Chapter 11 — Today, I’m Done Waiting

I will call the nanny over.

His demeanor shifted with abrupt swiftness, as though he were managing an issue that had suddenly been dragged into the light. Yet I refused to let the matter drop.

You still have not answered Jia Mu.

Why is the little sister not staying?

Xuan looked down at his young son. After a long, heavy silence, he finally spoke.

It was an accident.

No one is to blame.

Jia Mu asked again, Then why does mother want to divorce father?

Jia Mu, Xuan said, his voice dropping to a harsh register. This is a matter for adults.

The flickering light in the boy’s eyes instantly died. He lowered his gaze to look at the tips of his own shoes.

If I am a little more obedient, will father and mother not get a divorce?

No, I answered without a single moment of hesitation. You do not need to be more obedient.

Nor do you need to do anything at all to help your father and mother.

The reason we are separating is simply because your father and mother can no longer continue to live together under the same roof.

But both of us will always love you, no matter what.

Xuan stared at me.

Must you insist on telling him all of this right now?

Then just how long do you expect me to wait?

Until you manage to stage a brand-new wedding, so that he can be fooled into thinking all of our problems have magically vanished into thin air?

That is not what I am thinking.

And yet, everything you have ever done has been aimed at forcing everyone right back into their original positions.

I return to the house.

Jia Mu continues to play the role of the well-behaved, understanding child.

Rou temporarily vanishes from our sight.

And then afterward, we simply have another child.

Only then can you pretend as though absolutely nothing ever happened, am I right?

Xuan’s voice turned frigid.

I never once said I would use another child to replace our daughter.

Yet you explicitly told me that future children could still be had.

He offered no further words. Suddenly, Jia Mu reached out and grabbed hold of my hand.

Mother, I do not want a little sister anymore.

I looked down at my son.

I only want you to stop hurting.

Tears rushed to the surface, stinging my eyes. I pulled the boy tightly into my arms.

Alright.

Mother will get better.

Xuan stood rigidly right beside us, his face drained of all color. He did not stay through the night. The very next day, both our family physician and a psychological counselor arrived to conduct a thorough medical and mental evaluation of my condition. They concluded that I was suffering from no severe physical or psychological ailments, merely advising that I continue psychological treatment for the trauma of losing our child—something that would not impede my ability to care for a young child. Man Hua was deeply dissatisfied with these findings. That very afternoon, she came over in person, once again trying to persuade me to leave Jia Mu in the care of the family. She urged:

Xuan has already promised to cut off all contact with Rou.

He is genuinely willing to change his ways.

A man has already humbled himself to such an extent for the sake of the child; what more could you possibly want?

I looked straight at her.

Are loyalty and boundaries really considered grand rewards in the eyes of all of you?

Just because he is willing to dole them out as favors, am I supposed to bow my head in profound gratitude?

Man Hua was left utterly speechless, and she stormed off in a rage later that afternoon. That evening, Rou came to the bookstore. When she arrived, she did not shed a single tear, nor did she address me with the usual polite title she always used. Instead, she simply seated herself at the table by the window.

I want to talk to you.

We have nothing to talk about.

I refuse to be branded as a homewrecker simply because the two of you are getting a divorce.

Then perhaps you should go and take this up with Xuan.

I am certainly not the one who dragged you into this marriage in the first place.

Rou clenched her hands tightly together in her lap.

Xuan does not love me.

The person he has always loved is you.

I remained entirely silent.

He stays by my side purely out of a sense of responsibility.

After my engagement fell apart, my mental state was in absolute ruins.

He was simply terrified that I might do something desperate.

The two of you are the ones who are legally married.

He has never once entertained the notion of divorcing you.

Then what exactly is it that you want to say to me?

You have every right to be angry with him.

You can demand that he keep his distance from me.

But you should not use the weapon of divorce to punish him like this.

I gazed at her steadily.

Rou.

Do you honestly believe that I will not actually leave for good?

She froze for a fraction of a second.

Xuan has always said so.

He assured me that you were merely waiting for him to bow his head to you.