Chapter 4 — The System Told Me to Stay Silent, But the Tyrant Hears Every Word

Lost in the triumph of my own cleverness, I was suddenly jolted by a soft cough from the dragon throne above. Xiao Mo raised his wine cup, took a measured sip, and slowly opened his lips to speak.

The envoy from Northern Liang has traveled far to reach us, so We would also like to join in the merriment.

He paused, his gaze sweeping across the grand hall before finally landing on me, the corners of his mouth curving upward in a deeply meaningful smile.

My matching line is...

Lilac blossoms, a thousand heads, ten thousand heads.

The entire hall fell into a stunned silence before instantly erupting into thunderous applause and cheers.

Brilliant! Truly brilliant!

His Majesty is profoundly wise!

The face of the Northern Liang envoy turned ashen in the blink of an eye, shifting through hues like a painter's palette. He never imagined that the emperor of Great Xia would possess such dazzling literary talent. As for me, the chicken leg in my hand slipped with a soft plop and hit the floor. My mind went completely blank. He... he actually read the exact line hidden in my heart! And it was even the proper, respectable version! Thank goodness, oh thank goodness, he did not utter that vulgar alternative, otherwise I would have died of sheer social mortification right then and there on the spot. Just as I was secretly breathing a sigh of relief, I heard Xiao Mo add yet another sentence with a leisurely tone.

Actually, We had yet another matching line in mind, but it was hardly refined, so it hardly seemed appropriate to display such ugliness.

With that, he purposefully glanced in my direction once more. For a split second, I felt as though a divine bolt of lightning had struck straight through the crown of my head. I was doomed. I realized that in front of this absolute pervert, I had been completely stripped bare from the inside out. Once the banquet finally concluded, Xiao Mo summoned me to his side. He looked at me, grinning like a sly fox that had just stolen a taste of cream.

Military Counselor Chen, how do you feel about Our performance today?

What else could I possibly say? I could only force a rigid, agonizing smile.

Your Majesty possesses literary talent that rivals the world, this lowly servant is filled with awe and admiration.

Admiration my foot! You peeping tom! Pervert!

The smile on Xiao Mo's face only deepened.

Is that so? Then what about that unrefined matching line I mentioned earlier, does the counselor still happen to favor it?

Me: ... I choose death.

4

In the end, I still could not escape the destiny of marching off to war. As Northern Liang provoked us repeatedly, Xiao Mo decided to lead the campaign in person to teach them a harsh lesson. And I, under my newly appointed title of Imperial Front Military Counselor, naturally had to follow along. When I wrapped myself in a suit of armor several sizes too large and hoisted myself onto the back of a warhorse that stood taller than I did, I could only feel like an absolute joke. The grand army set out with a surging, majestic momentum. I clung tightly to Xiao Mo's side, feeling as though I might tumble off the saddle at any given second. Save me! I am afraid of heights! Why is this horse so violently jarring? My internal organs are about to be rattled right out of my body! Had I known things would turn out like this, I might as well have bashed my head in and died the moment I transmigrated, at least I would have kept my corpse intact. Riding a magnificent steed at the front, Xiao Mo maintained a posture as straight as a pine. I suspected he had grown an extra pair of eyes on the back of his head, because every single time I was about to slip, he would conveniently slow his pace. Finally, the massive army arrived at the border. The two opposing forces faced each other, and war was on the verge of erupting. Witnessing a real, bloody battlefield for the very first time left my legs completely rubbery. Fresh blood and severed limbs were everywhere, and the air was thick with a nauseating stench. I retched right on the spot. This is bad, this is bad, the sight of blood makes me dizzy! This scene is far too intense, I need to watch some cartoons to cleanse my eyes! Namo Amitabha, Namo Amitabha... To soothe the overwhelming terror gripping my heart, I began frantically chanting the Great Compassion Mantra inside my head. Round after round, repeating endlessly. I squeezed my eyes shut, my lips moving silently, sinking into a wondrous and indescribable state of trance. Riding beside me, Xiao Mo suddenly felt a sharp, throbbing pain pierce through his mind. It was a bizarre sensation, as though countless flies were buzzing incessantly right beside his ears, so overwhelmingly noisy that his head pounded like a splitting hammer. He furrowed his brows and turned to look at me. All he saw was my pale complexion, my tightly shut eyes, and my lips muttering without pause, making me look utterly like some kind of crazed shaman. Mani padme hum, mani padme hum... Demons and ghosts, quickly begone, demons and ghosts, quickly begone... Xiao Mo: ... He took a deep breath, forcing down the irritation surging in his chest. He was thoroughly convinced that whatever I was chanting could not possibly be anything good. Could it be... some long-lost form of dark sorcery? Specifically used to curse the enemy troops? The more he thought about it, the more plausible it seemed. After all, this fellow Chen Gou practically radiated weirdness from head to toe. And so, on the eve of the battle between the two armies, Xiao Mo summoned me to his tent.

Military Counselor Chen.

H-Here... present... I stammered weakly in response.

Tomorrow, you need not go out onto the battlefield to slaughter the enemy.

Hearing this, my eyes lit up instantly. Wonderful! No need to go to the battlefield! I can idle safely in the rear!

You only need to stay in the back and... pray for blessings for Our soldiers, that will suffice. Xiao Mo said with a solemn expression.

Pray for blessings? I froze in place. Pray for blessings with what? The only thing I know how to chant is the Great Compassion Mantra!

Just like you did on the battlefield today, Xiao Mo added.

Me: ... I understand now. He viewed me as some sort of... auspicious mascot. Very well, a mascot it is, at least that was better than being pushed out to serve as cannon fodder. The next day, the great battle erupted. The deafening cries of slaughter shook the heavens. I was assigned to stand upon a high platform in the rear, an incense table and various offerings laid out before me, looking precisely like a Taoist priest performing an exorcism ritual. What else could I possibly do? I could only grit my teeth, cross my legs, close my eyes, and begin today's work. Mani padme hum, mani padme hum...