitating me? To live out your days in the exact shape of the person you despise the most, is it truly worth it?

She froze, and then a laugh slipped past her lips. She laughed for a while before tears began to stream down her face.

Perhaps it is not worth it.

Yet why is it that I have transformed into this very shape?

From that day onward, I did not see Zhao Zhi Shu again. One afternoon, Lu Zhu pushed the door open, his expression heavy. I put down my needle and thread:

What is the matter?

Today, the Crown Prince summoned me to discuss official business.

Did he give you a hard time?

He remained silent for a moment:

He kept me behind to talk.

He raised his head to look at me, his gaze complex.

He said that in our past life, you were his secondary consort.

He said that when helping him change his robes, you loved to stand on tiptoe.

He said that after bathing, you always liked to let your damp hair cascade over your shoulders.

He said... there was a tiny mole near your waist.

He paused.

Ah Ci, are these things true?

Before long, he spoke again:

True or false, it matters not. If you lived happily in your past life, why would you ever fear him?

Ah Ci, your life in the past was far from good, wasn't it?

I nodded.

I only regret not being able to meet you sooner in this life.

Ah Ci, right now... do you still harbor feelings for him?

He asked with cautious apprehension.

That is merely a chapter of the past, long since gone.

I looked straight at him.

Having you in this lifetime is more than enough.

He pulled me tightly into his arms:

Having you in this world is already enough for me.

I did not tell him that this was all deliberately orchestrated by Zhao Zhi Shu. He believed that doing so would plant seeds of doubt in Lu Zhu's mind and create a rift between us. Yet he knew nothing of how deeply Lu Zhu trusted me. Nor did he comprehend how profound Lu Zhu’s love for me truly was. Afterward, Lu Zhu treated me with even greater tenderness. The only thing was that whenever night fell and we shared intimate moments, he always loved to caress that very mole. His fingertips would brush lightly against it, lingering over and over again. At times, he would lean down and press gentle kisses upon it. Tasting it slowly, savoring it leisurely, until my entire body quivered and I was forced to beg for mercy. Even when my voice grew hoarse, he refused to let go. He pressed close to my ear, his breath burning hot:

Ah Ci, am I more formidable, or was he?

He did not explicitly state it, but I knew precisely whom he meant.

You are formidable... you are the most formidable of all...

Only then would he be satisfied, pulling me back into his tight embrace.

When the spring outing arrived, the imperial royal garden opened its gates to the common folk for three days. My husband and I went together to wander the grounds, but unexpectedly, we became separated at a fork in the path within the woods. I walked alone along the edge of a stream, when suddenly, a sharp and heavy pain struck my lower abdomen.