Chapter 1 — Today, I’m Done Waiting

When he brought the longevity lock home, our child was already gone. On the tenth day after my surgery for a missed miscarriage, Ta Van Xuyen presented me with a traditional silver longevity lock. A crimson silk brocade box sat conspicuously in the center of the coffee table. The lock itself was tiny, its edges delicately carved with auspicious clouds, bearing the characters "A Long and Prosperous Life" on the front, and four simple words engraved on the back: "Peace Through the Years." Van Xuyen handed his overcoat to the housekeeper and sat down beside me.

"Shen Rou specially went up the mountain to pray for this."

"Longevity locks from that temple are terribly difficult to secure. She had to line up before dawn, saying it was just a small token of her heartfelt wish for the baby."

I lowered my eyes to look at the lock. A dull ache began to twist in my lower abdomen once more. The doctor had said this was entirely normal. The uterus needed time to contract, the body needed time to heal, and the emotions needed time to mend. Only Van Xuyen seemed to believe that everything was still salvageable, that time could simply be rewound. Seeing that I remained silent, he reached out and gently touched my cheek.

"Why does your complexion still look so poor?"

"Have you not been eating properly lately?"

I instinctively avoided his hand and closed the lid of the brocade box with a soft click.

"It is no longer of any use."

Van Xuyen paused, his hand hanging in the air.

"What did you say?"

"The baby is gone."

The living room descended into a heavy, suffocating silence. The antique wall clock chimed precisely once. Van Xuyen stared at me intently, as if he had failed to comprehend my words.

"What did you just say?"

"Ten days ago, the child passed away."

His expression gradually hardened into stone.

"Lin QingSui, this is not something to joke about."

I offered no explanation. Instead, I reached under the coffee table, retrieved a folder of documents, and slid it across the surface toward him.

"The divorce agreement."

"My lawyer has drafted the division of assets according to our prenuptial agreement. The Spring Pond Bookstore is my premarital asset, and everything else can be settled strictly by the contract."

Van Xuyen did not even glance at the papers. His gaze remained firmly locked onto my face. After a long, agonizing pause, he finally asked, "When did this happen?"

"Ten days ago."

"I am asking you why the child was lost."

"The pregnancy simply stopped progressing."

"What did the doctor say?"

"A missed miscarriage."

His voice dropped abruptly, heavy with disbelief.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

I looked straight at him. For these past ten days, Van Xuyen had remained stationed in Nan Cheng, hovering closely by Shen Rou's side. Shen Rou had been on the verge of engagement, but right before the ceremony, she had suddenly changed her mind. Standing on the hotel rooftop, she had wept hysterically down the phone to Van Xuyen, crying that she had nothing left in the world. Van Xuyen had driven through the dead of night to rush to her side. That very evening, I had also sent him a message. I told him I was bleeding, that I was currently in the emergency room. Half an hour later, he replied with just two words: "I'm busy." Shortly after, my phone battery died, plunging the screen into blackness. When I finally regained consciousness, my child was already gone.

"I did tell you."

Van Xuyen furrowed his brow.

"You only said you were at the hospital."

"I told you I was bleeding."

"But you never mentioned that the situation was this serious."

A sudden, bitter laugh escaped my throat. It hurt so much that my lower abdomen cramped violently. I pressed a hand against my stomach.

"Of course."

"I suppose I should have compiled the doctor's diagnosis, the exact volume of blood loss, and whether or not there was still a fetal heartbeat into a formal report before sending it to your desk."

"Perhaps I should have CC'd your personal assistant as well."

Van Xuyen's expression turned grim and unpleasant.

"That is not what I meant."

"Then what *did* you mean?"

He fell silent for a few seconds, lowering his voice.

"Shen Rou's state of mind at the time was extremely fragile."

"She had just come down from that rooftop; her emotions could have spun out of control at any moment. I couldn't simply abandon her there alone."

"I had originally planned to return the very next day."

"It was only after her parents rushed over and got into a bitter argument with her that I ended up staying a few more days."

I nodded slowly.

"So she cannot bear to be away from you for ten days."

"While I, apparently, can."

"QingSui." His voice lowered further, carrying the tone of a reprimand, a reminder to know where to draw the line. "Do not speak in that tone."

In the past, whenever his voice dropped like that, I would invariably be the one to back down. I feared arguments. I feared the baby hearing our discord. I feared that a single harsh word would shatter the fragile happiness we had worked so hard to build. But now, the child I needed to protect was gone. And I no longer had any desire to protect this marriage either.

"You can take the agreement back to your study and read it at your leisure."

"Later today, my lawyer will be in touch with you."

I stood up. Van Xuyen lunged forward and grabbed my wrist. His grip wasn't tight, but it was enough to rob me of my balance, causing me to stumble back down onto the sofa. Instinctively, he reached out to steady me, but I immediately flung his hand away.

"Do not touch me."

Van Xuyen's eyes darkened dangerously.

"What on earth is wrong with you?"

"We lost the child, and I am grieving just as much."

"You are grieving?" I glanced toward the doorway at the suitcase he had just brought home. A luggage tag from the Nan Cheng hotel was still dangling from the handle.

Shen Rou adored that hotel. Whenever her mood plummeted, Van Xuyen would always accompany her there to stay for a few days. The resort featured the hot springs she loved, the specific pastries she craved, and a Van Xuyen who was always willing to drop his own wife and rush frantically to her side.

"When you were grieving, you were admiring the ocean with Shen Rou."

"I was not admiring the ocean with her."

"Does it even matter?"

"Does it not matter?" Van Xuyen tightened his jaw. "QingSui, I know you dislike Shen Rou, but there is nothing between us."

"Her parents and mine have known each other for years. I have always simply looked upon her as a younger sister."

"She just went through a devastating breakup, and there was no one else by her side to lean on."

I listened without interrupting. Once upon a time, these explanations were precisely what I had ached to hear. But now, actually hearing them brought only an overwhelming, bone-deep exhaustion.

Van Xuyen, I am not asking about the nature of your relationship.

"You do not need to prove anything to me."

"I simply want a divorce."

He stared at me, and for the first time, it seemed as though the true weight of my words had finally broken through.

"Out of the question."

I remained silent. Van Xuyen picked up the divorce agreement, flipping rapidly through the pages. When his eyes landed on my signature at the very bottom, his expression finally fractured.

"When did you prepare this?"

"Yesterday."

"You had just undergone surgery, and you immediately went to find a lawyer to prepare for a divorce?"

"Yes."

"Lin QingSui, your emotional state right now is unstable."

"Once your body has recovered, we can discuss this calmly."

"I am perfectly stable."

"A stable person does not demand a divorce ten days after losing a child."

I looked at him, finding the absurdity of his words almost laughable.

"Then when should I do it?"

"In a month?"

"In half a year?"

"Or perhaps I should wait until I conceive another child, and simply pretend that this little one never existed at all?"

Van Xuyen furrowed his brows tightly.

"I did not say that."

"We can always have more children in the future." The moment the words left his lips, he stopped himself, catching the cruelty of his own statement.

I watched him. He must have realized just how callous those words sounded in the wake of our loss.

"QingSui, I didn't mean you should forget the baby," he stammered, attempting to mend the breach. "I only meant that we are still young."

"I will consult a specialist and find out the exact cause."

"Shen Rou happens to know an exceptional obstetrician; I can ask her to help arrange an appointment for you."

I closed my eyes tightly. The pain in my lower abdomen flared, sharper and more insistent than before.

"Get out."

Van Xuyen did not move.

"I am tired."

"Leave me in peace for a while."

"This is my home," he said stubbornly. "You are my wife."

"I cannot simply leave you alone at a time like this."

I slowly raised my head to look him in the eyes.

"When I was lying alone on that operating table, you had already left me alone."