Chapter 5 — Living for Myself This Time

Yet, every single month, he sent me letters, even enclosing his salary. He promised he would always wait for my return. He claimed he had already prepared a new home for us. He insisted he had sent Ly Tam Tam and her child away. He swore he had applied for a transfer to join me. He told me he wanted to spend the New Year with me. But in the end, he never came, for he had married Ly Tam Tam. From that moment on, I severed all ties with Su Luu Quan. Years later, after completing my university studies alongside Phuong Minh Binh, I began working in a laboratory. At a scientific conference, I reunited with Department Head Vuong. It was then that I finally learned the truth about Su Luu Quan. It turned out that Ly Tam Tam had intercepted his transfer request. Terrified that if Su Luu Quan left, her life and her child’s future would lose their only pillar of support, she deliberately got him intoxicated and stayed the night in his room to force his hand.

The situation was chaotic, Department Head Vuong sighed. Su Luu Quan was forced to change his career path, and Ly Tam Tam eventually lost her job as well. Now, they lead a miserable existence, fighting over the smallest things every three days and having major blowouts every two. Their life has become the talk of the neighborhood. Su Luu Quan is truly a tragedy. He once had such a promising future, yet now he has descended into alcoholism and petty squabbles. Just a few days ago, he got into such a violent fight with Ly Tam Tam that the police were involved, and his workplace dismissed him entirely. You were truly fortunate, he added. Back then, when you chose to leave for the countryside, I felt pity for you. Looking back, it must have been your parents watching over you, protecting you from such misfortune.

I smiled, knowing full well how lucky I truly was. I was fortunate to have been granted a second life, blessed with the chance to choose a different path. I was lucky to have climbed out of that quagmire and defined my own worth. Life should not be defined solely by love, but also by dreams and the vast horizons beyond. I met Su Luu Quan again twenty years later. By then, I was a respected scientist, while he was nothing more than a ragged wretch, cradling a child who was crying incessantly. The shoulders that had been straight for two lifetimes were now permanently hunched. His eyes were bloodshot as he mumbled endless apologies. I offered a calm, detached smile and finally spoke the congratulatory wish I had owed him for two lifetimes: Congratulations on your wedding; it is never too late to say it. In this life, I was indeed fortunate, but his own self-deception and selfishness had destroyed my life in the previous one. I had chosen to let go, but that did not mean I had forgiven him. Su Luu Quan lowered his head even further, offering a bitter laugh as he murmured, You have every right to hate me; this is all my own doing, my karmic retribution.

Academician Tien, please step into the auditorium.

Today marked the centennial anniversary of the Capital University, and I had been invited to speak. I smiled and turned to Su Luu Quan, saying, I must go now. With that, I turned away and walked toward the glorious path of my own making. No farewells, and no expectation of ever meeting again. Later, Su Luu Quan showed me a wedding photo of my daughter, adding, Do not be angry; the child was only afraid you would not approve, which is why she kept it from you.

Love can be betrayed, but effort is never in vain.

— Supplement: The Story of Su Luu Quan —

Ever since Da Da left, Ly Tam Tam changed completely. She constantly fabricated reasons to prevent me from seeking Da Da out, even plotting to force me into marriage. After we wed, she grew erratic and unstable. Whenever I spoke to another woman, she would turn cynical and biting. Even when I attended company functions, she would show up to cause a scene. My parents were so enraged that they fell ill and passed away. During one particularly heated argument, I was struck on the head by Xiao Hui with a chair and lost consciousness. The boy, fearing he had killed me, fled in a panic and was struck and killed by a vehicle on the spot. Upon seeing her son’s mangled remains, Ly Tam Tam lost her mind entirely. When I finally regained consciousness, a strange, haunting memory resurfaced. That memory left me in the crushing despair of knowing that in this life, Da Da and I would never find our way back to one another. It also made me understand why Da Da had preferred to endure the hardships of the countryside rather than marry me.

To never disturb her again in this life was the only way I could ever make amends.

In my previous life, only after Da Da passed away did I learn that Ly Tam Tam’s life-threatening illness had been a fabrication. She had merely staged it to force me to divorce. Only then did I realize how deeply I had failed. I was filled with regret, but Da Da could never return. I rejected Ly Tam Tam, intending to live out the rest of my days in solitude before Da Da’s portrait. Yet, within a year, my own daughter was abused to death by them. I reported the crime to the police, personally sending Xiao Hui to prison. Filled with hatred, Ly Tam Tam pushed me from an upper floor, ending our lives together. Before dying, my only wish was that if there were a next life, I would hold Da Da tightly and never lose the one I loved. I never expected that Heaven would truly grant me a second chance. It is a pity that I failed to cherish it. The baby girl in my arms whimpered like a small kitten, and I knew she was hungry. She had not eaten a proper meal in days. I had no money for milk, only rice water to give her. She was Xiao Hui’s daughter. After Xiao Hui died, his wife abandoned the child and vanished. Now, only the child and I remained, clinging to each other for survival.

Sai Sai, do not cry, Grandpa will take you home for some rice water.

But… I no longer had a home.