Chapter 1 — It's Never Too Late to Start

After the divorce, my mother became the fiercest woman in the village. She often scolded me:
“If it weren't for you, I would have married a rich husband long ago!”
The villagers whispered behind their backs:
"I couldn't remarry, so I used my daughter as cannon fodder."
My father even scoffed:
"With your mother's firecracker-like personality and not even being able to give birth to a son, only guys with four sons and no one wants to marry them would take her home!"
But later, there was actually a small boss who wanted to marry his mother. My father changed his tone again, regretful:
“Ngoc Phan, let's remarry and live as a family again!”
1
When I was seven years old, my father met a city woman. Mom found out and asked for a divorce. The two families sat down to negotiate. Grandma was so happy, she almost knocked the gong to celebrate:
"You know your fate! After so many years, if you can't give birth to a son, sooner or later you'll have to get out of my house."
“But you can't take Baby Boi away!”
My father was enthusiastic:
"Why keep it? Tieu Phuong has no intention of looking after the child for her!"
(Tieu Phuong is that city woman.) Grandmother glanced at him:
"What the hell do you know? How much does it cost to raise a daughter? By the time she finishes middle school, she can go to work to earn money, and when she gets married, she will also have a bride price to bring home, no loss of capital!"
My aunt whispered to her mother:
"It's better if you don't bring your children with you. It will be easier for you to remarry. You're not even thirty yet, so why aren't you afraid of not marrying a good person?"
My mother coldly replied:
"Why did the child born to me end up with their family enjoying the bride price?"
“It's such a beneficial thing, can't I enjoy it myself?”
"If you don't let Baby Boi go with me, then don't expect me to sign the divorce papers! Let's see who's tougher than who!"
Back then, in the countryside, divorce was usually by mutual agreement. By default, children will belong to the paternal family. Unless the man is willing to let go, the woman cannot take the child away. I'm like an object being pulled back and forth. In the end, my father, wanting to quickly go to the city, gave in. I gingerly approached my mother and called softly:
“Mom…”
She rolled her eyes at me:
“Calling spirits?”
"With a debt like you, I don't expect to marry anyone else!"
Dad's condition is that he doesn't have to pay child support. But my uncle and aunt fought to help my mother and I keep our old house. It's a yellow dirt house with a thatched roof that leaks everywhere when it rains. The west row of houses is half collapsed, no one has lived there for many years. Grandma laughed mockingly:
"It's my generosity and Mr. Thanh that left this house to you! Look at the other abandoned wives in the village, everyone left empty-handed!"
“We must be grateful for our great kindness!”
That night, she cleaned up my and my mother's belongings and threw them out. It was raining and the village roads were muddy. As soon as the door of the old house was pushed open, the musty smell and smell rushed straight into my face. A flock of wild birds flew up and passed my face, causing me to startle and scream. I grabbed his shirt tightly and asked with a trembling voice:
“Uncle… can my mother and I come to your house to stay?”
2
My uncle and aunt's current house was built by his grandfather when he was still alive. At that time, my mother even contributed her own money to help. The house is two-story, with a total of four bedrooms. I still remember when I was a child, my grandfather used to hold me, point to the east room on the second floor and say:
“Baby Boi, you will later
in that room.”
Until half a year ago, when my grandfather passed away, every time my mother and I came home, we still slept in that room. Before my uncle could speak, my aunt hastily spoke first:
“Your cousin insisted a few days ago that he wanted to sleep alone, so I let him stay in the east room.”
"It's okay, let me tell him to bear with his older sister for a few days."
At that time, I was still young and did not fully understand the implications of adults' words. I just looked at my mother with hope, hoping I could escape this scary old house, even if it was just for a few days. But her mother's face changed. Her eyes sparkled with a thin layer of water, then she pushed me hard:
“Still picky? Do you think I want to carry a debt like you?"
“If you don't want to follow me, go back to your father!”
She used very strong force, I lost my balance and slipped into the puddle of water under the eaves. The weather was cold and the cold water soaked into my clothes. Cold to the feet, cold to the heart. I don't understand what I did wrong to be hated over and over again. Choked, I turned and ran. My aunt and uncle called me back, but my mother said coldly:
“Let it go!”
I looked back. The electrical system in the house is old, only a little light from the neighbor's window shines through, shining into the small yard in front of the door. The darkness flickered, my mother stood with her back to her uncle and aunt, her straight back trembling slightly as if she could not control it. I suddenly felt my self-pity disappear. I ran back and hugged my mother's arm, sobbing:
“Mom, I stay with you, don't cry anymore.”
Mom raised her hand and patted me hard on the head:
“Shut up! Who's crying?
“I'm happy to divorce that kind of wretched man, who would cry!”
My uncle helped repair the electrical system. The old, dilapidated house finally has light. Under the dim light, I saw wrinkles at the corners of his eyes. He lowered his voice and said:
"Ngoc Phan, that's what my sister-in-law is."
"You just stay here for now, let me talk to her, then you and I will come to my room."
3
Mother turned her back to him, quietly spread the bed sheet, and replied faintly:
“No need to worry, it's fine for me to be here.”
At that time, I was a little angry with my mother for refusing. Only later did I understand. He is not the decision maker in the house, his suggestion is no different from saying "Let's have dinner when you are free". Say that, but it cannot be considered true. After the divorce, my father rushed to the city with that woman. It took my mother and I more than ten days to clean up the old house. My uncle found some rubble and temporarily patched up the collapsed wall of the west house. The roof is re-thatched with new straw, and the afternoon sun shines in, emitting the characteristic aroma of rice. After cleaning up, he didn't stay to eat, just pedaled his jingling bike and went straight. Grandmother stood at the village gate, holding a melon seed and biting it, her voice resounding like a bronze gong:
“Where else in this world can I find a good person like my son?”
“That woman couldn't even give birth to a son, yet she was still given a house!”
“Look, even my mother's family doesn't want to harbor it!”
Neighbor Mrs. Trieu couldn't hear it, so she replied:
“If your son was really good, he wouldn't be promiscuous outside all the time!”
“I see that Ngoc Phan is also a virtuous person!”
"Moreover, Baby Boi is the daughter of the Vuong family, having a house is a matter of course!"
Granny
I rolled my eyes and glared:
"It's just that my son has the courage to marry a city wife!"
“Look at Ngoc Phan's unlucky face, no one wants to seduce anyone she wants!”
This time, grandma guessed wrong. That evening, after nine o'clock, the old bachelor in the village - Luu Que - came to knock on my door. He stuffed a fifty-yuan bill through the crack in the door, lowered his voice and said:
"Ngoc Phan, take the money and buy new clothes."
"Thanh (my dad) doesn't know how to love you, but I do."
"Winter is very cold, isn't it? Don't sleep alone anymore, open the door, I'll come in and warm you up."
4
My mother did not speak. He just stood there calling, his voice getting louder and louder. Mom got out of bed, found a bamboo stick to block the door, then coldly shouted:
"Get out! I'm not that kind of woman!"
But for the next few days, Luu Que still found every way to bother him. Although her mother firmly refused, the eyes of many people in the village when looking at her began to become shady. Back then, the mindset in the countryside was like that. Even if you are a victim, people will still say: "Flies must have cracked eggs first." That day was Mr. Ngu's 60th birthday party. Mom was invited to help serve tea and pour water, and I followed her to eat. At that time, every family was poor, and children looked forward most to feasts to eat delicious food. As soon as they saw melon seeds and peanuts placed on the table, the children immediately rushed to compete. I was young, my hands and feet were not agile, I could only get a small handful of peanuts. While feeling sorry for himself, Luu Que brought a plate full of peanuts from his table and placed it in front of me:
“Hey, eat it, give it all!”
The atmosphere immediately changed. The women in the village looked at each other and laughed:
“Baby Boi, Mr. Luu sees you as his own daughter!”
I immediately threw the peanut dish away:
"Who wants to be your daughter? I have a father, and my mother doesn't like you either!"
Luu Que laughed:
"What do children know? I visit your mother every night!"
The men sitting at the table with him, including the homeowner's Uncle Ba, all burst out laughing.
“Liu Que, you're quick to act!”
“I didn't expect you to have great skills!”
"Newly divorced girl is still hot, flirting with her every night, aren't you afraid your legs will get soft?"
“Come on, Baby Bei, call Mr. Liu ‘Dad’ and let him give you ten yuan in pocket money!”
… The villagers love to make fun of boys and girls. I was so angry that my eyes were red, I could only repeat over and over:
"My mother doesn't want you! My mother doesn't like you!"
At that time, my mother was in the kitchen serving tea and water. Seeing this scene, her mother quickly ran over, but because she was too hasty, she lost her footing. The men's laughter became even louder. They shouted:
“Liu Que, why don't you help your wife quickly?”
5
Luu Que took advantage of the alcohol and reached out to grope and pull my mother back.
"Ngoc Phan, what are you running? I'll feel really bad if I fall!"
All eyes at the party were on the mother. Some people even joked:
“When will I be able to drink your celebratory wine?”
My grandmother gritted her teeth and spoke in a shrill voice:
"This woman has no manners! No wonder she asked for a divorce, it turns out she was already having an affair with another man!"
Mother's face turned red with anger. She snatched the glass of soft drink from Mrs. Trieu's hand and threw it straight into Luu Que's face. Tiny gas bubbles splashed on his face. He stuck out his tongue and licked his lips, then grinned and said:
"After we become husband and wife, you can't be this cruel to me anymore!"
Mom t
Oh, I clenched my fists. She rushed out of the kitchen, grabbed the chef's meat cleaver, and pointed it straight at Luu Que's face.
“Do you only think about that thing between your eyebrows all day?”
"Look at yourself in the mirror, your belly is like a barrel, your teeth are black as coal, you're as short as a potato, you're still limping on the road. Even if I'm blind, I wouldn't pay attention to you!"
Mom waved the vegetable chopping knife, turned it around and heard a whirring sound:
"Here's one of your fingers and you haven't even touched it yet! If you dare to lie again, I'll chop that thing of yours into small pieces and throw it to the dogs!"
The blade of the knife passed through his ear, Luu Que was so scared that he crawled straight under the table. Everyone rushed to intervene. Mother tightened her grip on the knife, sweeping her cold eyes across the group of men who had just teased a moment ago:
“A bunch of men like dogs, none of them can catch my eye!”
“If you dare to talk nonsense again, I will cut off all your 'precious penises' and throw them to the dogs!”
I stood there stunned. I know my mother is hot-tempered, but she is very dignified. Even when she learned that her father was having an affair with a city woman and then asked for a divorce, she did not get crazy like this. The kitchen knife was snatched away by the chef, my mother grabbed my ear and pulled hard:
"Go! People have bullied you to your face, what else can you eat or drink there?"
“There is no need to eat for this party!”
I was dragged along, only having time to reach out and grab two pieces of braised pork that had just been brought to the table and quickly stuff them into my mouth. It was so hot that it numbed my tongue, but I couldn't bear to let it go. My mother quickly divorced and divided her assets, but nothing came of it. In the winter, there were few green vegetables, so for many days I only ate white rice mixed with pickles that my aunt brought over. On the way home, my mother kept blaming me:
“Are you a hungry ghost reincarnated?”
"Mouths are only for eating? People say that but don't you know how to argue back?"
Seeing me silent, she got angry and pinched my lips hard. I screamed in pain. The piece of meat in his mouth fell to the muddy ground.
6
My tongue is still numb, and the meat is no longer edible. At that moment, anger surged. I burst into tears. Mother raised her hand to strike:
"Why are you crying? Do you still have the face to cry?"
“If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be here!”
I closed my eyes, waiting for the slap to fall. But I waited forever and didn't see it. I opened my eyes and saw my mother's hand still raised, but there were tears in the corner of my eyes. Meeting my eyes, she immediately turned away and quickly wiped away her tears. Then, she smoothed her messy hair and tied it up again. Her voice lowered and seemed calmer:
“After this, life will be even more miserable.”
"What's the use of crying? Save your strength."
That evening, Mrs. Ngu and Aunt Ba came to the house. They apologized to my mother on behalf of Uncle Ba and brought along two bowls of leftovers. A bowl of braised pork, a bowl of stir-fried bamboo shoots. In the countryside, leftover food from weddings and celebrations is often delicious. The host usually keeps "hard" dishes like braised pork to eat later, and rarely gives them to anyone. That bowl of braised pork had a total of seventeen pieces. My mother stewed it with dried sauerkraut. She said she didn't like eating fat and only ate two pieces. The rest, she warmed up piece by piece for me to eat for five days. On the last day, there was only a little dried sauerkraut left. Mom poured hot water, mixed it with rice, and ate it in one sitting. Since that party, my mother's personality has changed completely. She doesn't mind arguing with the men in the village anymore. Many people in the village gossiped behind their backs:
“After the divorce, Ngoc Phan's personality was even tougher than mine
Uh, who will marry me like this?
Very quickly, December came, the whole village started making bacon and salted fish to celebrate Tet. My family is poor, my mother can only buy five pounds of meat and one silver carp to salt. When mother brought the meat out to dry, grandmother quipped:
"My mouth is stiff, I want a divorce, and now I can't even buy Tet meat."
“Now you know? Besides my son, is there any man willing to spend money for you?
As soon as the words ended, a tall figure from the neighboring village hurriedly walked forward.
“Yes!”
The black-skinned man, his face red from the cold, gave my mother two pieces of carefully dried bacon.
“Ngoc Phan, this is for you.”
The matchmaker ran after her, smiling brightly like a flower:
“Ngoc Phan is beautiful and young, who wouldn't want to get married! As soon as I finished smoking the meat, Dai Trang pulled me over here without even bothering to choose a date!”
Dai Trang's face became even redder. He is tall, healthy, has a gentle personality, and works hard. The house has two floors and is also well-off in the area. Last year, his wife passed away in an accident, and since then matchmakers have been coming to her in droves. In the countryside, he is a "bargain" that everyone wants to marry their daughter to. My grandmother was angry, gritted her teeth and said:
“What kind of sour woman do you also want to marry?”
Dai Trang scratched his head and smiled foolishly:
“Strong women are good, not easily bullied!”
Grandma wanted to say more, but my mother faintly spoke up:
"Mrs. Vuong, this is my personal matter. It doesn't seem very appropriate for you to stand here, right?"
Grandma was so angry that she turned pale and reluctantly left. They went into the main house to discuss things, and my mother told me to stay in my room. I pressed my ear to the door and heard Dai Trang say:
“I gave you three thousand yuan in bride price. From now on, you will be the head of the house. All the money I earn will be kept by you. Let's try to have another child, boy or girl."
“But I have one condition: You can't bring your daughter. I already have a pair of children of my own. If I have more in the future, I won't be able to raise as many."
7
When my matchmaker and aunt heard that, they immediately advised my mother:
"Dai Trang is a good person. In the ten miles around here, there are few people with conditions like his!"
"Just leave Baby Boi to the Vuong family. He is their descendant, so why don't they raise him?"
“You're still young, you should think about your future!”
… I hid behind the door to eavesdrop, accidentally bumping into the chair, making a very clear clicking sound. Mom pushed the door open and looked down at me. My hands trembled. I hope she can marry a good man, so that mother and child can live a better life, eating meat every day. But I'm also afraid that she will leave me to that cruel grandmother and irresponsible father. After a long while, my mother said softly:
“I want to take Baby Boi to college. If no one accepts this condition, I will not remarry.”
The village cannot hide anything. This failed marriage quickly became a topic of discussion.
“Is Ngoc Phan crazy? Who would care for her own child to send her to college?
“Even within the family, no one will let their daughter finish high school, let alone university!”
“That's right, looking at that little Be Boi, she doesn't look like she's a good student!”
My grandmother laughed mockingly:
"The matchmaker flattered me a few words, I thought I was still a 'good seller'!"
"Wait a few more years, you'll be too old to give birth, see if anyone wants to pick it up!"
Funny, but also pitiful. In the countryside, a woman's greatest value is her ability
giving birth. After that, a few men came to ask my mother. But as soon as they heard about having to support their own daughter's education, everyone quickly withdrew. Over time, the talk in the village changed to:
"She's definitely too chic so no one wants to marry her, now she's using her daughter as an excuse."
Grandma was even more pleased:
"He just still misses Thanh. Do you think there is anyone better than my son in the world?"
8
Mom didn't care about those gossips. She only focused on teaching me to learn. Outside, the sound of Tet fireworks rang out continuously. I no longer have the mind to study and constantly make mistakes. Mom was angry, took a bamboo branch and whipped hard on the back of my hand. During those years, I lived under my mother's "tyrannical" regime. She is busy all day. After digging bamboo shoots, planting potatoes, growing peanuts, growing corn, picking tea, raising pigs, raising chickens, cultivating rice, harvesting rice, going to the mountains to pick medicine to sell... There is no man in the house, so mother takes care of all the big and small tasks herself. Get up earlier than chickens, sleep later than dogs. The children in the village were jealous of me because I didn't have to do much farm work. But I wanted to be like them - after school, I could run and play everywhere. As for me, my homework is always piled up and I can't finish it. And if you do it wrong, you will be beaten. In my eyes at that time, college was a distant, vague thing, a mission my mother forced me to carry on my shoulders. I'm not smart, but my achievements are always in the top three of the class, all thanks to my mother's pressure. She did everything she could to force me to study. The kids who weren't good at studying came to invite me to play, but my mother always gave me a cold face, or bluntly said I wasn't home. If I hadn't done my homework yet and went out to play, she would go from door to door looking for me, grab me and drag me back home. Scolding:
"My baby Boi has to go to college in the future, you guys don't spoil him!"
Over time, no one played with me anymore.
"Kim Boi is a future college student, not on the same level as us."
“Go away, we don't deserve to play with him!”