Chapter 2 — Her Road Is Still Long

But marrying him would mean thousands of days and thousands of nights, knife by knife cutting down, life is worse than death, like being burned little by little. I don't struggle anymore. Relax your limbs and let your body sink to the bottom of the lake. It's just that before I die, a small, unimportant detail suddenly appears in my mind. In my previous life, no one ever asked me... Whether I wanted it or not. Even we ourselves have never asked ourselves that question. The moment water enters the lungs, we see several images. At the age of seven, he first stepped into the Tham residence. I wore a hawthorn-colored shirt that had faded from being washed too many times. It was the last outfit my mother left me. My maternal grandmother held my hand and told me to call Tham Thanh Tu "my cousin". He stood in the hallway, his white clothes were whiter than snow, he was clearly only ten years old, yet his appearance was extremely handsome. He looked at me then turned and left. Grandmother said:

"Your big brother has a cold personality. Once you get to know each other, it will be fine."

For ten years, I still couldn't get to know each other. He avoids me like the plague. Every holiday, I brought home-made breakfast plates to his study, but he didn't even bother to lift his eyelids. I stayed up many nights sewing the incense bag for him, and he conveniently gave it to the little guy next to me as a reward. I used to think he was just born with a cold personality, and was like that towards all women. Only later will we know. He only treats me like that. In the capital, he has his own confidants, talented women who are famous in competitions, and whose reputation is pursued by everyone in the church. He smiled at them. He wrote poetry for them. The only thing he doesn't give is me. Because in his eyes, I am just "an orphan who wants to cling to the Tham family". In his eyes, everyone has virtue and character. Only we don't have it. At the age of fourteen, Chu Uyen Nhu entered the palace. She is the niece of her great uncle's mother's family, with a delicate and gentle appearance, and a tongue sweeter than honey. The first time she met me, she pulled my hand and called out warmly:

“Sister Cam Thu.”

Then say that from now on we are one family. I was even secretly happy. Because I think there is finally someone who doesn't hate me. Three years later, in the cup of cinnamon flower wine she personally brought to me, there was also Hoan Hop Tan. When I finished drinking that cup of wine, I gratefully said:

“Sister Uyen Nhu is really kind.”

She smiled and replied that it was nothing. After that, I was helped by Bich Dao into Tham Thanh Tu's room. Thinking back later, I realized. The dose of medicine that day was actually not too heavy. The scariest thing is not the medicine. But in Tham residence, I don't have anyone to ask for help. There is no maid to protect me. There are no elders to protect me. Not even a single person stepped forward to ask a question:

“Is her body not feeling well?”

They pushed me into that door. It's like pushing a lamb into a tiger's mouth. The next day, I knelt in front of the hall to explain. Tham Thanh Tu sat in the chair position above, from beginning to end without saying a word. Chu Uyen Nhu stood next to him, her eyes red, pretending to help me:

“Brother Thanh Tu and younger sister Cam Thu must have been framed by someone else harmful.”

No one looked at her. Everyone is looking at me. Look at my neck. Look at my wrist. Look at the traces that are completely non-existent on people. The maternal grandmother let out a sigh:

“That's it, get married. Your reputation has been destroyed, what else can you do?"

I cried until my voice was hoarse, saying I didn't want it. The maternal grandmother said:

“You stupid child, a woman's reputation is more important than her life. If I don't get married, how will I live in the future?"

Knowing how to live... For that problem, I spent twenty years still unable to find the answer. Tham Thanh Tu married me. Ten miles of red pages. The wedding ceremony is for the main wife. In the eyes of outsiders, it was the girl who transformed into a phoenix and flew to a high branch. But he treated me not well. He just kept me a little face in front of outsiders, but when he closed the door, he treated me like I didn't exist.