Chapter 12 — I Complete It For Him, He Regrets It All His Life

Sometimes when he returned victorious, the generals were all waiting to drink wine to celebrate his success. He would rush back to the hospital first, just to give me a branch of wildflowers he picked on the way. He said the flowers on the border were not as beautiful as the flowers in the capital, but they were the first flowers he saw after returning safely, so he wanted to give them to me. I once asked him if he thought I was bothered. I used to be sick, I used to be afraid, I used to carry a lifetime of old pain that is not easy to let go. Luc Lang then just looked at me for a long time and said, if a person has ever gone through a long night, then the person next to her just needs to keep the light on a little longer, how can it be called bothering. In this life, he really lit a light for me for a long time. That afternoon, pear flowers fell all over his shirt. Luc Lang suddenly held my hand, his voice lower than usual.

“Ngoc Thu, I have something to ask you.”

I turned to look at him. He is old, there are wrinkles at the corners of his eyes, and there are old calluses on his hands from holding a knife and practicing swords for many years. But the way he looked at me was still like that of the young man standing outside the gate of Shen Palace that year, both careful and clear.

"If I had come earlier that year, before Co Thanh Yen brought the bride price to the Tham family, before she liked him, before things went irreversibly wrong, would she have chosen me?"

I did not respond immediately. Because I know, that question has been hidden in his heart for many years. In his previous life, he arrived one step late. In this life, he still regrets not coming sooner. I placed my other hand on the back of his hand, gently caressing each callous.

“Idiot.”

He was startled. I looked at him and slowly smiled.

“I'm choosing you.”

In this life, from the day I stepped on the Luc family's palanquin, from the day I followed you out of the capital, from every meal waiting for you to return, from every pear blossom season on the porch, I have been choosing you. It's not because there's no one else. But because in the vast sea of people, we finally recognized the best person standing right next to us. Luc Lang looked at me for a long time, then suddenly turned away. I know he cried. But he had a face all his life, and even when he was old, he still refused to let me see him. I didn't expose him, I just rested my head on his shoulder and sat with him under the pear tree until dusk fell over the yard. A few months later, news came from the capital. Uyen Nhi was seriously ill and passed away. She left very peacefully. Before her death, she told Hoai An to be filial to her father and also sent me a last letter. In the letter, she said that although she had regrets throughout her life, it was much better than her previous life. She has children, has peaceful days, and can watch me live happily in the North.

“Sister, we both survived the old chess game in this life.”

When I read that, tears fell onto the paper. Later I heard that after Uyen Nhi passed away, Co Thanh Yen personally built a stele for her. He stood in front of the grave for a long time, with no entourage next to him, no Lady Hou, only the cold wind blowing through his clothes. Hoai An has grown up and wants to help him return to the palace. He shook his head again. In front of Uyen Nhi's tombstone, Co Thanh Yen looked toward the North for a long time. There was a border there, a general's palace, two pear trees on the porch, and there were people he had lost and could never find again. Only then, perhaps he would truly understand. Loving someone is not about keeping her by your side with status, attachment or regret. Love One person is that when she is in pain, I should not become the cause of her pain. If he had understood that principle earlier in his previous life, Tham Ngoc Thu would not have had to hold on to hatred and die. If he understood earlier in this life, perhaps she would at least remember him with a little calmness. But in this world, many things, once late, will always be late. Co Thanh Yen stood in front of Uyen Nhi's grave until dusk completely disappeared. The wind blew across his white temples. He spoke softly, very lowly, not sure if he was talking to Uyen Nhi, or to people in the far North.

“I understand.”

But no one needs that understanding anymore. And I am at the border, still living through my peaceful days. Every spring, pear flowers bloom. Every time the wind blows through the yard, Luc Lang will still hold my hand, like holding the young girl who stepped down from the palanquin that year. In my previous life, I spent my whole life asking where I went wrong. In this life, I finally have the answer. I'm not wrong. It's just that last time, I chose the wrong person. But this time. I chose right. (END OF FULL TEXT)