Chapter 8 — The Sick Love Trap

Foreign Affairs I was born as a person with evil blood, taking pleasure in tormenting others. The first time I saw Hua Te, I, as always, threw a dead mouse at him, looking at him in panic and nausea. But clearly scared, he still walked over, grabbed my bloody hand, and patiently washed it. Then I thought: this toy can be played with for a long time. I constantly tortured him, watching him tremble with fear but still trying to pretend to be calm, I found it more interesting than anyone before. Until one day, I looked through the window and saw him hiding in the corner of the wall, a grown man curled up crying like a child, his eyes and nose red. Obviously a pathetic appearance, but I didn't feel happy, for the first time the feeling of torture lost all meaning. At the age of fifteen, when Hua Te came to pick me up, in the middle of the crowd after school, I heard a few female students praising him for being handsome. A feeling of discomfort arose in my heart — as if my belongings were being looked at by others. Very frustrating. Since puberty, I realized I had a strong desire to possess Hua Te. I don't want anyone to look at you, I want you to belong only to me. At that time, I didn't know it was called love. I just know, I want to possess you. But I kept it a secret until my eighteenth birthday. I clearly understand my evil nature. If he had Hua Te at the age of fifteen, then when his mother recovered from her illness, he would definitely leave. At that time, in order to keep you, I can make up lies that you violated a minor, making you paralyzed, without a place to stand, and in the end you can only obediently stay with me. I won't feel guilty, because I was born an evil person. However, I don't want to see him cry. If you cry, my chest will hurt. I don't know why, I just know I hate that feeling. Hua Te is right. I did it on purpose. I knew he needed money, so on his eighteenth birthday, I made that outrageous request. I know, you can't refuse. At first, I didn't care if he loved me or not, as long as I captured him that was enough, then I could suppress my tyrannical nature that screamed every time he wasn't around. But when I heard him say that he didn't want others to know about our relationship, an anonymous fire immediately flared up in my head. Unable to find a place to vent, I could only force myself to ask Hua Te over and over again. "What is Pho Tuan to Hua Te?" He couldn't help but moan softly. Under my deliberate torture, he finally broke down and cried: "Husband... Pho Tuan is my husband." Hearing the answer I wanted, the feeling of suffocation in my heart disappeared. Later, I understood that those mixed emotions were because I loved Hua Te. When I realized this truth, I became greedy. I not only want him to be with me, I also want him to love me too. Even if I'm a bad person, you still have to love me. Hua Te probably didn't realize it himself, when he saw the female student confessing her love to me, how unsightly his face was; I also didn't realize that when I squeezed that boy's face, his five fingers were clenched tightly, their fingertips turned white. On the outside, he pretended not to care, but his actions soon sold him out. I decided to put on a show and pretend I didn't need him anymore. I think this stimulation will make him understand that he loves me. But no, even when I took that kid to the hotel, he obviously drove along, but didn't step down to stop me. I sat on the stairs, watching him outside the car smoking. After smoking, he angrily raised his middle finger towards the hotel door and left straight away. I laughed softly, took out my phone, and called someone to follow Hua Te. After all, he is too attractive to outsiders. If I were to be careless, he could be swallowed up until his bones were gone. I

I thought I had everything figured out, but during the time I left Hua Te, I couldn't control my temper, frustration, and even wanted to sabotage and torture others. My mother called Hua Te, but he refused to come back. I began to speculate whether those actions were intentionally performed by Hua Te to leave me. Because he understands me so well. I tossed and turned all night, in the endless darkness, thinking: does Hua Te love me? Or did he just pretend to love him without realizing it, to find a way to escape from me? If so, why not just lock him up and get it over with? Thinking for a long time, just as I was about to act, the follower reported that Hua Te had just gone to the pharmacy to buy melatonin. I slowly put down the handkerchief still stained with anesthetic. He never lost sleep when he was with me. It turns out he can't leave me. He also loved me, but he would rather take sleeping pills than come find me, suppressing his desire, not wanting to admit he loved me. I took a small knife, sterilized it, and then cut my wrist one by one. Looking at the bright red blood flowing out, I used a bandage to bandage it. I don't want to die, I just want to make Hua Te sad. As long as he loves me, he won't let me harm myself, he will come to me and stop me from going crazy. And I, for his sake, can suppress my cruel nature and obediently obey. Hua Te, I am willing to wear down my fangs, cut off my sharp claws, and become an obedient dog. And its price is that chain that must be held tightly in your hand for the rest of your life.