Chapter 18 — Contract of the Heart

Five days had passed since that evening in front of Việt Anh's house, and during those five days, the gap between the two did not narrow as Thảo Nguyên hoped, but became more and more obvious. Việt Anh still texted and still went to school as usual, but the conversations between the two became brief, superficial, completely lacking the warmth that she had become accustomed to during the past two months.

The essay writing tutoring session was also paused, with the reason Việt Anh gave was "the application has been submitted, it is no longer necessary", although both knew that the face-to-face interview with the admission committee was still ahead, and should have been practiced more carefully.

At home, Mrs. Xuân also noticed this change. "Việt Anh hasn't come to visit lately?" She asked during dinner, her eyes looking at her granddaughter who was trying to eat as normally as possible.

"He's busy studying for the semester exams, ma'am," Thảo Nguyên replied, trying to keep her voice natural, even though in her heart she felt that this little lie was heavier than the original lie about having a boyfriend.

"Yes, everyone is busy these days," Mrs. Xuân nodded, although her eyes still showed a hint of worry that she couldn't hide. "But honey, if there's anything wrong, just tell me, don't keep it to yourself."

Her kind words made Thảo Nguyên almost burst into tears right at the dinner table. She nodded, not daring to say anything more, afraid that if she opened her mouth, all the pent-up emotions over the past few days would spill out uncontrollably.

She also noticed a change in herself. She began to notice little things that she had never cared about before - the empty chair next to her during lunch, her free time in the afternoon was no longer filled with exciting tutoring sessions, her phone was silent without long text messages telling trivial stories of the day. She realized, in just a few short weeks, how much Việt Anh had become an important part of her daily life, and his sudden absence left a bigger void than she thought.

At school, Bích Vân also clearly noticed the change in her best friend's mood, constantly asking questions but only receiving vague answers. On Friday, when she saw Thảo Nguyên sitting absent-mindedly looking out the window the entire class period, not paying attention to the lecture as usual, Van decided to take action.

"Follow me," Van pulled her friend's hand out of the classroom as soon as the class ended, leading straight to the Robotics club room.

"What are you planning to do?" Thảo Nguyên asked, her voice a bit panicked.

"I can't see you sad like this another day," Van replied, her voice determined. "You need to talk to Việt Anh, face to face, not through short text messages. I'll wait outside, but you have to come inside and say everything you're thinking."

Before Thảo Nguyên could object, Van pushed her into the door of the club room, where Việt Anh was sitting alone in front of the computer, processing data for a new project. The room was quieter than usual, the other members had all gone home, leaving only the desk lamp shining down on the lines of code running on the screen and the soft sound of the computer's cooling fan. Hearing the door open, he looked up, a bit surprised to see her.

"Thảo Nguyên?" He asked, standing up from his chair.

She stood there, her heart pounding, trying to organize what she had been preparing to say in her head for the past few days, but when she was actually faced with it, all the words seemed to disappear.

"We need to talk," she finally managed, her voice shaking. "Not through text messages anymore. Việt Anh, you've been avoiding me for the past five days, and I can't stand this silence anymore."

Việt Anh was silent, his face clearly showing his inner struggle. "I'm not avoiding you," he said, though his voice wasn't entirely convincing. "I'm just trying to think things through before—"

"Before what?" Thảo Nguyên interrupted, her voice beginning to tremble with pent-up emotions. "Before deciding whether to continue or not? Việt Anh, you can't keep keeping that distance without saying clearly what you're thinking. That's more painful than hearing a straightforward refusal."

Her words made Việt Anh freeze, his eyes clearly showing confusion and pain. "I don't want to turn you down," he said, his voice choked. "But every time I think about opening up completely, the image of my dad sitting alone in the dark appears, and I'm afraid... I'm afraid that if I love you more, one day I'll lose it, and I won't be myself anymore."

"So you're going to live your whole life in fear?" Thảo Nguyên asked, tears starting to flow. "Reject every chance of happiness just because you're afraid it might end? Việt Anh, nothing in this world is guaranteed forever. Even my grandmother, the person I love the most, can't be with me forever. But that doesn't mean I stop loving her, stop cherishing every moment with her."

Việt Anh was silent, his hands clenched into fists at his sides, his whole body seemed to be fighting a fierce internal battle.

"I'm not like you," he finally said, his voice low and filled with pain. "You grew up with her complete love, even without your parents by your side. As for me, I witnessed firsthand how love broke down, witnessed the father who was once the strongest in my eyes completely collapse. That fear does not easily disappear just because of a few words of encouragement, Thảo Nguyên."

"So you think I've never been scared?" Thảo Nguyên objected, her voice also began to tremble with anger and heartache. "Every night I wonder if tomorrow my grandmother will still be healthy, if some morning I will have to face the worst scene. I also have my own fear, Việt Anh, but I choose not to let it stop me from loving the people who are important to me."

"That's the difference between you and me," Việt Anh replied, his voice choked. "You're brave enough to love despite the risks. I'm not sure if I have that courage."

"So what do you want me to do?" She asked, her voice breaking into sobs. "Waiting indefinitely, I wonder if you'll ever be ready? Or should we stop here, before we both get hurt more?"

The question burst out of her mouth while being too emotional, but as soon as she finished speaking, Thảo Nguyên felt regretful, even though she wasn't sure if she really regretted its meaning or not.

Việt Anh looked at her, silent for a long time to the point of pain, his eyes filled with a struggle that could not be expressed in words. Outside, the noise of students leaving school echoed through the open window, in stark contrast to the heavy silence inside the small room, where two people were standing facing each other, each carrying their own fear, not knowing whether the sincere feelings that had just blossomed between them were strong enough to overcome the invisible wall that the past had built.

"I don't have an answer right now," Việt Anh finally spoke, his voice hoarse with pent-up emotion. "I'm sorry, I know this isn't what you wanted to hear."

Thảo Nguyên stood silently, tears finally rolling down her cheeks, no longer trying to hold back. "Then maybe," she said, her voice shaking but determined, "I'll wait for that answer, but I can't keep standing here and pretending everything's okay in the meantime. I need time to myself, too."

She turned and walked out of the room, without waiting for his response, her hands clasped the strap of her schoolbag tightly to keep herself from trembling further. Bích Vân was standing in the hallway waiting. Just looking at her friend's face was enough to understand that the conversation just didn't go in the direction they both expected, so she quietly took her hand and led her out of the club building without asking another word.

The two of us sat on the steps behind the gym building, the place with the least traffic at this hour. Thảo Nguyên put her head on her friend's shoulder, letting her tears flow uncontrollably. Bích Vân just quietly patted her friend's back, not saying any empty words of comfort, simply being there, letting Thảo Nguyên know she didn't have to face this pain alone.

"Do you think I just said something outrageous?" Thảo Nguyên asked after a while, her voice still choked. "I asked him if we should stop, right in the middle of him trying to grapple with his own fear."

"You're just saying your true feelings," Van replied, her voice gentle. "There's nothing wrong with that. Sometimes, it's the most difficult questions that are needed for both of you to see the problem more clearly."