Chapter 4 — Five Years of Pursuing Love

9I stayed at home for several days. In books or movies, when people are sad, they often drink alcohol to relieve their sadness. But my stomach is not good. Since the company gradually stabilized, I gradually stopped drinking alcohol. Most of the time I just sleep. I also no longer care about Luc Hac Minh and Tong Tu. I always feel tired and exhausted. My mother has always been sensitive about the relationship between me and Luc Hac Minh. Even though we rarely see each other. She lived in the first house I bought after working. And I live in the apartment that I decorated myself last year. The decoration was done entirely by myself. At that time, I told everyone it was for convenience. But in my heart there is always a voice saying. I will live here. When I opened the door, I didn't know if it was an illusion or not, but a spark of excitement seemed to flash in her eyes. She said directly: "Luc Hac Minh doesn't want you anymore, right?" "Why is it just that he doesn't want you, can't it be that you don't want him?" I reacted instinctively. "Stop pretending! Hua Duc, since you were little you liked to pretend to be strong, mom told you that you and he weren't compatible, you didn't listen, how could a dude like him like you?" "Also, you're not that stupid to not ask for the loss of his youth." right?” The cost of losing youth? In my separation agreement he and I do not have this money. Luc Hac Minh mentioned it once, but at that time he said it in a very insulting manner. We sat across the table from each other like we were facing each other. He passed a card over and said: "This money is my personal gift to you, not counted in the five years you've been with me." "So our five years are a foster relationship?" The teasing smile on his face suddenly stopped. I don't say anything more. I stood up, took the work money I had agreed on all these years and left. Including termination compensation and equity. Through my impatience, my mother immediately determined that I did not take the so-called loss of youth fee. She immediately reached out and poked my forehead. I raised my hand and grabbed her arm: "Mom, I'm grown up, I'm an independent person." "That's right! I'm very independent, I'm fully grown, so smart, why have I been taken advantage of for so many years?" Each sentence she said was harder to hear than the last. I just feel more tired. I heard her venting her anger. Just found it ironic and funny. When she finally stopped talking. I invited her to leave and said that if there was nothing to do, don't come to my house anymore. No matter how tired a person is, he doesn't have the strength to argue. She sat down on the sofa. Then she started crying. "I knew it, I raised you in vain." "That's right! So is there any way? Why don't you call the police?" She was stunned. In the end, he didn't say anything more. "Mom, what have I done wrong to you? Have I hurt you?" "Why is it always you who has the greatest ill will towards me?" "What have you done to me? Since I was in 11th grade, you fell ill, have you ever abandoned me? Obviously the person who always takes care of you and cares for you is you, why do you treat me like that? Hurting me makes me happy, right?" "So you think that mom is me?" Is it a burden, a trouble? She said this sentence to me many times. At those times, I was either silent, or from what I learned about knowledge and people, I arranged the words to comfort her. But now I can't say it anymore. My emotions suddenly became agitated. The sound was so loud that I was shocked myself. Like the last effort of a dying person. "That's right! Isn't that right? Mom, you treat me well? Don't you know that I'm also very tired? I'm also a living person, when

other children are still being cared for, mother has pushed everything on you, you even have to bear the burden of mother's negative emotions." When I spoke, my whole body trembled. She was stunned at first and said nothing, avoiding my eyes. Then, as if remembering something, she immediately counterattacked: "I knew for a long time that you didn't care, are you planning to leave me now? I used to make trouble with my biological father because of a little money. I always underestimated my parents." I could only laugh out of anger. “That's right! I have no heart, I have no morals, I'm ungrateful, I don't care about self-respect, like a scoundrel, I'll stop at nothing to get money, how can you spend that money without feeling ashamed? It's that small amount of money that has kept me alive until now, but I continue to criticize you, continue to hurt you!” We exposed each other's shortcomings, hurt each other. I have always admired Luc Hac Minh. He never had to face these things. His father was a strict father, but his love for him did not decrease. At the beginning of the company, his father secretly gave some contracts to him and told him I don't tell him, to avoid increasing his pride. His mother also asked him to take the money many times. I was not jealous of that money, nor was I jealous of those resources. I had never received anything. Observing his happiness made me want to participate in that life. But in the afternoon, she suddenly came back to buy a lot of food. As soon as I opened the door, she went into the kitchen. While cooking, she muttered. "Other than mom, who cares about you?" Mom just wants the best for me. The older I get, the more I've been with that guy for so many years, who will want me in the future!" I lay on the sunbathing chair, suddenly stood up. Very seriously looked at her and said: "Mom, I will take care of myself." "I can take care of myself." "I'm not a child anymore, I don't need anyone else to take care of me." "Now I can take care of myself."10Our atmosphere was no longer tense. Very politely eating dinner. She just didn't have the patience. She suddenly asked: "Hua Duc, you never had an abortion because of him, right?" If people know, it will be even harder for you to find a lover.” Seeing me silent, she continued to say: "When I was young, I always kept myself pure, something like that would never happen." Seems to be interested. But within that concern, there is a corrupt and malicious competition. It's as if you and I are both products for men to choose from. Only by belittling and attacking me can you demonstrate your superiority. Although now she no longer intends to find a life partner. But in her mental world, I became her rival. Attacking, hurting, insulting me seems to have become her instinct. This reminds me of when I was in middle school, a boy in class touched my butt on the way home. At that time I was a little scared, didn't know what to do. Go home and tell your grandmother this story. A few days later, the aunts in the neighborhood started rumors that I was touched all over by that boy. Then there were rumors that I slept with him when I was young. I looked for her to argue and argue. In the end, I only received one sentence: "If you don't keep yourself pure and bring trouble to yourself, who can you blame?" Then I fought with that guy, the difference in strength between men and women was too big. My head was beaten by him and it bled. But I almost bit off a piece of flesh from his arm.

From then on, that friend saw me and stayed away. When my mother came to pick me up, she said what kind of grudge did she have to do to this extent? I no longer talk to her, from that moment I knew, she was someone I could not rely on.