Chapter 1 — Valedictorian Without Desire

At the last second before the registration deadline expired, the younger sister smiled brightly and leaned closer. "You still don't know, brother has changed your aspirations from Tsinghua University and Peking University to Lam Tuong Vocational School." "Congratulations, you are the valedictorian of the whole province and will soon be able to drive an excavator." I was stunned on the spot, my white fingers tightening on the mouse. In the aspirations section on the screen, the names Tsinghua University and Peking University were replaced by an unfamiliar school code. Behind him came the cold voice of his brother. "An An's health is not good. After I go to Beijing, who will take care of her?" "Besides, learning a profession is enough to support myself." Ever since his parents died in a car accident, his brother has always favored his sister. He said his sister had poor health and needed more love. So I could only get a crew cut and wear boy's clothes. Even with the scores I get on my own exams, I can't decide my future. But you forgot, my sister and I are twins, I was only born three seconds earlier than her. This time, I didn't cry. I just gently closed the computer. They didn't know that I had received a direct admission notice from the National Defense Science and Technology University a long time ago. 1My brother stood behind me, calmly looking at me. "Tham Ninh, don't blame me." "Your achievements are indeed very good, but what is the use of a girl studying so well?" "An An's health is not good, she can only stay in the locality, since you are my sister, you should tolerate her more anyway." I said nothing. He pushed his gold-framed glasses up the bridge of his nose and continued to speak. "Besides, learning a profession is also very good, your job will be stable in the future." "There are only three of us in the family, you can't be too selfish." Over the years, every time I heard words like that, I always argued. I will say that I am also a younger sister, I am also only eighteen years old. But today, I just closed my computer and said softly, "I know." My brother was stunned. Perhaps the scolding he had prepared had not yet been said. I stood up, walked past him and returned to my room. My brother followed me to the door of the room. His eyes stopped on me as if to confirm whether I was angry or not. "I just want the best for you." He paused for a moment and then said. "An An has been weak since childhood. You understand things better than her, so you should shoulder more." I bowed my head and looked at the notebooks used in exams for good students on the table. That's what I wrote countless late nights. Every time Tham An cried and said he had a headache, his brother would force me to turn off the light. When the power goes out in the house, I will lie by the window and borrow light from the street lamp to do my homework. I used to think that as long as I was good enough, sooner or later I would be seen. Later I realized that some people are not invisible. They just pretend to be blind. My brother said a few more words but I couldn't hear clearly. My eyes stopped on the mirror attached to the closet door. The girl in the mirror is wearing a baggy men's t-shirt, her hair is short close to her scalp. I reached out and touched the jagged hair. The hard hairs stuck to the fingertips, causing a bit of pain. When my parents just had an accident, the chaos in the house was unbearable. Tham An curled up in his brother's arms, crying so much that he could barely breathe. He pointed at me and said. "Brother, I don't want to be exactly like her, other people always mistake us, I'm very upset." After listening, his brother was silent for a few seconds. Then, he forced me to sit on the chair. When the trimmer passed over my scalp, I struggled desperately, crying and complaining of pain. He held my shoulder tightly, his voice was cold and scary. "An An no longer has parents, I still have

Do you want to provoke her? "But you forgot that I don't have parents anymore. From then on, I was never allowed to have long hair again. Because every time my hair grew a little longer, Tham An would say that it was uncomfortable, and when he saw my face, he would feel panicked. My brother would bring scissors and personally cut my hair short. He always said. "Don't make your sister uncomfortable." I looked in the mirror and suddenly wanted to laugh. It turns out that when a person is completely desperate, they really won't feel pain anymore. His brother was still standing outside the door. "Tham Ninh, do you hear?" I raised my head to look at him. "I heard." He seemed to finally be satisfied, his tone softened a bit. "I think it's good." "After you get there, just study hard, and in the future you can support yourself." "Don't always compare with An An, she's not like you." That's right. It's not the same. He can cry, he can get sick, he can be favored. And I have to understand, have to give in, have to give my whole life a path to death. I calmly nodded. "I know." Tham Trach looked at me for a moment, perhaps feeling that I was unusually obedient today but could not clearly say what was wrong. In the end, he only left one sentence. "I remembered to eat dinner, An An wanted to eat sweet and sour ribs The door was closed. The room once again became quiet. I sat by the bed, took out my phone and opened the mailbox. The admission notice sent by the University of National Defense Science and Technology was quietly lying there. I looked at the screen, the corners of my lips slowly curled up. They thought what they edited was my wish. But they didn't know that I no longer needed that wish registration form. This time, I won't cry or cause trouble. I will quietly. Go to a place they can never reach. 2 The next morning, the class chat exploded. Tham An sent a photo of my wish to the group. He also wrote a sentence: "In the future, I will have my own path, everyone, don't laugh at me." There was also a crying face icon in the group. The messages in the group quickly flowed. "Isn't that right, the valedictorian is going to Lam Tuong Vocational School?" "Ha ha ha, this is absurd. It's too much, I don't even dare to write like that on the news." "Is it a mistake?" There were also people who spoke up to defend me. "Don't joke around, Tham Ninh is not an idiot." "Maybe the family has an arrangement." "Tham An, why did you post this?" Tham An quickly replied. "I'm just worried about her." "Recently she's not in a good mood, I'm afraid she's thinking nonsense." I picked up the phone and typed a line in the text. group. "Thank you for your concern." The chat group was quiet for a moment. Someone asked. "So is this true?" I replied. "Everyone has their own arrangements." Another person said in a sarcastic tone. "Is the valedictorian's arrangement to go to vocational school?" I looked at that sentence, my finger paused. Then, I typed down. "Schools are not divided into high class, people are." This time, the group chat was completely silent. A few seconds later, someone sent a message "Top." Someone else said. "Tham Ninh is still Tham Ninh." The class president stood up to make peace. "Okay, everyone stop talking." "Everyone enjoy your summer vacation." Before leaving the group chat, I saw the homeroom teacher, Mr. Co, send a message. "Aspirations and futures are private matters of students, no one has the right to make fun of them." Mr. Co was the only one who knew that I had been directly recruited. entered the University of National Defense Science and Technology. I sent the teacher the words "thank you". Then, I turned off the phone and went to the living room where Tham An sat on the chair

sofa. She wore a light pink princess dress, the skirt was arranged in layers, her hair was intricately curled, and a pearl-encrusted hairpin was placed in her ear. He just coughed softly, his brother immediately brought warm water from the kitchen. "Drink slowly, don't choke." Tham An took the glass of water, raised his head to look at me, a smile hidden in his eyes. "Sister, don't be angry about the group, I'm just worried about you." I didn't pay attention to it, bent down to change my shoes. My brother frowned. "An An cares about you, what's with your attitude?" My movements didn't stop. "I know." It seemed like my brother was very dissatisfied. "Tam Ninh, now you're getting colder and colder." Tham An said softly. "Brother, leave, maybe you're upset in your heart." As soon as he mentioned my discomfort, his brother's eyes looking at me immediately became heavier. I remember when I was sixteen years old. That day the school held a musical performance, the class required all female students to wear skirts. I didn't have money to buy one, so I borrowed a white dress from my tablemate. When I returned home wearing that dress, Tham An was sitting in the living room eating cake. Seeing me, the fork in its hand stopped in mid-air. A moment later, his eyes turned red. "Brother, you look a lot like your mother dressed like this." After those words, the atmosphere in the house completely changed. My brother put down the plate of cake, walked over and grabbed my wrist. "Who let you dress like this?" "You know An An's health is not good and she can't stand the excitement." That night, I was locked in the attic. The attic has no lights, and the windows are half covered by wooden boards. I risked my life and knocked on the door to call my brother. But no one responded. Downstairs came Tham An's soft cry. His brother comforted her. "It's okay, I've made her reflect on herself." I sat in the dark, hugging my knees tightly. That dress was later cut up and thrown into the trash. The next day, my brother said to me. "Don't wear things like that again in the future." "My sister likes pretty things, don't compete with her for attention." Since then, my wardrobe only has men's t-shirts and sweatpants. Tham An could be a princess. As for me, I can only be a shadow that doesn't make others uncomfortable. When I regained consciousness, I discovered that Tham An was still looking at me. He smiled softly. "Sister, do you want to go out today?" "Yes, go buy some things." Hearing that, his brother immediately said. "Don't spend money haphazardly." "Recently, the house has to prepare things for An An's admission, there are many places where money is needed." I nodded calmly. "I know." After saying that, I pushed the door open and went out. Behind the door came the sound of my brother coaxing Tham An, I didn't listen anymore. They didn't know that what I wanted to buy was a bus ticket to the airport. 3After buying the bus ticket back, I folded up the direct admission confirmation from the National Defense Science and Technology University and stuffed it into the deepest secret compartment of my backpack. Besides my recruitment documents and citizen identification card, my luggage was pitifully small. A few faded black T-shirts and two pairs of white sweatpants are all I have. I don't know when my brother was standing at the door. He looked at me packing my luggage, his eyes a bit complicated. "Ninh Ninh." For the first time in a long time, he called me by my intimate name, his voice carrying a rare gentleness. I didn't stop my movements, I kept my head down and continued to arrange. "Is something wrong?" My brother walked in and sat down on the edge of my single bed. He reached out to pat my shoulder, but I pretended to take my clothes and leaned away.