Chapter 17 — Wu Yang Flower – Jade Snow Palace

My whole body stiffened in that moment, my blood seemed to freeze, my heart beat so slowly that I could clearly hear each heavy beat. He also saw me. His unsteady steps suddenly stopped. We stood there, just a few feet apart, in the middle of a noisy crowd, our eyes piercing through space and touching each other again. In his eyes... there was no longer the noble and noble majesty of the past, no longer the crazy possessive desire of the past, nor the pain and despair after the words I once pierced straight into his heart. There's only a calmness left that we've never seen before - a kind of calmness that feels like it's washed away the dust of the world, like it's seen through the world, it's okay to let go, it's okay to let go. He looked at me for a long time. Then gently curled his lips. That smile was so pale that it was almost invisible, like thin sunlight penetrating through winter clouds, bringing with it a fragile warmth, but behind it was endless desolation. Then, he turned around. His body was wet, struggling and cold, he walked away step by step, his thin back gradually blending into the smoke and rain of Giang Nam. He didn't say a word. Don't turn around to look at me again. It's like I'm just a passerby who happened to meet me in the middle of life. I stood still. Until the crowd dispersed. Until it gradually gets dark. My heart is as tangled as a thread. Why is he here? What does he want to do? That smile just now... what does it mean? I don't know. I only know that the nightmare that took me ten years to escape has now returned, in a way that I completely did not foresee. It's back. Quietly, but impossible to avoid. My illness gets worse. The medicine is no longer effective. I lay paralyzed in bed all day and all night, my mind as foggy and foggy; His figure drenched in water always appeared before my eyes, standing in the middle of the lake, looking at me with wild eyes and smiling softly. That smile is like a poisoned thorn, sticking straight into the softest place in my heart. I can't pull it out, I can't swallow it, it keeps tormenting me day and night, making it impossible for me to sleep peacefully. Xuan Hoa was so impatient that she shed tears every day, and Uncle Chung's hair became noticeably grayer in just a few short days. They don't understand what's wrong with us. Only we know. Tieu Quyet is my disease. It's my demon mind. It's a life-long tribulation that we may not be able to overcome. As long as he is still in Jiangnan... As long as he is still somewhere I can reach, I will never have true peace. We must find him. We have to finish it with him once. A radical end. I propped myself up from the bed, my head was dizzy but my eyes were more alert than ever.

“Xuan Hoa.”

My voice was hoarse, like sand was cutting through my throat.

"Help me up. Change my clothes."

Xuan Hoa was both happy and scared, and quickly ran to the bed: "Miss... where do you want to go?"

“Go find him.” I replied, my voice so calm that even I felt strange. “Go dig to the root of my disease.”

The news came very quickly. Uncle Chung only took half a day to find Tieu Quyet's whereabouts. He lived in the south of the city, in the poorest neighborhood, rented a dilapidated house with drafts on all four sides, and lived by copying books and drawing fans to make money every day. Day He jumped into the lake to save people, his already weakened body completely collapsed; He had a high fever that wouldn't stop, and he was in a coma for two days. The innkeeper took pity on him and invited an old quack wandering through the street to give him a few sips of cheap herbs. Live or die... only depends on fate. When I heard Uncle Chung's report, an indescribable feeling arose in my heart. Sour. Dry and bitter. And there's also a hint of heartache that we don't even want to admit. The person who once covered the sky with one hand, turned his hand over to become clouds and turned his hand to become rain, now falls down that path again; You can even die quietly in a torn house, without anyone knowing. How wild. But also how tragic.

“Prepare the car.” I said softly. “Go to the south.”

The carriage stopped in front of a muddy alley. Deep inside, the wheel could no longer move forward. I walked down by myself. Xuan Hoa tried to help, but I gently pushed her hand away. We step by step on the slippery green stone floor, towards a rotten house that exudes a musty smell and a bitter smell of medicine. Every step is like stepping on both our past and present lives. We broke up. Has broken off. Yet in the end, I still stood in front of the door where he lay waiting to die. Maybe… this is the real end.