Chapter 8 — The Sedan Chair That Doesn't Wait

I could finally look him straight in the eye with a steady gaze.

"Shen Qing, when I was thirteen, our families arranged for us to be betrothed."

"Back then, when my parents were gravely ill, it was you who blushed while wiping away my tears, telling me that from that day forward, you would be my family."

"On that day, it was not just your face that turned scarlet; my own cheeks burned with such shyness."

"You wished to pursue a scholarly career, so I remained in your home, nameless and without status, tending to your needs for three long years."

"I never owed you anything."

"You promised you would marry me, and so I patiently waited for you for another three years."

"I knew you held me in your heart."

"I also knew that the words you spoke were sincere."

"It is simply that my worth in your heart could not even compare to half of your reputation and your prospects."

"You knew well that a woman’s virtue is more precious than the heavens themselves, yet for the sake of your own future, you allowed my youth to wither away for three years."

"You knew how desperately I wanted to be your bride, yet you always sought to hide from that truth."

"All the sorrow and heartbreak I have endured over these years were gifts from you."

"It is not as if I never waited for you."

"I waited for you time and time again."

"I ran through the pouring rain into the capital just to find you. You begged me to wait—to wait even longer."

"I once asked you: were you not afraid that one day I might marry another? Were you not afraid of breaking my heart?"

"Yet every syllable of your reply showed that you did not care for my agony at all."

"Amidst a sea of lights and the mist of the rain, there was someone else who shielded me with an umbrella as we walked, while others, blinded by their own status, looked down upon me and trampled my dignity."

"Shen Qing, I have grown attached to the tenderness I found under that other man’s umbrella."

"I have tasted the sweetness you could never provide, and I have felt enough of the pain you inflicted upon me."

"And so, I will no longer foolishly wait for you."

I pulled the red bridal veil back over my head. Through the blurred vision, I saw droplets of water fall to the earth. Shen Qing reached out to pull me back, but Xiao Linyan blocked his path. He smiled as he helped me into the bridal sedan chair, his voice firm and unwavering.

"Brother Shen, please show some self-respect."

"Today is a day of great joy for Soc Nguyet; do not cause her any more pain."

"You need not worry either."

"The eight-bearer sedan chair that Soc Nguyet desired, the lifelong devotion she longed for, the honorable and legitimate marriage she waited for..."

"Everything others failed to give her, I can provide."

"I will never allow her to suffer even the slightest grievance."

Shen Qing could not utter another word. His eyes were bloodshot as he watched the carriage carry me away to my new life. He let out a bitter, hollow laugh and turned to leave. A single tear slid down his face; just as he turned, it fell upon my sleeve. It was freezing cold—as desolate and bleak as its master. I used my handkerchief to gently wipe it away. From this moment on, I would never again let my heart ache for a man named Shen Qing. The festive music swelled, rising into the clouds. The wedding procession stretched for miles, accompanied by the grand eight-bearer sedan. Shen Qing suddenly recalled the years of our childhood, our shared youth, and the intimacy of our early days. He remembered the way I cried, the way I laughed, and every gesture we had shared. It turned out that once lost, those memories truly possessed the power to shatter one’s heart. He remembered the first time we met. My youthful voice calling out "Brother Shen Qing" had been enough to make his heart bloom with joy. He remembered the token of affection I had shyly given him, which he had guarded carefully, keeping it close to his person for three years. He remembered so many things from our past. Although many years had passed, it felt as though it had all happened only yesterday. Perhaps he truly did regret it all.

When I bowed to the heavens and earth with my husband, Shen Qing arrived at the Xiao estate. He stumbled toward me, holding a blank imperial decree. It was the gift the Emperor had bestowed upon him the day he passed the examination three years prior. Shen Qing had never dared to use it, always treating that blank decree as the ultimate life-saving talisman for the Shen family. Today, however, he pleaded:

"Soc Nguyet, it was my fault in the past."

"I was the one who made you endure three years of painful waiting."

"It was all my mistake."

"If only you agree to marry me, I will use this imperial decree to beg His Majesty to grant us a royal marriage."

"In this life, I swear I will never take a concubine."

"I regret everything."

"I should never have made you wait for three years."

"I am willing to make amends."

"As long as you are willing, I will go to the palace right now and beg the Emperor to decree our union."

I shook my head.

"I am no longer willing."

"Soc Nguyet will not be a fool who waits any longer."

"I do not wish for it."

Xiao Linyan stood before me, shielding me, and ordered his men to see the guest out. With no one left to stand in our way, I was finally able to marry Xiao Linyan. We treat each other with deep respect and love. It turns out that to be married to the one you love, and to be loved by them in return, is a joy beyond measure. Shen Qing remained outside the gates of the Xiao estate, refusing to leave. He stared fixedly at our retreating figures until he suddenly vomited a mouthful of blood and collapsed right before the main gate.