Chapter 12 — Back to the Day of the Queen Mother's Marriage, This Time I Repented on the Spot, the Dowager was stunned

You won't understand that in this world, besides marrying someone, there is something more important. That is living as yourself. I looked at him and slowly said:

“You are a very good person.”

“Is that the answer?”

Bui Hoai smiled softly. There was a bit of bitterness in that smile, but it quickly disappeared.

"That's OK."

“Then let me give you something too.”

“You say it.”

"Jiangnan is very good. But if one day she has had enough and wants to return to the capital..."

“Then come back and find me.”

“What are you looking for?”

“Drink alcohol.”

"I invited you to drink. Let's not talk about anything else."

I looked at him and laughed a little. Bui Hoai pulled the reins and turned the horse's head. After walking a few steps, he turned around and shouted loudly.

“To Van Duong!”

"Take care!"

In the sound of rain, his voice rang out loudly. I nodded slightly. The car curtain lowered. The carriage continued to move forward. I originally thought that was the end. But unexpectedly, after walking another three miles, another round of horse hooves was heard from behind. This time there was only one horse. More urgent than Bui Hoai's horse. The driver once again stopped the car. I don't lift the car curtain. We know who is coming. It was quiet outside for a moment. Then I heard Tham Nghien Chi's voice.

“Van Duong.”

A layer of car curtain away, his voice was drowned out by the sound of the rain, sounding very far away.

“I won't stop you.”

"I just came... to see you off for a while."

I closed my eyes.

"I know you won't turn back. I also won't ask you to turn back."

“I just wanted to tell you—”

“In my previous life, I was sorry for you.”

“In this life, I should not continue to bother you.”

“Let's drop her off here.”

"What you want to do in the future, where you want to go, who you want to marry, who you don't want to marry, are no longer related to me."

His voice paused for a moment. The sound of rain became more and more dense.

“Van Duong.”

“If one day she encounters difficulties in Jiangnan.”

“Then have someone send me an envelope.”

“I won't see her.”

“I just… help you deal with it a little.”

"Is that Okay?"

I sat in the car, not moving. It's been so long that the sound of the rain outside has gradually become vague. Finally I opened my mouth. The voice wasn't loud, but he could hear it.

“Tham Nghien Chi.”

“These words that you said in this life…”

“If you had said a single word in your previous life, I wouldn't have died.”

Outside the car, he did not answer. We hear his breathing. I told the driver. The driver swung his whip. The carriage began to roll. After going far away, I gently lifted a corner of the car curtain to look back. Tham Nghien Chi is still standing in place. Rainwater fell from the tips of his hair drop by drop. He didn't chase. Just standing there. Just like in my previous life, that wedding night I sat in the new room waiting for him. The red candle burns to the bottom. People still didn't come. Only this time, the person waiting changed to him. I let down the car curtain. The carriage goes all the way to the South. Leaving the capital, crossing the river, traveling for seven days, finally reaching the manor house in Jiangnan. The farm is located next to the water's edge, behind is a large bamboo forest. The manager is a local person, doesn't talk much but works very quickly and neatly. After arranging things for me, he gave me a book.

“Miss, this is the book The last three years of the institute's books."

“Put it down. We'll see tomorrow.”

He backed out. I'm the only one left sitting by the window. Outside the window is water. On the water is rain. The rain in Jiangnan is softer than the rain in the capital. When it falls, it almost makes no sound. I took something out of my sleeve. It's that white jade brooch. I haven't thrown it away yet. Even we ourselves don't know why we haven't thrown it away. I placed it on the table, facing the candlelight, and looked at it for a long time. Finally, we open the window. Throw it into the water outside.

“Boom” sound.

The water surface rippled in waves. Very quickly it returned to peace. We close the window. That night, I slept very peacefully. I slept very deeply. Don't dream. Don't remember anyone either. Early the next morning, I changed into clean clothes and the manager took me to see the fields in the manor. The field is very large. So wide that you can't even see the end. The wind blew, the rice was not yet ripe, each green space after another swayed under the sun. The manager stood next to introduce:

“This side is water fields, that side is dry land, and further ahead is the tea hill. If you want to grow something else, that's fine."

“Grow bamboo.”

We look into the distance.

“I like bamboo.”

The manager paused for a moment then burst out laughing.

“Okay. Listen to the lady.”

Another wind blew. I stood on the edge of the field, looking at the bamboo forest in the distance, suddenly feeling very empty in my heart. But this kind of emptiness is not unpleasant. It's like an empty space that has just been cleared, waiting for something new to enter. I think, maybe I will live here for a long time. Maybe three years. It could also be five years. Or even longer. Who knows, maybe one day, someone will ride a horse-drawn carriage to come to Giang Nam to meet me. Maybe it's Bui Hoai, coming to invite me for a drink. It could also be Tham Nghien Chi, coming to "help me handle some trouble". Maybe it's not anyone. Perhaps it's just a farmer coming to harvest rice, or a good pest coming to deliver the mail. But those things are no longer important. Now we only have one thing left to do.

—— Live well.

Living in place of Su Van Duong in his previous life, who knelt in the prison and waited all night but still couldn't wait for anyone to come. Living for Su Van Duong in this life, the person who knelt down in the middle of a flower banquet, personally reclaiming her own destiny. Live for all the ladies who sat in the wedding room, watching the red candle burn to the bottom but still couldn't wait for the person they were waiting for. Must live well. The wind stopped blowing. The sun slowly emerged from behind the clouds. I raised my head, turned towards that light, and took a deep breath. Spring in Jiangnan... It's just begun. (FULL TEXT)