Chapter 3 — Today, I’m Done Waiting

This time, he remained standing in place, making no move to pursue me. Perhaps he genuinely believed that in a few days, I would return of my own accord. After all, the Qing Su portrayed in the book had never possessed the heart to truly walk away from Wen Xuan. No matter what wrongs he committed, a single embrace, a tender kiss, or a sudden downpour was always enough to prompt her forgiveness. Yet, I was no longer the captive soul bound to that predetermined happy ending.

The Chi Chun Bookstore was nestled deep within the old quarter. Having remained shuttered for five full years, its brass lock was coated in a thick layer of rust. It took several attempts before the key finally slipped into the mechanism. The moment the heavy door was pushed inward, a dense cloud of dust surged forward, rushing to greet my face. The interior was far more cluttered than I had anticipated. The bookshelves were draped in yellowed white sheets, while the dark corners were stacked high with cardboard boxes left behind from our hasty relocation years ago. The water pipe was still functional, though the initial stream sputtering from the faucet ran a dark, rust-stained orange. The compact loft on the second floor lacked a proper bed, furnished only with a worn-out sofa. No sooner had I cracked open the window to air out the space than my cell phone began to vibrate insistently. It was my mother-in-law, Man Hua.

Qing Su, Wen Xuan mentioned that you have moved out of the house?

Yes.

You have only just undergone surgery; how could you possibly act so recklessly? Her tone remained perpetually measured and even, carrying the polished veneer of genuine concern. I will have the driver sent over to pick you up.

There is no need.

And what about Jia Mu? The hand gripping the phone tightened instinctively, my knuckles turning white.

Is he not at the kindergarten?

The line fell silent for a fleeting moment.

He has been staying at the main estate for the past two days. Your health is currently delicate, and since Wen Xuan is away from home, I was simply worried the nanny might not look after him with sufficient care, so I brought him here ahead of time.

I glanced down at my watch. It was half-past four in the afternoon—the exact hour the kindergarten let out.

I am coming to pick him up right now.

Qing Su. Man Hua let out a soft, measured sigh. Jia Mu has already been crying and fussing over the past few days because he could not see you. Wen Xuan was just telling me about it; the boy keeps asking what happened to his baby sister. If you go to see him in your current state, should you fail to keep your emotions in check, it will not be good for either mother or child.

I am perfectly capable of keeping myself under control.

You are on the verge of a divorce, yet you still claim you can maintain your composure? Her voice remained unnervingly calm. The words were delivered with a light, airy casualness, yet they pierced through me with the force of a blade. Just let the boy stay with me for a few more days. Wait until your physical strength and your state of mind have thoroughly stabilized before you come to take him back.

I chose not to continue the futile argument.

I will be there in half an hour. With that, I ended the call.

The Ta family estate was situated not far from the bookstore. By the time I arrived, Man Hua was already seated at the dining table with Jia Mu, guiding him through his evening meal. The four-year-old boy sat quietly beside the long mahogany table, a bowl of his favorite minced pork and steamed eggs set out before him. The moment he caught sight of me, the small spoon in his hand froze mid-air. Yet, unlike in the past, he did not scramble down to rush into my arms.

Mother. His voice was barely a whisper.

I walked steadily toward his side.

Jia Mu.

I reached out my hand, intending to stroke his soft hair. By sheer instinct, the child flinched and retreated slightly toward his grandmother. The evasive movement was feather-light, yet it caused my outstretched hand to freeze awkwardly in mid-air. Man Hua immediately stepped in with a practiced, placating smile.

Look at this child, she chuckled softly, acting all shy just because he hasn't seen his mother in a few days.

I slowly withdrew my hand and took a seat beside him.

Have you been eating properly these past few days?

Jia Mu nodded in response.

Have you missed your mother?

Again, the boy nodded, while a searing lump rose in my throat, choking off my breath.

Then, will you come home with Mother today?

Jia Mu lifted his head to look at me. A momentary flash of bright eagerness sparked in his eyes, only to be abruptly swallowed by a heavy shadow.

Are you feeling better now, Mother?

Mother is much better.

Does your tummy still hurt?

It does not hurt nearly as much.

The boy gripped his spoon tightly, lowering his head as he murmured in a timid voice: If I come with you, will it make Mother feel even more uncomfortable?

I stood frozen in place, utterly stunned.

Who told you such a thing?

Man Hua calmly set a glass of warm water down before me. No one has said anything of the sort to him. Children are simply sensitive by nature; knowing that you have just lost your baby sister, he is merely afraid of being a burden to you.

Jia Mu. I ignored her entirely, keeping my gaze fixed squarely on my son. Why would you ever think that seeing your mother would make her uncomfortable?

The child pressed his lips tightly together. After a long, agonizing silence, he finally piped up in a barely audible maiming of words: Grandmother said that Mother cannot bear to look at children anymore.