Chapter 5 — Leaving the Jiang Estate

I had spent so many hours kneeling before the statue of the Buddha that the incense smoke seemed to coil around me like a persistent, otherworldly fog. It was on one of those long, solitary days that a woman of graceful and noble bearing entered the grand hall. She watched me for a long time with curious eyes before finally stepping forward to ask, "Young lady, you come here every single day. Tell me, what is it that you are praying for?"

I did not turn to look at her. Instead, I stared into the hazy blue ribbons of incense and whispered, "I am not praying for anything. I have simply come to understand that if I expect less from others, I will not be so easily broken."

I should have realized long ago that my mother would never love me. It did not matter if I was more brilliant than Jiang Ying or more defiant than her; she would never hold me in her heart. Admitting this felt like plunging a blade into my own chest, but it was only one wound. I did not perish; I continued to breathe, to exist. I knew that even the deepest, bloodiest gash would eventually scar over. I did not expect the woman to sigh, her voice tinged with a profound sadness. "My poor child, you are so young. Why must you harbor such desolate thoughts?"

It was only later that I discovered the woman was the Empress herself. I never learned why she requested that I enter the palace as an official, but regardless of her reasons, I was willing. Life within the palace walls was, surprisingly, not difficult. The Empress was an approachable soul, possessing a status of unimaginable heights yet lacking the cruelty one might expect of her position. She extended to me a form of tolerance that felt almost unnatural. Palace protocol was a labyrinth of complexities, and though I tried my best, I was prone to mistakes as a newcomer. Yet, the Empress never reprimanded me. She would only offer a soft, reassuring smile, saying, "Making mistakes is natural. You simply learn again. No one is born with the knowledge of everything."

Even so, when the Empress announced that she intended to entrust me with the management of palace affairs, I was struck dumb with shock. "Your Majesty, this is not in accordance with protocol. And what if I falter and ruin everything?"

Back at the Jiang estate, my mother had never taught me how to manage a household. She always insisted I was too young, that there was no need to rush. Meanwhile, she kept Jiang Ying by her side, drilling her in the reading of ledgers and the control of servants. I had been a stranger to my own home; how could I possibly manage the Kunning Palace? The Empress's eyes crinkled with mirth. She was about to speak when an announcement echoed from outside.

"Your Majesty, His Highness the Crown Prince has arrived."

Before the words had faded, Minh Duc, draped in his bright yellow court robes, stepped into the room. His gaze swept over me, lingering for the briefest of moments before drifting away with deliberate casualness. "What were you and Mother discussing so happily? Why not share it with me?"

Minh Duc, the Empress's own son, frequented Kunning Palace every other day. Lately, he had been coming even more often. As a newly appointed official, I had crossed paths with him many times. The Empress looked at me, a knowing glint in her eyes, and laughed. "A-Hui says she does not know how to manage the palace affairs. Since you have some spare time lately, why don't you teach her a thing or two?"

My entire body went rigid. I stammered, "Your Majesty, the Prince is the Heir Apparent; how could he waste his precious time on such trivial matters?"

The Empress simply laughed, clapping her hands together. "Trivial? If the Crown Prince cannot even resolve the affairs of a single palace, how can he ever hope to handle the affairs of the entire court, or even the destiny of a nation? It is settled. Yu, take A-Hui to the side hall and instruct her properly."

I was led away in a daze. Once we reached the sanctuary of the side hall and were truly alone, I looked at Minh Duc with wide, bewildered eyes. Feeling a surge of frustration, I sighed. "Your Highness, perhaps you should just leave. If the Empress blames anyone, I will tell her I am too dim-witted, that no matter how well you taught me, I simply could not understand."

Minh Duc chuckled, shaking his head. "No one ever speaks of themselves in such a manner."

He walked to the writing desk and quickly jotted down a few lines. Seeing me still rooted to the spot, he arched an eyebrow. "Are you coming here, or must I wait for the sun to set?"

I let out a soft "oh" and stepped forward. The heavy, rich scent of sandalwood incense enveloped me. Minh Duc's long, elegant fingers tapped against the paper. "To manage a palace, you do not need to do every task with your own hands. You only need to grasp the key points, know how to interpret the ledgers, and understand who to place in which position and how to command them. That is sufficient."

He was genuinely teaching me. The Crown Prince of the realm was showing me how to read accounts, how to balance mercy with authority, and how to borrow the Empress's prestige to keep unruly servants in line. I did not know how long I had been listening, lost in his explanation, until a light tap on my forehead brought me back to reality. Minh Duc looked at me with a look of helpless amusement. "Are you actually taking in any of the things I just said?"

I shook my head, then quickly nodded. He rubbed his temples and let out a sudden laugh. "Forget it. We will take it slow. I suppose I should not have expected you to master it all at once."

Minh Duc was a man of his word. From that day forward, he set aside an hour or two every day to mentor me. Gradually, I grew proficient in my duties. The matrons and eunuchs of Kunning Palace began to look upon me with increasing respect. They no longer called me by my rank, but instead, with genuine deference, addressed me as Lady A-Hui.