Chapter 10 — 700,000 Yuan And An Annulment

"You should choose good blackout curtains, so you can sleep a little more on weekends."

I looked at that line for a long time and suddenly realized that what made me saddest was not the failed marriage. It's that I actually, stroke by stroke, wrote such a life into the future. My mother also saw that paper. She didn't say anything, just folded it up and put it in my palm.

“Keep it.” she said softly, “not to make you turn around, but to remember that you were once serious.”

It's been a long time since we contacted each other, but that night Luong Khai texted again.

“If I change the house book to our names now, would you think again?”

I looked at that line, not a single wave rippled in my heart. Before, I always thought that the most painful moment was when I was betrayed, but now I know, it's not. The most painful thing is that when things have come to this point, the other person still thinks the problem is just a piece of paper, a name, something that can technically be fixed. But he has never seen it, what I need is not a repair. What I needed was from the beginning, to stand next to him as an equal. No need to make up for it later. It's not too late to correct mistakes. It wasn't until I made a big deal of it that he remembered to turn around. I put the phone down and didn't answer. The next day is Saturday. I got up very early and took the train to the west of the city by myself. There is an old apartment over there about fifty square meters, one bedroom, that Chu Ninh sent me. The house is not big and old, but near the train station, facing south, very good lighting. The broker opened the door for me. As he walked away, he said that this apartment was very suitable for a girl to live alone, and the down payment pressure was not too heavy. I followed behind, entering the house, the smell of old wood mixed with the smell of long-lasting sunlight wafted up. The living room is not large, the walls are a bit yellow. The kitchen is so small that only one person can turn around, and next to the window is the previous owner's old potted plant. But when I opened the south-facing window, the wind rushed in, bringing with it the early summer heat. The broker is still talking about layout, loan, total price and negotiation ability. I stood by the window and suddenly couldn't hear anything anymore. It's not because this house is so good. But for the first time, standing in a house, I didn't think about whose mother was here, who felt unsafe, who decided to renovate it in the future, who decided how to place the shoe cabinet or the dining table. I think of myself first. If I lived here, how long would it take to get to work? Does the kitchen surface have enough space for me to cook? Can the window corner accommodate a small table? If this 700,000 yuan is really used as a deposit for myself, can I afford the monthly payment? At that moment I suddenly wanted to laugh. It turns out that putting the "roof" back on yourself is such a feeling. Not dramatic, not fierce either. It's just that in the end there's no need to ask if anyone is willing to reserve a place for you or not. The broker asked me.

“How does Ms. Hua feel?”

I came back to my senses and didn't answer right away. The sunlight outside the window falls onto the floor, the old stains are no longer so dazzling. I reached out and touched the card in my pocket. That card is still old, the corners are faded, and there are still 700,000 yuan inside. Today it was not swiped away, nor was anyone taken away with the phrase "let's talk about it later". It lay there, like it belonged to my life for the first time. I turned my head to look at the small apartment and suddenly remembered On the day of signing the wedding house, Vuong Tu Cam sat across from me, smiling and saying that after I got married, it would be the same. Not the same. Of course it's not the same. On one side is the position given by others. One side is the life I choose. I'm in no rush to sign anything. Just take a photo of the house information in the documents the broker gave you, then put your phone away and go out. Before going downstairs, I stood in the hallway for a while, bowing my head and calculating again. 700,000 yuan remains. The work is still there. If you shoulder the monthly payment alone, it will be stressful, but not impossible. For the first time, I realized that leaving a wrong marriage did not mean the sky was falling. It's just that in the end, we have to honestly live by our own abilities. When I went downstairs, the wind blew in from the hallway window, and the things that had been weighing heavily on my chest for the past few days gradually dissipated. It's not because I won against anyone. It's not because I retaliated against anyone. It's because today, I no longer need to use myself to fill the void for other people's families. Before stepping out of the area gate, I stopped for a moment, bowed my head, and corrected the note on the card. From “wedding house card”, change to “house.” This time, behind that word is no longer attached to anyone's last name. Also do not leave a position available for anyone. No more paving the way for any family. Where this money will go in the future is up to me to decide. As for whether anyone will step in later or not, that's a matter for the future. But first, there must be myself. Because I finally understand, "a roof" is not something I spend money on, then wait for someone else to give me a place to stand.