Chapter 1 — Only After Leaving You Will Regret It

The day I signed the divorce petition was also the white moon day of Pho Canh Sam's return to the country. The woman he had missed for so many years finally appeared. I know they still keep in touch, secretly going back and forth behind my back. Five years of marriage, he never really cared about my mother and me. I've had enough of that coldness and indifference. If his white moonlight has returned, then I will complete them. When he finished signing the divorce agreement and threw it in front of me, I didn't even bother to read the content. The tip of the pen strongly signed my name at the bottom of the page. He just calmly asked: "You really don't need any money?" I shook my head. His left hand held the small hand of three-year-old Pho Niem An, his right hand pushed the stroller carrying the boy's twin brothers. "I left empty-handed. The children have nothing to do with you anymore." He laughed. Perhaps in his eyes, a woman carrying three small children and still trying to maintain some dignity like me is truly stupid to the extreme. When Deputy Canh Sam returned home, I had just finished putting the twins to sleep. Niem An is lying on the tea table coloring. The picture the boy drew was of a family holding hands. Hearing the sound of the door opening, the boy immediately put down his pen and happily ran over. "Dad!" Deputy Canh Sam leaned over to avoid the small hands that were reaching out. The movement of changing shoes never stops. Niem An stood frozen in place. The drawing book fell to the ground. The open page appears clearly. The boy used a black crayon to scratch out the father's face in the picture into a large X. I bent down to pick up the notebook and pulled Niem An behind me. Deputy Canh Sam placed a file on the dining table. Fingers gently tapped on the cover. I glanced. Four words caught my eye: Divorce Agreement. "She's back." When he said those four words, a faint light flashed in Pho Canh Sam's eyes. That kind of light, during five years of marriage, I have never seen. I nodded, opened the agreement, read each clause. The asset division section is left blank. The child custody section is also blank. He used that emptiness to save me the last bit of dignity. Maybe he thought I would fill it in myself. I gave Niem An's small cup of water to the boy, asked him to go into the bedroom to find his two younger brothers, and then picked up the pen. In the asset section, I wrote four words: "Voluntarily giving up." Pho Canh Sam's hand holding the cup of coffee paused. "There's no need to be like that. I won't let go of what should belong to you." "No need." I pushed the agreement back. "For the past few years, I've used your money for clothes and living expenses. I haven't spent any money. After this, the children will no longer have anything to do with you." He looked at me silently. It's like confirming how much anger there is in that sentence. After confirming, the corners of his lips slightly relaxed. It even brought a bit of relief. "It seems like you're really thoughtful." I didn't answer. Pick up the diaper bag on the sofa. Inside I have been preparing for a long time. Three changes of clothes. A pack of diapers. Powdered milk dispenser. Together with my ID card and my own money, I secretly saved for more than half a year. Total 8,300 yuan. Deputy Canh Sam called out: "Are you leaving tonight?" "Um, the rental contract expires tonight." I'm not lying. The apartment we live in was originally the house I rented before getting married. After the wedding, he did not mention moving. I didn't ask either. The two of them lived together boringly like that for three years. When I moved here, he helped me carry my suitcase. From then on, that suitcase has never been moved again. I walked into the bedroom. Two twins crowded into a small bed. Her face was red and she still had a pacifier in her mouth. I gently carried him

second baby up. The youngest baby hummed softly two times and then went back to sleep. Niem An hugged her small blanket and followed behind. "Mom, where are we going?" "To our home." "Isn't dad's house also our home?" I put the two children in the stroller. Don't look back. "It's never been like that." Deputy Canh Sam stood in the mysterious gate. Still holding a cup of unfinished coffee in his hand. When I walked past him with three children, he suddenly spoke: "You raise three children alone, life will not be easy." "Good or bad is all my business." He put down his coffee cup. Pick up your pen. Sign your name at the end of the agreement. Decisive, seamless movements. As if finally resolving a trivial matter that had been delayed for too long. I looked back at the living room one last time. Niem An's drawing book on the tea table. The note I stuck on the refrigerator. The mint pot on the balcony was planted by myself. The leaves have turned yellow. Because he never watered it. The moment the elevator door closed. The second baby in my arms woke up. Wow, then burst into tears. Niem An pulled the corner of my shirt. In a low voice, I said: "Mom, I'm a little hungry." I raised my head. Look at the pale yellow light ring on the elevator ceiling. Try not to let the tears fall. The phone vibrates. Notification of bank transfer. 200,000 yuan. The note had only three words: “Compensation.” I did not hesitate. Full refund. Less than five minutes later. Pho Canh Sam's WeChat message sent: "Don't cause trouble." I immediately deleted the chat box. The ride-hailing app shows there are three cars left around. The nearest one had to wait nine minutes. The night wind blew. The two twins sneezed. I took off my coat and wrapped it around my children. Then smiled at Niem An. "Come on, mommy will take you kids to eat hot wontons." Niem An finally smiled. Raise your little finger. "Then I want to eat two bowls." "Okay, two bowls." Five years ago, when I married Pho Canh Sam. I just turned twenty years old. There is no wedding. No wedding ring. Even the photo of the marriage certificate was taken by a stranger standing in front of the gate of the civil affairs department. He was wearing a black shirt standing next to me. The expression was just like going through a normal administrative procedure. After receiving the marriage certificate. He took me to a Western restaurant to eat. He said: "We're getting married, just simply getting married. Do you understand what I mean?" My hand holding the knife and fork trembled slightly. Then he still smiled and nodded. Liking him is my own business. As long as I like it alone, it's enough. As for whether he likes me or not... I don't dare ask. The first year after marriage. He rarely comes home. Every day I cook rice waiting for you. Reheat cold food.