Chapter 20 — Her Road Is Still Long

Or disgusted. Or cold. Or consider it completely non-existent. Now, all of that is gone. What remains is an emotion that we don't even know how to name. Like guilt. Like something else again. He opened his mouth. Then stopped again. He opened the umbrella in his hand. Close it again. Repeat several times. It's like trying to find a suitable opening sentence.

“How long have you been here?”

“Three years, equal to the time it takes to open a medical shop.”

He repeated it once. The voice was very quiet. He bowed his head. Look at the nose of the umbrella in my hand. Rainwater followed the umbrellas and dripped down the steps. Drop by drop. It's like counting time.

“Today when I examined the patient.”

“I heard someone in the clinic next door calling Dr. Ha.”

He did not raise his head.

“When I got here, I thought I heard wrong.”

“The result is really her.”

I said nothing.

“Is she living well?”

When that word came out of my mouth. We just discovered it is completely true. Not trying to appear strong. Not being polite. Which is really very good. I have my own medical clinic. There are patients. There's a whole drawer full of old things. And an osmanthus flower that has been pressed for eight years but still cannot bear to throw it away. He raised his head to look at me. Lips moved slightly. It seemed like he wanted to say something. But in the end, I swallowed it back in. I recognize that expression. In my previous life, when I explained why I wanted to marry him. He also wanted to say it many times and then stopped. But then. In his eyes was coldness full of reason. And now it's not.

"I heard you never got married in your whole life."

I say what he wants to say. He stopped. Then burst out laughing. That smile was very faint. So pale that it's almost impossible to see. But the corners of the lips did curl up a bit.

“Not married.”

Both were silent. The sound of rain gradually subsided. The water from the eaves is no longer rushing. But only drops drop by drop. He suddenly opened his mouth.

"The story of that year, I remember every Mid-Autumn Festival."

"No need."

“I know I don't need to say it.”

He tightened the handle of the umbrella in his hand. Knuckles turn white.

“But I want to talk.”

He took a deep breath.

“I'm sorry to you.”

"This sentence is from the day she took out that confession during the family banquet."

“I have kept it in my heart all these years.”

He raised his head and looked straight into my eyes.

“I don't ask for your forgiveness.”

“I just wanted to say.”

“Around that time…”

“It was she who took on a sin that did not belong to her for me.”

The rain has stopped. The last drop of water fell from the eaves.

“Tap” sound.

Hit the steps. Breaking into tiny water droplets that splash onto the tip of my shoe. I look at Tham Thanh Tu. The person I resented for twenty years in my previous life. Now standing before me. Tell me you're sorry. I'm not excited. Not bitter. There is also no feeling of liberation because I have finally waited for those words. I just feel peaceful. Like a clear water surface. The wind blew above and rippled. But the bottom of the water is still quiet.

“Delegate brother.”

“I don't care anymore.”

He stopped.

"Not paying attention doesn't mean forgiving you."

I hugged the notebook a little tighter.

“It's just this…”

“It no longer concerns me.”

He opened his mouth. But no sound came out. Ta pause a bit.

"That year, Ha Cam Thu, he was drugged, misunderstood, and despised..."

“Died in the long run.”

“The person is standing in front of you now.”

“It's not her.”

Tham Thanh Tu took a step back. That step back was very slow. So slow that it felt like someone was pushing him backwards little by little. He looked at me. Something seemed to be broken in his eyes.

“So…”

His voice was hoarse.

“Even the chance to say sorry.”

“Am I not there anymore?”

“You're not apologizing.”

“You are atonement.”

“But I don't need you to atone for my sins.”

He was silent for a long time.

“I understand.”

He closed the umbrella. Step aside. Give way. We walked down the steps. When passing by him.