Chapter 8 — I Went Through The Forgotten Years

I wore a simple white suit, stood under the spotlight, in no hurry, talking about my observations, numbers, projects, and also talking about women's conditions that had been forgotten. Near the end of the speech, I didn't try to create emotion, just said a very calm sentence:

“Not every woman needs to be excellent, but every woman should have the right to decide who she wants to be.”

The entire auditorium was silent for two seconds. Then applause rang out, at first sporadically, then gradually merged into a wave. I stood on the stage, looking at the eyes looking towards me, suddenly remembering many years ago— A very ordinary morning. In the kitchen, there was the smell of oil rising from the egg pan, on the table was my child's exercise book, and I was sitting at the dining table, reopening the computer that I hadn't touched in a long time, as if I was digging myself out of a pile of rubble. If someone had told me then that, a few years later, I would have my own career, have my own house, have my own name, stand on stage and talk about the things that once took my breath away... Maybe I wouldn't have believed it. But life is like that sometimes. You thought you were just cornered. But behind that corner... is another door. After the sharing session, a young girl ran after me, her eyes red.

“Miss Lam, I want to ask a question.”

She clutched the handle of her bag, her voice trembling:

"If now I'm like you were, I left my job a long time ago, was rejected by my family, and feel like I can't do anything anymore... then what should I do?"

I looked at her, like I saw myself many years ago. I didn't say big words, just answered very seriously:

"Start with the smallest thing. Updating your CV is okay, taking a course is okay, or simply keeping a job board in your house. Don't ask yourself to turn the situation around just as you start. First of all, prove that... you can still start."

The girl stood still, listening, then slowly nodded. I smiled slightly:

"And one more thing—don't use other people's judgments to define yourself. A person who is used to enjoying your sacrifices is often the person who doesn't want to acknowledge your value the most. Because once admitted... it also means they have taken advantage of you in the past."

The girl's tears immediately fell, but she smiled. That night, when I came home, Chu Tu Ngon had finished his homework and was curled up on the sofa reading a book. Hearing the door open, I raised my head and held the phone towards me:

“Mom, I watched the video of your speech today.”

“What do you think after watching it?”

The boy looked serious and cleared his throat:

“Miss Lam, mother is very good.”

I laughed and went over to ruffle my child's hair. Chu Tu Ngon let me rub for a while, then suddenly whispered:

“Mom, thank you for taking me that year.”

I stopped.

“Why do you suddenly say that?”

I closed the book, and in my eyes there was the clarity and steadfastness of a teenager:

"Because now I understand. If mom hadn't gone that year, she wouldn't be who she is now... and I also wouldn't be the child I am now."

My nose suddenly stings, my throat feels tight. In that moment, I suddenly felt— All the years I had tried to go through… were worth it. I was most afraid that I would make the wrong choice and cause harm to my children have to suffer along with you. But it turns out, the right choice has never been to keep a perfect appearance. It's for you to see— How a person can stand up from the mud, how he can still not give up on himself after being hurt, and how little by little... he can take his life back into his own hands. That night, I stood on the balcony, letting the wind blow. The city lights spread out in layers, the stream of cars in the distance looked like a flowing river. I held a cup of warm water and looked at it quietly for a long time. There are still many unread messages in my phone, work that needs to be handled, projects that need to be decided, tomorrow will still be busy. But in my heart... very strong. I am no longer anyone's wife, anyone's daughter-in-law, or the woman who "doesn't make money" in someone else's mouth. First of all, I am Lam Van. Then there are other identities. But this name... I reclaimed it myself, little by little. The wind gently blew my hair in my ears, I lowered my eyes and smiled. Suddenly I remembered what I said to Chu Thua Vien that year— Whether anyone wants me or not, you don't care. First of all, I have to want myself. Going back and forth for so many years... In the end, I lived the answer for myself.