Chapter 8 — The One Who Remembers Me Instead

But throughout the capital, who doesn't know that the eldest daughter of the Ky family has been abandoned by the Lang family? High-ranking families criticized her for not keeping her virginity. People with low family status are not pleasing to her eyes. The high couldn't come, the low couldn't take it, the mother was so impatient that the corners of her mouth were full of blisters. One time, my mother asked someone to spread the word and said she wanted to meet me. I'm not coming. After that, she passed the message a few more times, saying that my body was not healthy. Later, even Mrs. Qi couldn't bear to watch anymore, so she tactfully reminded:
“Ah Nguyen, after all, it is my mother who gave birth to me…”
I was silent for a moment then smiled at Mrs. Te:
"It's enough for mother to know that you live well in the Qi family."
Mrs. Qi looked at me for a moment, sighed but said nothing more. Two months later, my mother finally asked my great-grandmother to deliver a letter. On the outside is the ancestor's letter, inside is a thin piece of paper. In the letter, the mother wrote:
"Your mother begged me to hand it over. She said she didn't dare send it directly to the Qi family, afraid that you wouldn't accept it. Whether you watch it or not, decide for yourself."
I opened that thin piece of paper. The mother's writing is crooked, like the hand holding the pen is always shaking:
“A Nguyen, mother dreamed that when you were seven years old, you stood outside my room.”
"I heard a knock on the door, but when I opened it, I didn't see anyone. Now that I think about it, perhaps you had already left at that time."
“Mother wants to ask you, what did you want to tell me that day?”
"The box of colors I wanted when I was little, my mother went to the store to look for them. The shopkeeper said they were no longer made."
“Mother looked in many stores but couldn't find any.”
"Mother still remembers that you said you didn't like sweets. But when you were little, you clearly liked the cinnamon flower cake from the store in the south of the city the most."
“It's the mother who forgot.”
“Now, every time I look at my sister, I think of you in my heart.”
“Ah Nguyen, can mother still see me?”
I looked at the letter for a long time. The paper in his hand trembled slightly. I folded the letter and put it back in the envelope. I don't respond.
18
In the fall of my third year, I gave birth to a daughter. The day I was born, I struggled all night. Qi Yu stood in the hallway all night. By morning, his eyes were bloodshot from staying awake. The moment the child was born, a resounding cry came from the delivery room. I heard him let out a long sigh outside the door, then lowered his voice and asked:
“Is A Nguyen okay?”
The midwife smiled and replied:
“Peace be with the mother.”
When he pushed the door open, I was holding that small, wrinkled creature. She was so small, so soft, like a ball of dough that had just been kneaded. He closed his eyes and cried, his cry was as small as a kitten's. I lowered my head to look at it, suddenly feeling that the void that had existed for many years in my heart was gently filled by something.
“Like her.”
Qi Du stopped to look, his voice was hoarse.
“Where is it like me?”
I laughed:
“Such bad.”
"What's so ugly? She's beautiful and lovely, just like her mother."
He stubbornly said, then reached out and gently touched his daughter's hand. That small fist was clenching tightly. After being touched by him, it slowly opened and grabbed one of his fingers. Qi Du's whole body immediately stiffened, as if he had been hit by a body fixation technique. I looked at his rare clumsy appearance and laughed so much that my wound hurt. When the news reached the Ky family, the mother sent Qin Mama brought a pair of longevity locks. The lock is made of pure gold, extremely delicately crafted. On the lock's surface are engraved four words wishing for a long life of 100 years. Mother Qin said, mother ran through seven stores to find this style. I received a pair of keys and placed them in my hand to estimate. Very heavy. Before leaving, Mother Tan wanted to stop talking, stood at the door and turned around to look at me a few times. I know what you want to ask. I hugged my daughter to the window. The begonia tree outside is in full bloom. The pink and white petals cover the branches and fall down every time the wind blows, like a very light snowfall. The girl moved slightly in my arms, her small hand holding the hem of my shirt. I lowered my head to look at her, gently placing my chin on top of her head. Mother's favoritism. Her late regret. These are all things that I used up all of my time in my youth but couldn't have. But when we actually receive it, we discover that it is just that. I no longer want it.
19
A few more years passed. The mother-in-law passed away. She passed away at the age of ninety-three, which was considered a complete funeral. I took Te Du and his daughter back to mourn. In the shrine, white flags fluttered, heavy funeral music sounded. The mother knelt before the spiritual throne, crying until she almost fainted. Her father's eyes were red and he stood beside her to support her. Ky Minh Chau also knelt among the group of female relatives. She was much thinner than before, her face was yellow, her eye sockets were deeply sunken, no longer had any of the brilliance of the past. When she raised her head to see me, her lips moved slightly, as if she wanted to say something. I don't look at her. I walked up to the altar and respectfully bowed my head three times. I will always remember the good things my ancestors gave me for the rest of my life. On the day of the funeral, I held the coffin and walked part of the way. The coffin is heavy, inside is the person closest to me in this world.