Chapter 3 — Dark Corner Outside the Light

"Du Van, will you come home for winter break? I want to tell you something." “Let's figure it out later.” "Okay." I didn't ask what she wanted to say. Because no matter what you want to say, you can't change anything. One weekend in November, it happened. I was having lunch in the cafeteria when the phone rang. It's a strange number. After picking up the phone, the other person introduced himself as her roommate. “Hello, are you Yu Di Huyen's sister?” "Correct." "Last night your sister had a fever of more than thirty-nine degrees. We took her to the medical room. Today she is still receiving fluids. She said she didn't want her parents to worry so she asked me to let you know." My hand holding the chopsticks stopped. “How is she now?” "I'm much better, just a slight fever. He's quite stubborn, keeps saying he's fine, but we're afraid something will happen..." "I know, thank you." Hanging up the phone, I sat in the cafeteria stunned for a while. She was sick, so she told her roommate to call me. No need to call your parents. Why? Because you don't want them to worry, or... subconsciously, do you feel it's most convenient to call me? Because having me do the work is always the least labor-intensive option. From small to large, it's all like that. Looking for Du Van to run errands, looking for things to worry about, looking for Du Van, the person who stands to resolve the consequences is also Du Van. I called you. “Du Van?” Her voice was hoarse and her nose was clearly congested. “How are you?” “It's okay, just a mild cold.” "Why did you ask your roommate to call you? You should call your mother." The other end was silent for a moment. "Mom is busy lately, dad is on a business trip. I don't want to bother them." “So why bother you?” The moment I said that sentence, I was stunned. She was also stunned. "I... didn't mean that. I just wanted to let you know, what if I..." "What if I do? I just said it was just a mild cold." “Du Van, what's wrong with you?” How? I don't know what to do either. Perhaps the things that have accumulated over the past half year have suddenly surfaced at an inopportune time. "It's okay. Rest well and drink lots of water." “Thank you.” "Yes." Hanging up, I finished the remaining half of my bowl of rice. Can't taste anything. Returning to the dormitory at night, Lam Tieu Man noticed that my expression was not okay. “What's wrong?” “My sister is sick.” “Is it serious?” “Not serious.” “Then why is your face so unsightly?” I sat by the bed, looking at my hands. "She's sick, the first person who comes to mind is not my parents but me. Because finding me is the least troublesome thing." Lam Tieu Man said nothing. A moment later, she came over and stuffed a tangerine into my hand. “Do you want to eat?” "Eat." The tangerine was very sour, so sour that the eye sockets became hot. I don't cry. Just suddenly extremely certain about one thing. Winter break, I won't come back anymore. “Du Van, have you bought a ticket to return for winter vacation?” On the day of the final exam, my mother rarely proactively called me. “Not bought yet.” "Why haven't you bought it yet? My sister booked her ticket last week, and I don't care at all." I held the phone, stood in the hallway of the lecture hall, the cold wind blew in. “Mom, I won't be home this winter break.” The other end was silent for two seconds. "What do you mean you're not coming home? Are you not coming home during Tet?" “The school has a research project, and the instructor told me to stay at school during the vacation.” There are no research projects. The instructor also never knew a first-year student like me. "What project is more important than Tet? Your sister is also home, so what will happen if the whole family reunites without you?" I pursed my lips. The whole family reunited, even without me they wouldn't recognize me. “Urgent project, related to credits.” Mom sighed, her voice carrying the most common impatience when facing me. "This child, since childhood, has been like that, never discussing anything with his family. Okay, you decide for yourself. Don't expect to remember the New Year's Eve meal anymore." Don't expect to remember anymore. Say it like I've always wanted to remember it. "Yes." “Your sister told me to ask if you need me to bring anything back from Beijing?” "No need." “Okay, then mom hung up.” The call ended. I looked at the call duration, one minute and forty-two seconds. There are thirty seconds of it talking about tickets

older sister. The campus during winter break is more than half empty. The four people in the dormitory had returned, leaving only me and an upperclassman who was studying for the graduate exam for the second time. She stayed in her room to study all day, in the dorm it was basically just me. Quiet to the point of being a bit unusual. But I like this quiet. There is no comparison, no ignoring, no disparities that leave me breathless. On New Year's Eve, the family group exploded again. Mom posted a photo of the New Year's Eve dinner with a table full of dishes. Stir-fried sweet and sour ribs, steamed sea bass, shrimp with garlic sauce, my sister's favorite cinnamon fish dish and braised pork cooked by dad. She posted a selfie raising a glass, with the words: "It feels great to be home." Dad rarely spoke up in the group: "Family reunited, happy new year." The whole family reunited. A New Year's Eve meal for four people, a selfie of three people, a dining table without me. The whole family reunited.