Chapter 18 — I Return From The Deep

Luc Tham rented me a small apartment near the hospital, one bedroom and one living room, clean and tidy. A hundred thousand times better than a motel. Every three or five days he visits. Sometimes he brought me food, sometimes he helped me take care of hospital procedures. He doesn't talk much. Come and sit on the small sofa outside the living room, typing on the computer to handle work. When you leave, there will be a few more lunch boxes in the refrigerator. Third week of treatment. I'm throwing up at home. Vomiting until green bile and yellow bile came out, I sat down next to the toilet and couldn't get up. The doorbell rang. Thought it was Luc Tham.

“The door is unlocked... Come in.”

There was the sound of footsteps entering. Incorrect. Not Luc Tham's. Luc Tham's footsteps were very light, almost no sound. This person's footsteps——deep, heavy, each step seemed to crush my heart. I clung to the sink and staggered to my feet, looking back. Giang Tu Hanh stood in front of the bathroom door. In hand, carry a thermos of coffee. He looked at me—sitting huddled next to the toilet, his face free of blood, the corners of his mouth still not wiped clean of vomit—he stood still. The pharynx moves continuously. The corners of the eyes are red with stripes. I wiped my mouth. “How did you get in?”

“…The door is not locked.”

I silently cursed myself. "Go out." He didn't move. My eyes glanced at the rows of medications lined up on the sink, the medication-taking schedule on the wall, and the trash can filled with bloody tissues. His lips began to tremble.

“Nien So… why are you——”

"It has nothing to do with you. Get out."

“Why doesn't it have anything to do with you?!” He suddenly took a step forward, his voice cracking, "You're my sister!"

I burst out laughing. Cold.

“Jiang Tu Hanh, are you saying this now?”

He choked. I walked past him, went to the living room and sat down. He followed out, still carrying the coffee, his fingers clenched so tightly that his veins appeared.

“My medicine… who pays?”

“Not you.”

“Nien So——”

“Luc Tham.” I said frankly, "Don't you want to ask about this? He paid for the money. He also took care of the people. From the time I got out of prison until now, everything has been done by him."

“Not you.”

Every word was like a nail, driven straight into his body. He placed the coffee on the tea table. His whole body seemed to be drained of bone marrow, and he slowly sank down into the chair opposite. Head bowed. Hands through hair. Can't see the expression clearly. But my shoulders are shaking. I don't care. Pick up the medicine box on the tea table, pour out two white pills, mix with cool filtered water and swallow. A long time later. He raised his head. On his face was an expression I had never seen on him. Not the kind of pity or condescending guilt like before. It's broken. Completely broken.

“Nim So.” His voice sounded like it had been rubbed by sand. “I'll tell you what to do.”

“You say one thing, I listen to everything.”

“I want you to kneel down and apologize, please kneel.”

“I want you to compensate me for four years with your life, I will pay.”

“Tell me——how I agreed to let you be my brother.”

I looked at him. My head is as calm as a sheet. The feeling of wanting to cry flashed through my eyes for a moment and then I suppressed it.

“Jiang Tu Hanh.”

“You can't do it.”

“You can't pay me back.”

"Four years in prison, I can't pay for it. Ms. Trieu's life, I can't pay for it. The disease on my body, can't pay for it."

“The more decisively you pushed me into prison before, the less qualified you are to make amends now.”

His hands clenched into fists, pinning them tightly to his knees. Knuckles turn white.

“So now you——”

“What now?” I interrupted, “Now you've finally figured it out, right? Finally know that Tong Uyen Nghi lied to you, right?"

“It's late.”

Two words. Very light. Very heavy.