Chapter 19 — I was once traded for, then became someone they couldn't reach for the rest of my life

But as soon as I reached out my hand, the dream immediately ended. When I woke up, there was only the cold wall next to me and the sound of Giang Nguyet Bach complaining about not having enough charcoal. He suddenly burst out laughing. Laugh until your throat hurts. It turned out that the person who truly loved him back then was right before his eyes. It's him that's stupid. He lost it himself. In the years that followed, Ta Van So began to have a habit. Every time he could exchange some paper and pen, he wrote a letter to Ly Trieu Ca. Sometimes just write one sentence:

“Trieu Ca, there is a lot of snow today.”

Sometimes the writing is very long:

"I remember that rainy day again. If I had told you that day that I really wanted to be husband and wife with you, if I hadn't asked if I could meet Nguyet Bach, would you still have given me a chance?"

But those letters were never sent. He knows he has no qualifications. The more he knew, even if he sent it, there would be no response. A person's life is not about writing a wrong word and then erasing it and rewriting it. There are words, spoken one day late, that no longer have meaning. Moreover, he is a lifetime late. Later, he heard that Ly Trieu Ca was made Queen. It was said that the new Emperor Trieu Hanh was very good to her. He had not had a concubine for many years, and she was the only one in the harem. It is said that every year the almond blossoms bloom, the empress will admire the flowers together in the palace. It was said that the Queen loved almond cake very much, so the new emperor ordered the royal family to learn all kinds of ways to make it, just in exchange for a smile from her. The day he heard that news, Ta Van So sat for a long time under the porch. In his hand he still held half a dry cake. He suddenly remembered the package of cinnamon rolls that he conveniently bought last year. At that time, A Chieu said she liked that cake the most. He once replied:

“Then I will remember later.”

But he didn't remember. Others remember him for the rest of his life. That night, he took out an old cloak that he had kept for many years. It was a shirt Ly Trieu Ca had not finished sewing yet. The last thread is still unfinished. He gently stroked the stitch, tears falling without a sound. If that day he hadn't let her go through the side door. If he hadn't let her stay at Thanh Chi Institute. If she was humiliated by Giang Nguyet Bach, he would stand by her side for once. If she asked him if he was really cruel, he would come to his senses. But in this world, the words "what if" are the most useless things. It cannot save someone who has already been hurt. Can't replace broken trust. It's even more impossible to get someone who turned away and left to come back to your side. Many years later, Ta Van So was old. Her sideburns are white, her back is no longer as straight as before. People who were exiled in the past either died of illness or gradually disappeared in the wind and snow. Giang Nguyet Bach no longer argued with him, her whole life was eroded to the point of withering by her own dream of wealth. Only he, every night, still sits in front of an oil lamp, looking at the distant capital. Someone asked:

“Do you still remember anyone in the capital?”

He was silent for a long time. Then he replied hoarsely:

“Remembering someone who waited for me to come home.”

The other person asked again:

“Then why don't you come back?”

Ta Van So bowed his head and smiled very lightly. That smile was filled with bitterness.

“Because she is no longer waiting.”

Outside, snow is falling again. He hugged the old cloak in his arms and slowly closed his eyes. In the last dream of his life, he returned to the Ta palace that year. Thanh Chi courtyard's lights are on. The woman under the lamplight raised her head to look at him and gently called out:

“Husband.”

He walked towards her. This time, he wanted to tell her that he was wrong. Wanted to say that he would never let her suffer anymore. Wanting to say that he really loved her. But when he reached out, the light went out. The person in front of him also melted into snow and wind. In the end, he still couldn't keep her. (Side Story 3 - The Almond Blossoms of That Year, Finally Bloomed) Ten years later, the almond blossoms bloom in the palace again. Under the almond tree in Ngu Hoa Garden, two children were chasing each other through the rain of pink and white flowers. The eldest child is a little princess wearing a red dress, with a lively personality exactly like my old self. The child was a little prince who had just learned to walk. After running a few steps, he staggered and fell into the palace maid's arms. Then he refused to cry and stubbornly stood up and continued running. I sat in the pavilion, looking at the two children, the corners of my lips suddenly curled up. Ten years have passed. Things that once made us think we couldn't overcome them in our lifetime eventually gradually become dusty memories. Trieu Viet has no more news from his exile. Ta Van So and Giang Nguyet Bach also disappeared from gossip in the capital. The world does not stop moving because of anyone leaving. Spring is still coming. Flowers still bloom. People will eventually learn how to live on after seemingly irreparable injuries. Trieu Hanh came from afar, holding a thin cloak in his hand. He has been an emperor for many years, but every time he comes before me, he is still like the young boy under the almond tree that year, with an unchanging gentleness in his eyes.