Chapter 3 — Leaving the Jiang Estate

"On what grounds must I remain confined to the estate to transcribe scriptures, while she is permitted to wander freely and admire the lanterns? Is it merely because my poetry is more refined than hers? Mother, tell me, am I truly your daughter?"

Back then, Xia Si Gui had stared at me with such intensity; his eyes seemed to mirror the glow of the lanterns, and I could not discern which shone with greater brilliance. Perhaps to offer some measure of comfort, he spoke to me at length. He told me that the Marquis of Ningyuan and his wife were excessively stern with him, their eldest son, yet they showed boundless indulgence toward his younger brother. He confessed that he had ventured out that night solely to retrieve his sibling from the decadence of the pleasure districts, only to be struck unconscious by the very boy he sought to save, nearly freezing to death in the streets. Finally, he looked at me through the translucent screen.

"Previously, I had always considered myself a creature of great misfortune. Yet, meeting you tonight has revealed to me that there are moments in this life when one is blessed by fate."

I no longer recall what I felt upon hearing those words. Now, I merely offer a cold, hollow laugh. "Young Master Xia, you bear the name of Xia, and I, the name of Jiang; it is certainly not your place to lecture me."

Xia Si Gui pressed his lips into a thin line, offering no retort. He simply scooped Jiang Ying up into his arms, causing her to let out a dainty, coquettish cry. As the pair rounded the corner of the wall, the sound of his voice drifted back to me from the distance. "You really should stop concerning yourself with people who do not matter; overthinking such things only drains your spirit."

As they moved further away, the sound of their voices faded into silence. Distracted by a sudden sense of emptiness, I felt Chun Dao tugging gently at my sleeve. "My lady, please, do not grieve any longer."

I felt a sudden swell of amusement and tapped her lightly on the forehead. "You silly child, your mistress is not grieving at all."

I no longer possessed the heart to involve myself in their affairs. Yet, Xia Si Gui continued to visit frequently, whether to escort Jiang Ying on boat excursions or to bring her delicate pastries and sweets. Whenever this occurred, Mother would wear a look of profound satisfaction. "Your eldest sister has finally found a secure harbor in this life. To find her a man who understands her moods, who cares for her warmth and cold--even if your father and I were to close our eyes for the last time, we could rest in peace."

Her gaze swept over me, then suddenly faltered. "You have not joined us for meals these past few days; can it be that you are still harboring resentment toward me?"

The small, hidden thorns within my heart seemed to sprout anew. I wanted to tell her that by avoiding Xia Si Gui, I was fulfilling her desire for Jiang Ying's happiness, which should have been exactly what she wanted. But reflecting on the fact that I would be leaving the Jiang estate in two days, I realized there was no need for such petty grievances. I lowered my eyes and spoke with studied indifference. "I have lacked an appetite lately, Mother, and I did not wish to dampen your spirits."

As long as the subject remained off of Jiang Ying, Mother seemed to transform back into a gentle, doting parent. "Your eldest sister is a woman of such rare talent and beauty that her reputation has reached the ears of the Emperor himself. Yesterday, in his good humor, His Majesty specifically bestowed a deer leg upon your father, praising him for the wisdom with which he has raised his daughters. In two days, we shall hold a venison banquet, and the uncles and cousins from the various branches of the Jiang family will attend. You must be well-behaved and sensible; do not make a spectacle of yourself again."

She was truly jubilant. Jiang Ying was soon to marry into a position of great power, and now, having caught the Emperor's eye, she was a source of immense pride. Mother radiated a joy more potent than any elixir. On the day of the feast, the sky was a vast, cloudless expanse of blue, and the air held a crisp, refreshing chill. Upon hearing the news of the imperial favor, almost the entire Jiang clan arrived. The male guests sat in groups, lifting their cups in lively conversation. One remarked that the venison was exquisitely prepared, worthy of an imperial gift; another declared that the Jiang family was basking in divine grace and would surely bring great glory to the lineage.

Only Xia Si Gui sat in silence beside Jiang Ying. When she wished for soup, he had already ladled it out and set it aside to cool. When she desired fish, he carefully removed every bone before placing it in her bowl. Even the aunts of the clan could not suppress their envy. "The Jiang family has truly enjoyed one auspicious event after another lately. With A-Ying finding such a perfect suitor, you are blessed indeed, sister-in-law."

Mother smiled. Before she could answer, Xia Si Gui spoke with gentle warmth. "It is I who am blessed. A-Ying has always been a person of rare virtue. If she had not saved me on the night of the Lantern Festival, I would not be the man I am today."

He spoke with such profound affection, yet Jiang Ying's expression stiffened. Even Mother, who had been relaxed moments before, wore a look of utter confusion. The aunt, unaware of the underlying tension, blithely shifted the topic to me. "A-Hui has also come of age. Now that your eldest sister is soon to be wed, I wonder what kind of husband you seek? Perhaps I might assist you in finding someone..."

"She is in no hurry," Mother interrupted, her face hardening as she set down her chopsticks. "Her temperament is obstinate and beyond my management. To marry her off now would be nothing but a misfortune for a husband's family."

As these words left her lips, not only was the aunt stunned, but the entire gathering of the Jiang family fell into a sudden, shocked silence. The great, aristocratic clans prize their reputation above all else. Even when a girl remains unmarried, any reprimands are meant to be delivered in private, where the details might be parsed and discussed with discretion.