Chapter 11 — When I Learn How to Bloom Again

Say girls don't need to work hard, just being beautiful is enough. Said his biggest dream... was to marry me, to make me the happiest person. In the midst of those sweet words… I fell in. I gave up the opportunity to study abroad. Relinquished a job offer at a design company. Put on your wedding dress... step into the "lip cage" he built. He said my hobby costs money but doesn't make money. Saying that having me in the house... is "the most perfect design". I gradually let go of the pen. Dreams, talents... Along with my own name... Buried under the words "Mrs. Chu". Ten years have passed. I looked at the yellowed drawings in the file... The corners of my eyes heated up. Tears fell, spreading into blurred ink streaks. I don't cry for lost love. For yourself. For the once brilliant girl... whom I have betrayed for ten years. I stayed in the old house... for exactly one week. I cleaned every corner. Pull out all the weeds in the yard... replant the flowers you like. I brought the dusty sketchbook with me... back to my new house by the lake. Standing in the empty high-floor duplex... A strangely clear thought... appeared in my mind. I want to design this house myself. Turn it... into your own dream. This will be my first gift to myself. Also the first work... of a new life. I entered the office. Lay out a brand new sheet of drawing paper. The sunlight poured down from the large glass door, warm and bright. I picked up the pen... that had been asleep for ten years. The moment the tip of the pen touches the paper— Tan Tranh really… My new house… is like a giant blank sheet of paper. Empty, clean… And full of possibilities. I'm not in a hurry to hire a design company. I bought a professional drawing table, all kinds of pens, and a mountain-high stack of design books. For a week, I locked myself in an empty house. Like a believer… Completing a ten-year belated pilgrimage. At first, my hands were very stiff. Ten years without holding a pen... The familiar feeling has become strange. The lines drawn are... distorted, clumsy. The ideas in my head... seem to be stuck, refusing to flow out. I started to get discouraged. Even doubting... Do I still have that ability? That night, I dreamed. I returned to the graduation exhibition of the past year. My work is placed in the most prominent position. The instructor patted my shoulder and said:

“Tan Tranh, I was born to be a designer.”

In the dream… I smiled confidently. Very brilliant. When I woke up... There was still a drop of water in the corner of my eye. I walked out the window. Look at the sunrise rising over the lake. The sky in the distance... is a brilliant strip of gold. And I suddenly understood. What I lost... It wasn't my ability. It's self-confidence... Eroded little by little... in ten years of marriage. Chu Van Bac has told me countless times.

“Design can't do anything, it can't feed anyone.”

"I am a woman, my biggest value is taking care of my family."

“Your taste is fine, helping me choose a tie is enough.”

In his world… My talent… Not worth a dime. Even I… believe so. But now— No more. I am no longer anyone's dependent. I am me. The person who dreamed of becoming a top designer. I went back to the drawing board. There is no more hesitation in my heart. I closed my eyes. Start imagining your home. I don't want the kind of lavishness that Chu Van Bac does used to like. No need to show off. What I want… is minimalism, warmth, and freedom. I want to tear down all unnecessary walls. Make the space open and bright. I want a big open kitchen. In the middle is a long kitchen island... Friends can sit around, drink, and chat. I want a bathtub with a lake view. Every night you can soak in warm water... Watch the starlight reflect on the water. I want to turn the whole terrace... Into a greenhouse. Half is filled with flowers and grass that I love. The other half… is my studio. I want sunlight... Through the glass roof. Pour it down onto the page... Don't hold back anything. My premonition... was like a stream of water bursting from a dam, rushing out. The nib of the pen glides quickly across the page. Smooth, precise lines. The layout is bold but reasonable. The professional knowledge that I had forgotten for ten years, the design instincts ingrained in my blood... at this moment, they all awakened. I forgot to eat and sleep. If you're hungry, order a simple meal. If you're tired, curl up on the sofa and rest for a while. My world... only the drawing left before my eyes. And the future... is being rebuilt by me little by little. One week later. When I put down the last stroke of my pen. Outside the window... it was already afternoon. The sunset dyed the whole room a warm yellow color. I looked at the complete set of drawings in front of me. Living room, bedroom, office, drawing room... Every detail... contains my enthusiasm, and expectations for the future. I raised my hand and gently touched each space on the drawing. This is not just the design of a house. The life after that... is drawn by me.