Chapter 14 — I was once traded for, then became someone they couldn't reach for the rest of my life

He wanted to refute, but couldn't say a word. In the prison next to him, Ta Van So slowly raised his head. His hands were also chained and his prison clothes were covered in dust. Compared to Trieu Viet, he was much quieter, but his eyes looking at me were scary red.

“Trieu Ca.”

He called my name very softly.

"I don't ask you to forgive all my sins. I just ask you to look back once, during the days at Ta Palace, I really wanted to continue living with you."

I look at him. Suddenly, that rainy day appeared in his mind. He tilted his umbrella towards me and said that after a long time of pretending to be husband and wife, he would become true. At that time I really believed it. But then, it was he who blocked my father's military provisions because of Giang Nguyet Bach's dream of being Queen.

“So when you knew my father was besieged, did you ever think of me?”

Ta Van So bowed his head. A tear fell onto the stone floor. He said hoarsely:

“I was wrong.”

“I always thought there would be time later.”

“Make it up to her in time, explain to her in time, wait for her to forgive.”

"But today I understand that there are many things in this world, and once you do something wrong, there will be no more in the future."

Not far away, Giang Nguyet Bach sat huddled in the corner, no longer wearing a jade brooch, no longer wearing a splendid palace. She looked at me, her lips trembling, and finally knelt down.

“Ly Trieu Ca, I was wrong.”

"I shouldn't be jealous of you, I shouldn't humiliate you, I shouldn't covet things that don't belong to me because I want to be Queen."

"Please spare me this once. I don't want to be sent to the frontier. I really can't stand it."

I looked at the three people in front of me. Someone once left me. Someone who once helped me. Someone once insulted me. In the past, they all stood in very high places, looking at me like they were looking at a chess piece that could be arranged at will. Now, they kneel before me again, begging for a way to live. I suddenly understood. The highest revenge is not to make them suffer more than we have. But when they regret to the end, we no longer need that regret. I said slowly:

“I forgive you.”

The three of them raised their heads together. As soon as a little hope flashed in their eyes, I continued:

“But I won't go back.”

“Do not return to the Eastern Palace.”

“Do not return to Ta palace.”

“Let's not go back to the days when you used to treat me like an object.”

The light in Trieu Viet's eyes completely went out. Ta Van So closed his eyes, his shoulders trembling very slightly. Giang Nguyet Bach fell to the ground, crying until she couldn't make a sound. I turned around and left the dungeon. Outside the door, the rain had stopped. The sky after the rain was surprisingly clear. I raised my head to look at the pale gray sky above the imperial citadel, and for the first time felt my chest become much lighter. What is lost is what can never be regained. Finally got myself back. In the fall of that year, the capital received the first rain after the chaos. People who once stood at the pinnacle of power eventually had to leave the place that had captivated them all their lives. Ta Van So was dismissed from his position, stripped of all honors, and exiled three thousand miles away. Giang Nguyet Bach lost all dignity and was taken away with him. The Emperor did not take their lives. Because for some people, continuing to live is the biggest punishment. On the day he left the capital, there was no one to see him off. There are no fancy carriages. There are no servants to follow. There is only one old horse-drawn carriage, a few Simple luggage and a long road with no end in sight. As the wheel slowly rolled through the city gate, Ta Van So turned his head to look towards the capital one last time. There is his Ta palace there. There were years of glorious fame. There is a great position that many people cannot reach in their entire lives. But what he remembers most is not those things. He remembered a lamp in Thanh Chi Vien. Remember every night when he came home late, there was always someone sitting under the light waiting for him. Remember the books are carefully recorded. Remember that the cup of tea is always brewed at the temperature he likes. Remembering the cinnamon flower cake that she learned to make just because she heard that he liked the sweet taste. Remember the cloak has not yet been completed. Remember the rainy day when two people walked together under an umbrella. That day, he thought that pretending to be husband and wife for a long time would probably be true. He didn't know that. The moment he started to move, she started to let go. He used to think that life was very long. If you make a mistake today, you can fix it tomorrow. What you miss today, you can make up for it tomorrow. But Ly Trieu Ca taught him a principle that he must spend the rest of his life remembering. There are people who, once walked out of my life. Even if I spend the rest of my life chasing it. Can't keep up anymore. Next to her, Giang Nguyet Bach sat in the carriage, looking at the man who knelt and prayed to the Crown Prince for her that year. But his eyes now look towards the capital. Looking towards a place she knew well. Who is he remembering in his heart? She suddenly burst out laughing. That laugh was both bitter and crazy.

“Ta Van So.”

“Do you regret it?”

He was silent. But that silence was the answer.