Chapter 9 — It Turns Out It's Still You

In the end, he texted back exactly one word: “Y.” “I know, who is she, can you tell me?” I stubbornly wanted to find a clear explanation for my youth. If he used to like me and now doesn't like me anymore, I have no regrets. He typed again for a long time, and finally texted back: "It's Du Hoan, the beauty queen of our class, you know, all the boys in our class like her." Du Hoan? At that moment, I was stunned. It turns out that what I thought was "Y" was actually "Du San San", but from the beginning he said it was "Du Hoan". I froze on the spot, both angry and amused. What he said was not wrong. Du Hoan is beautiful, active, good at singing and dancing, more than half of the boys in the class like her. He likes her, no wonder. Really... nothing strange... But for some reason, I feel sorry for myself in the past. I love her so much that I just want to go back and hug that stupid girl. I quickly texted: "Yes, she is very nice, you have good eyesight. I'm going to take a shower." End the conversation with him. My unrequited love started with a crush, ended because of a silly misunderstanding, and forever stopped that summer, when he smiled and called me "tablemate". 26 One year later. I went to university in my second year. Over the past year, I have changed a lot. I joined the dance club, joined the school's press committee, forced myself to interact with more people, forced myself to become open. I curled my hair and dyed it the popular chestnut color. I learned makeup, learned to dress better. Every time she comes home, Giang Thu exclaims: "You've changed so much, your style now is more and more like the old Du Hoan." “No, actually even prettier than her.” “You're exaggerating.” I smiled reluctantly. “Really.” He said smiling. Really? Later, Giang Thu passed the university entrance exam in Jiangsu, and I chose a northern city. That year's wish-filling night, everyone thought I would choose Jiangsu, but I suddenly changed my mind. “Why did you choose a place so far away from me? Haven't you forgotten him yet?” "Forgot it. So you should forget it too, and still be my brother from now on." That night Giang Thu cried a lot. I was in the room and heard it, but I didn't comfort him or say a word to him. There are things that no one else can help you with. The story of broken love, in the end, you still have to put an end to it yourself. Later, when I went home during summer break, he brought a girl home with him. That girl was so cute, she even ran into my room to ask about her "older brother" when she was little. I casually asked how did you two know each other? “As soon as I entered school, I kept an eye on him, wrote him 99 letters on the school confession, but people took it out, and he left a message with the comment: 'Actually, I liked you first.’” I was slightly startled. I was stunned for a few seconds, speechless. Looking at her happy face, I felt like I saw myself in high school. For some reason, the regrets of the past suddenly became relieved. Waiting for Giang Thu and his girlfriend to leave, I sat in front of the mirror, looked at the girl in the mirror, remembered what Giang Thu had said, and was stunned for a few seconds. I am very beautiful. Really beautiful. Just like the role models of girls I once wanted in the past. But it's true, I look strangely like Du Hoan. If it wasn't for a classmate who sent me a photo of Du Hoan, I probably wouldn't have realized I looked so similar. So… did he ever like me even a little bit? Thinking of this, I suddenly panicked because of my own thoughts. I quickly removed my makeup and tied my curly hair into a ponytail, but I still couldn't calm down. Joining the club really brought me a lot of positive things, I met many new friends. They are all very good. Roommate

My college students were also a lovely bunch, we went to school together, went shopping together, looked at handsome guys together, skipped class to watch movies together... We did things I never dared to dream of in the past. One night, I had menstrual cramps and cried without making a sound. My roommate carried me down to the bed. One of them made red sugar water for me. One went looking for painkillers. One of them squeezed my hands and feet. They always move me to tears. It turns out that having friends is such a warm feeling. 27 Maybe because I often participate in performances, there are also many boys in school pursuing me. My close friend Ly Phi Phi asked me: "Why don't you love anyone? I think XX is fine." “I don't know, I don't feel the vibration.” That's right, it's like I've lost my ability to love, I can't be moved anymore. On weekends, my friends and I went to the stadium to eat snacks and chat. Everyone talks about why they chose to study medicine. “Studying medicine is really tiring, I can't finish studying, I can't finish all the questions, I'm constantly experimenting…” “Right now I'm just tired, if I become a doctor in the future I might even lose my life.” “San San, why are you studying medicine?” Someone asked me. “Because…” I was just about to answer, when suddenly a junior girl pulled a male student over. “Introduction, this is the new recruit of our club, Luc Da.” Hearing the words "Luc Da", I reflexively raised my head and saw him. He was wearing a loose white t-shirt, had a crew cut, and stood there leisurely, smiling softly at me. My mind was blank for a few seconds. “Oh my god, the junior is so handsome, quickly sit down!” "A generation of beauty surpasses the previous generation!" … Everyone immediately became excited. I withdrew my gaze, not understanding what was going on. Why did he come to my school? More importantly, why is he now the junior under me? “No, he's the same age as us, 2003, just repeating a year.” Study again? I raised my head to look at him again, he smiled and shrugged at me. Finally, he sat right next to me. Because I have so many questions and so many thoughts going around in my head, I can no longer hear what people are saying. Compared to when he was in high school, he has regained a lot of his edges. No more profanity, no more quick temper, just the same personality, somewhat cold, no matter what others ask, he only politely answers one or two questions. Because there were so many people, he and I couldn't say a word. 28 In the middle of the conversation, suddenly it started to rain heavily. My roommate pulled me back to the dormitory. As I ran, I looked back, he was just walking leisurely in the rain, looking at me, but I couldn't see the expression on his face clearly. It was very difficult to run to the dormitory gate, my heart suddenly became chaotic. “Phi Phi, you go home first, I forgot to bring this.” "What did you forget? It's raining so hard. Let me get an umbrella, then let's go back and look for it." Forgot what? I don't even know what I forgot. Thinking back and forth, I realized - It turns out I just forgot the guy in that memory in the middle of the rain. “No need, I'll be back quickly.” I couldn't wait even a second. I was in a hurry to know the answer and rushed straight into the rain. When we arrived at the stadium, the stadium was deserted, just me and the torrential rain, and he was nowhere to be seen. I laughed at myself, being impulsive and also being amorous. Just as I was standing there laughing at myself, I looked up and saw him. He sat quietly in the stands, smoking a cigarette. When he saw me, he seemed to smile slightly. It turns out that the feeling of "losing and then finding again" is exactly like this. I laughed and ran towards the stands. Approaching, my reason immediately returned, suddenly

feel shy. "Long time no see!" I forced a smile to greet him. “Yeah, long time no see.” He still sat still, looking at me. “Why aren't you home yet?” I shyly walked closer. “Wait for someone.” Waiting for you? My heart started beating fast. He took off his jacket and put it on me, then switched the cigarette to the other hand. "And you, what are you doing back in this heavy rain?" His expression was calm. “I…” The enthusiasm inside me just now felt like being doused with cold water, so I had no choice but to lie, “I forgot something.” “Forgot what?” he asked. “It doesn't matter, I probably won't find it.” I smiled wryly. “Why are you studying again?” I mustered up the courage to ask. I always thought he had returned to his hometown to take the university entrance exam. He paused and exclaimed: "I didn't take the exam the first year." "Huh? What's wrong?" He didn't answer anymore. Since I don't want to say anything, I don't feel comfortable asking more. “So… how did you end up at this school?” I boldly asked again. He turned, looked at me, smiled and asked: "For whom, is it difficult to guess?" My heart suddenly tightened. Does he mean… because of me? It's impossible, after the university entrance exam, he texted me like he wanted to break up with me, so how could he do it for me? I couldn't figure it out, so I could only smile bitterly: "I can't guess." “Sigh…” He sighed, took out his phone, scrolled a few times and showed it to me.