Chapter 1 — The Day She Returned, I Left

On Van decided to divorce on the day of their wedding anniversary. It's not an impulsive decision. She thought about this decision for a full year. During that year, she repeatedly asked herself: Can you still continue? Can you still pretend like you don't know? Can you still smile and give him a glass of water when he calls the wrong name? The answer is: no longer possible. She sat in front of the dressing table in the bedroom. The divorce agreement placed in front of her has been signed. On three pages of paper, each signature box has the two words "On Van" written on it. Each stroke is neat and tidy, without any trace of hesitation. The phone screen lights up. This is a message Luc Han Chau sent to:

"Nim Niem will return home today, I'll go pick her up. Dinner doesn't need to wait for me."

Nim Niem. To Niem. The person in Luc Han Chau's heart. On Van looked at the message and did not cry. Four years ago she would cry, three years ago she would cry, a year ago she still knew how to cry. But not today. Because today, the switch in her heart was completely turned off. When did that switch start to loosen? Probably the first year after getting married. That year, on her birthday, Luc Han Chau liked To Niem's post on her friends circle, but never even said "happy birthday" to her. She cooked a whole table of food and waited until dawn. Food is reheated three times. In the end, she sat alone and ate all the food of four people, eating until she wanted to vomit. Probably the second year after getting married. That year, she suffered from acute appendicitis and had to be hospitalized. She was in so much pain that she curled up on the hospital bed. She called Luc Han Chau, he said:

"I'm in a meeting, call the ambulance yourself."

She called an ambulance herself. Self-signed consent form for surgery. Pay your own hospital fees. When I woke up after the surgery, there was no one next to the bed. The nurse asked her:

“Where are your family members?”

She said:

“No family.”

Probably the third year after marriage. That year was To Niem's birthday, Luc Han Chau had nine hundred ninety-nine roses transported by air from France to To Niem's apartment in Paris. When Wen Van cleaned the book room, she saw the bill. Ninety-eight thousand yuan. She remembered her birthday. Luc Han Chau has never even cooked her a bowl of noodles. Maybe last year. On her wedding anniversary, she said:

“Today I made the dishes you like to eat.”

He said:

“Nien Niem was sick in France, I made a few phone calls and lost track of time.”

She waited until one o'clock in the morning. Cold food. Candle goes out. The cream on the cake also deflates. She sat alone in the dark living room and suddenly burst out laughing. Not a happy smile. It's the smile of someone who finally thinks clearly. Wen Van put the divorce agreement on the nightstand and sent Luc Han Chau a final text message.

"Luc Han Chau, I have signed the divorce agreement and placed it on the nightstand in the bedroom. To Niem is returning home today, it's just good. Once you sign it, you can be honest with her. No need to secretly buy ninety-eight thousand roses for her anymore, no need to call her by the wrong name in front of me anymore, and no need to pretend this marriage still exists."

Send. She then blocked his number. On Van only brought one suitcase. Inside are her things: a few changes of clothes, a photo album, a jade bracelet her mother left her, and a savings book. The money in the savings book is the salary she saved for four years of work. Not much, but enough for her to start over in a new city. The pocket money that Luc Han Chau gave her every month, she never touched a penny. It's all on an extra card that has never been activated. She knew that money did not belong to her, she only kept it temporarily. All the things Luc Han Chau gave her: Hermes bags, Cartier rings, Van Cleef & Arpels necklaces, Gucci scarves, were all left in place. She did not take a single item. Those things are too expensive. So expensive that it once made her feel like she didn't deserve it. Are not. Not unworthy. But I don't want it anymore. When On Van walked out of the Luc family villa, Mr. Chu's butler chased after him.

“Madam, where are you going so late?”

On Van turned around and looked at Mr. Chu. Old Chu had worked at the Luc family for twenty years and was the only person who was always polite to her. Every Tet, Mr. Chu gave her a lucky money envelope, saying:

“Wishing you a happy new year, ma'am.”

Even though she knew that the envelope was prepared by Luc Han Chau, she still felt grateful.

“Old Chu, don't call me ma'am anymore in the future.” On Van said, "Lu Han Chau and I are divorced."

The flashlight in Mr. Chu's hand fell to the ground, making a "bang" sound.

“Madam… what did you say?”

“I have already signed the divorce agreement.” On Van's voice was very calm, "If he comes back, just tell him once."

"Madam, did you and sir quarrel? Sir was just confused for a moment, Miss To just returned home..."

“Old Chu.” Wen Van interrupted him, "I've lived in this house for four years. Have you ever seen me argue with Luc Han Chau?"

Old Chu opened his mouth, but couldn't say a word. That's right, you've never seen it. On Van never argued. Never got angry. Never complained. She is too quiet. So quiet that it feels like a piece of furniture. Furniture will not quarrel. Furniture can only break and be thrown away.

“Madam, where are you going?”

“Go to a place where you don't need to be a wife anymore.”

On Van pulled her suitcase and walked out of the Luc family's large gate. She didn't turn back. The streetlight cast a long shadow on her, but her steps were steady. In the taxi, the driver asked:

“Girl, where are you going?”

On Van thought for a moment then said:

“Train station.”

“Which train station?”

“The farthest station.”

The driver looked at her through the rearview mirror, didn't ask any more questions, stepped on the gas pedal. On Van leaned against the car window, watching the street lights recede behind him. The night view of Giang Thanh is very beautiful. She lived here for twenty-six years, but had never really seen it. She suddenly remembered something. Ten years ago, she was sixteen years old, To Niem was seventeen years old. That year was To Niem's birthday, Luc Han Chau organized a very solemn party for To Niem in the To family's garden. Wen Van is a "worker's son" who helps decorate the scene. She moved flowers, moved chairs, hung balloons, and was busy all day. The party was about to start, To Niem saw On Van still hanging the last few balloons and frowned:

"Why is she still here? Today is my birthday party, I don't want to see her."

Luc Han Chau looked at Wen Van and said:

“You go.”

On Van put down the ball in his hand, bowed his head and left. That night, she went a very long way. From the To family's garden, walk to the Luc family's staff room. On the street there was an old lady selling gardenia flowers. Seeing her eyes were red, the old lady gave her a bouquet of gardenia flowers.

“Girl, stop crying. Give me this flower.”

On Van held that bouquet of gardenias and stood under the streetlight for a long time. She didn't cry. She said to herself: On Van, you don't belong to that world. Later, she married Luc Han Chau. She thought she finally belonged there. You are wrong.