Chapter 18 — Marriage Book

"In the book, you write a lot of details, some passages are very sharp, and some passages are very gentle. Looking back at that time now, do you still feel the pain?"

I thought for a moment.

"Have." I answered honestly, "Human memories are not switches, you can't turn them off. It's just... the shape of pain has changed."

“How to change?”

“It used to be thorns.” I said, "Stuck in my heart, it hurts to touch. Now it's like a scabbed wound, sometimes it's itchy, when the weather changes it's a bit dull, but most of the time, it reminds me of what I've been through, and how I overcame it."

Some people laughed in the stands, some bowed their heads and took notes in books. After the sharing session, readers lined up to ask for autographs. A young girl stood in front of me, holding out a book, her voice shaking slightly.

“I also just got married.” She said, "Reading your story, I'm both scared and grateful. I talked to my husband a lot, and he also agreed to change a few habits. I don't know what the future will be like, but at least I'm no longer afraid of talking about money."

I looked up, saw the light of both worry and anticipation in her eyes, and suddenly remembered myself the other day. I signed my name on the page, then wrote another sentence.

“I wish you always have enough capacity to make your own choices.”

That night when I returned to the apartment, I stood by the window, watching the streetlight cast a soft glow on the ground. The phone vibrated, it was a text message from the editor.

“Have you looked at hot search? Your book was recommended by a big KOL, the discussion is very high.”

I opened Weibo, saw my book title in a hot search section, and below were countless comments. Some people share their marriage stories, some people argue about whether AA should be done or not, some people analyze it very rationally, and some people angrily scold men. I read a few lines, then turned off the phone. Outside the window, the wind shook the tree canopy, making rustling sounds. I suddenly felt lucky, in those debates, no one knew the real name or real place behind the book. I can, to some extent, protect those who have hurt me, as well as protect myself from being hurt. Life is like that, always moving forward. As for the people and events of the past, they will eventually fade into the background of memory, becoming faint shadows. Many years later, on a business trip, I happened to flip through a magazine on the plane and saw an article about the economics of marriage. The author quotes a passage from my book, then combines it with legal provisions to analyze. In the corner of the page there is a small line of text.

“Excerpt from To Ninh's 'Marriage Book', posted with permission.”

I looked at my name, a peace that was hard to describe in my heart. The plane broke through the clouds, sunlight flooded the cabin. I closed my eyes and leaned back in the chair. Many images suddenly appeared in my head. The street full of sycamore trees on the university campus, the candlelight and cake on the wedding night, the "AA agreement" placed on the bedside table, Hua Tinh's somewhat stubborn face in the coffee shop, the cold tile floor in the court hallway, and the long shadow on the beach at sunset. Those images intertwine and overlap in my head, then gradually fade away, finally remaining leaving a bright white space. I suddenly wanted to laugh. Not a sarcastic smile, not a forced smile, but a truly relieved smile. The plane glided steadily above the clouds. I knew my life had left the chaotic vortex of last year and was moving in a more open and free direction. That afternoon, I returned to my small apartment in the coastal city, changed my coat, and stepped out onto the balcony. The clouds on the horizon are dyed a gentle orange-red color, the sea surface in the distance sparkles with broken light. The wind carries a salty taste and the smell of grass, gently brushing across my cheeks. I poured myself a cup of warm water, held it in my hand, looked down at the email notification that had just appeared on my phone screen. It was an invitation from a television station, they wanted me to participate in a talk show about "marriage and money". At the end of the letter, the editor wrote very politely.

“We hope you can share from the perspective of an experienced person, about how to maintain sobriety and self-esteem in marriage.”

I thought for a moment, then briefly answered "yes", then switched the phone to silent mode. The sky gradually darkened, the lights in the city turned on one by one. I leaned against the railing and slowly drank the entire glass of water in my hand. The temperature is moderate, neither hot nor cold, flowing down the throat bringing a very light sweetness. That's another thing I've learned over the years. I don't need to wait for anyone to bring me a so-called "fair" glass of water, I can also adjust it myself to get the most suitable temperature for myself. From afar, the short but decisive sound of the train whistle sounded. I raised my head to look at the sea, the corner of my lips curled slightly. At that moment, I knew I had truly stepped out of that mythical wedding night, and also stepped out of the "AA agreement" that had made me so angry that I was shaking. The past stories were rewritten on paper and printed into books, becoming the story of a man named "Tham Tranh" and an unknown female protagonist in another world, for people to discuss and reflect on. And I, as the storyteller, stood outside of it all. I am no longer a "poor bride" for others to pity. It's no longer a pawn in any plan. I'm just To Ninh. An ordinary woman, picking herself up from a mess, learning to write, learning to let go, and finally learning to embrace life again. The wind blew through my hair, I let out a small breath, as if blowing away the last bit of darkness remaining in my heart. Night falls gently embracing the city. I went back into the house and closed the balcony door. In the room, a warm yellow light lit up. A new chapter of life quietly begins under that light.