Chapter 2 — Living for Myself This Time

Are you not the easiest person to read?

Of course I was. I was the child the Su family took in after my parents sacrificed their lives in the line of duty. So, naturally, I had to be understanding. Ha! The next morning, the moment I saw Su Luu Quan leave the house, I followed right behind him. I needed to return to the Su family home. My engagement to Su Luu Quan had been arranged by his parents, with witnesses present to formalize the union. Even if I truly wanted to break things off with him, it had to be done properly, by speaking clearly to his parents. I also needed to find the original witnesses to give them notice, so as to avoid any awkwardness regarding the status of the betrothal for both parties. I packed my luggage and bought a few gifts for them before setting off on my journey. The thought that in just a few days I would be leaving this place to begin a new life filled me with immense motivation. When I arrived at the house, Su Luu Quan had already returned; there was even food laid out on the table.

Coming home so late? You must not have eaten anything yet. Let me warm this up for you.

As he spoke, he carried the plates into the kitchen. As he brushed past me, I caught the distinct scent of roses—the fragrance of the shampoo used by Ly Tam Tam. It seemed his evening meal had been shared with her and her child. They might have only just left. It appeared that my very presence was an inconvenience to their intimacy. I simply replied, I have already eaten, and walked straight to my room. My packing was nearly finished; I hadn't brought much with me to begin with. A final check tomorrow morning would suffice. Since I had decided to break it off, I wanted to be decisive; I did not wish to leave a single thing behind. Once finished, I headed to the living room for a glass of water. Su Luu Quan’s door was ajar, and seeing me pass, he immediately produced the marriage registration forms.

When would you like to set the wedding date?

I glanced at my luggage tucked away in the corner and answered, Marriage is a significant life event; we should consult for an auspicious date. I will ask your parents tomorrow and then we can decide.

Su Luu Quan nodded in agreement. In truth, him filing these papers now was merely a formality. In the eyes of the outside world, we were already husband and wife. I had been an orphan since childhood; with my parents gone early, I had no remaining family. Uncle Su had taken me in and raised me as his own. Aunt and Uncle treated me exceptionally well, regarding me as their biological daughter. As for Su Luu Quan, he had always been the golden child, the standard by which others were measured. He was handsome, academically gifted, had a refined character, and excelled at everything. To me, he had always been kind. It was only natural that I fell in love with him. Aunt had noticed my feelings, discussed it with Uncle, and they decided to betroth us. She told me that no matter whom I married, she feared I would be mistreated; only by staying in their home could she rest easy. But the truth was, in my past life, the greatest wounds of my existence were dealt by the Su family. I sighed. Whatever I owed Uncle and Aunt, I had repaid in full in that previous life. This time, I only wanted to stay far away from Su Luu Quan. I wanted to live for myself, completely and finally. The next morning, I was surprised to find Su Luu Quan still at home. Seeing me step out, he hurried to the kitchen and returned with a bowl of noodles and a glass of soy milk. It was the first time since I had moved in that we were having breakfast together. He suddenly opened the conversation.

What time are you leaving? I have the afternoon off, so let me take you back. It has been a long time since I visited.

I paused, asking, Are you free?

Su Luu Quan nodded. Since the wedding is a major event, there are still many details to discuss. Besides, you are carrying so much luggage; it is inconvenient to travel alone. It would be better to go with me.

Instinctively, I wanted to shake my head and refuse. I was searching for a reasonable excuse that would not trigger his suspicion when, suddenly, the door was shoved open. A young boy burst in, sobbing and throwing himself into Su Luu Quan’s arms. He hurriedly held the child, coaxing him, Little Huy, what is wrong? Did someone bully you?

Su Luu Quan’s expression darkened, and he asked, Did something happen to your mother?

Little Huy glanced at me timidly before saying, Mother wouldn't let me come to find Dad. She said that Auntie doesn't like us, and if Auntie marries you, she won't let me see you anymore, nor will she let me call you Dad.

In my past life, this very child had pulled my own daughter toward him, causing her to slowly distance herself from me. How could I not hate him? Little Huy claimed his friends called him a fatherless child, a bastard. Ly Tam Tam had cried herself to sleep in her room. Su Luu Quan carried Little Huy away to comfort her, not even stopping to say another word to me. I sneered—true love, indeed. Now, I did not even need to find an excuse to refuse his company. I had been hoping to travel alone for my own peace of mind. Before leaving, I glanced at my work relocation notice one more time and departed with a light heart. Today, I would definitely cancel this engagement. Even though I felt a pang of guilt toward Uncle and Aunt, a loveless union would never bring happiness. They wouldn't want Su Luu Quan and me to end up as an unhappy couple. The moment I arrived home, they happily took my hands and showered me with questions. Uncle kept glancing over my shoulder, and upon realizing I had come alone, he huffed in dissatisfaction. Aunt also expressed her grievance, saying Su Luu Quan was incredibly thoughtless. Several times I tried to speak, but I faltered as I looked at Aunt. Uncle waved his hand, silencing her, his eyes filled with love as he looked at me.

Da Da, if something is troubling you, just tell us. We will handle it for you; don't be afraid.

I bit my lip before whispering, Uncle, I want to cancel the engagement with Su Luu Quan.

Aunt was startled, clutching my hand tightly, and asked with concern, Did Little Quan bully you? Did he do something wrong to you?

Bully me? In my past life, he had truly hurt me; he had wronged me. I simply lowered my head in silence. The room grew deathly quiet, save for the sound of Aunt’s soft weeping. After a while, they began to persuade me.

Da Da, don't be afraid. We are here, and that boy wouldn't dare bully you. Even if he has someone else in his heart, we will never allow that woman to step foot in this house. You should just marry Little Quan and live a peaceful life; things will get better in time. We will always be here to support you. Yes, if that boy dares to mistreat you, I will break his legs! You are a girl; if you cancel the wedding now... what will you do later? Your parents entrusted you to us, and if it ends this way... how could we ever face them again?

Seeing that I remained silent with hollow eyes despite their pleas, they finally grew helpless. Aunt patted my back hard, then pulled me into an embrace and began to cry.

This child... just how much suffering have you endured? Ever since you were little, you’ve kept everything inside, never speaking up. Once you have made up your mind, no one can stop you. But living like this, you will be the one who suffers most in the end.

After Aunt finished crying, she took my hand and pulled Uncle to his feet.

Come, let’s find the witnesses. This engagement... it is over. In the future, I will find you someone much better.

I followed them silently. The witnesses drew up a new declaration, signed it, and stamped it with their fingerprints. Holding the paper in my hand, I finally let out a breath of relief. Everything was finally over. I knew they truly wanted what was best for me. After all, in everyone’s eyes, Su Luu Quan was a golden ticket, something everyone coveted. That was why they had hesitated when I first asked to break it off. Saying we were simply incompatible felt too trivial. Yet, in the end, because they feared I would be harmed, they bowed to my decision. I could not speak of my past life. I could not tell them that Su Luu Quan had abandoned me for Ly Tam Tam. I could not tell them that my own daughter had become the person closest to Ly Tam Tam. I could not tell them that in my previous life, I died with my eyes wide open, full of regret. Everyone had called me the obstacle preventing the happiness of that family of four. No one mentioned that I was the legal wife whose marriage had been dismantled. No one said that, even though I had a husband and a child, I had lived a life of profound and absolute solitude.