Chapter 4 — Dark Corner Outside the Light

I sat in my empty dorm room, in front of me was a bowl of frozen dumplings left over from the cafeteria. It has been cooked, the shell is gone, the filling has dissolved in the soup. The phone kept vibrating, messages in the group passed quickly. "Come on, take a picture of Di Huyen, I'll post it to my friends circle." "Mr. Du also came here, the family of three took a picture together." Family of three. When she said that, maybe she completely didn't realize she was counting people. Dad, mom, sister. Three people. It doesn't matter whether you accidentally said something or spoke your true thoughts. I switched my phone to silent mode and put it under my pillow. On the night of the thirtieth, a few sporadic fireworks rang out on the campus from time to time. The city in the distance was going crazy, and in the dormitory nearby there was only the sound of water coming from the pipes. Lying in bed looking at the ceiling, I thought a lot. Think about things from your childhood. On New Year's Eve when she was five years old, she stood in the living room reading poetry, relatives surrounded her and applauded. I carried a plate of dumplings out of the kitchen, tripped on the doorstep, and broke the plate. Mom yelled at me in front of everyone. At that time she was seven years old. She ran over, squatted next to me, and helped me pick up the broken pieces of the bowl. “Don't cry, don't cry, I'm here.” It was the purest kindness she had ever shown me in memory. What then? After that, her excellence became more and more dazzling, and her parents' favoritism became more and more obvious. She was placed high up, gradually getting used to everyone revolving around her. She didn't mean to ignore me. She just didn't know that people standing under the spotlight wouldn't be able to see the dark corners where the light doesn't reach. On the first day of Tet, she sent me a private message. "Happy New Year, Du Van! Are you okay at school alone? Mom cooks a lot of dishes, I really want to send them to you." I read it once and then answered with two words: "Happy." On the third day, a phone number I had never saved called. It's Auntie Three. "Du Van, your mother said you won't come home for Tet? Is there something wrong with school?" "Yes." "Oh, it's so pitiful, I'm alone outside during Tet. Your mother is really nice, why don't you send me some things?" There was sympathy in Aunt Ba's voice, but it was mostly used as a background for the sentence she was about to say. "But your sister's achievements are really good. Your mother posts it on her friends circle every day, and everyone sees it. You have to try too, don't be too far behind your sister." Don't be too far behind your sister. The distance between Zhejiang University and Tsinghua University, in Auntie Ba's mouth, turned into a distance that I needed to chase. “Thank you, Auntie Ba.” "What's so polite? I watched you grow up. That's right, last time at the university entrance celebration party, your mother asked you to help collect the money. I gave you a thousand yuan, did you receive it?" My heart stopped beating for half a beat. “What thousand yuan?” "Money for you, nothing else, lucky money to congratulate you on your university entrance exam, I personally gave it to you. Has your mother not given it back yet?" That list appeared in my head. The congratulatory money received at Du Van's table was agreed to be counted in Di Huyen's name. “Give it, Auntie Ba, I got it.” “That's good, that's good.” The call ended. One thousand yuan. Auntie Ba gave me one thousand yuan. Uncle Hai's envelope. I don't know how much money my relatives gave me. Everything is written in my mother's name. I took a deep breath and opened my phone book. Scroll to dad's name. Press and hold. Delete contact. Scroll to mother's name. Press and hold. Delete contact. Scroll to her name. The finger stopped for three seconds. In my mind, I saw the New Year's Eve when I was five years old, my sister squatting next to the broken bowl pieces, saying don't cry, don't cry, I'm here. Delete contact. Leave the family group. Close your circle of friends. All operations are seamless, without any hesitation. The phone screen returns to the main page, as clean as a white sheet of paper that has never been written on. I put the phone on the table. The hostel is very quiet. At that moment, a bunch of fireworks exploded outside the window, very large and very bright. But it wasn't fired because of me. From today, I no longer have a home. Or you could say, from today, I finally don't need to pretend that I have a family anymore. At the same time, in a house one thousand two hundred kilometers away

, mother picked up the phone and opened the family group. She wanted to mention Du Van's name and told me to look at photos of relatives who came to wish New Year on the third day. But she discovered that the group members had changed from four people to three people. She clicked on Du Van's profile picture and sent a message. The system displays a small text: "The other person has turned on friend verification mode. You are not yet the other person's friend, please send a friend request first." Mom was stunned. The teacup in his hand tilted, the tea flowing down the rim of the cup onto the table. In the living room, her father was watching TV, and she curled up on the sofa peeling a grapefruit. Mother's voice was a bit tense: "Mr. Du, Du Van blocked me." "What do you mean by blocking? Can you say it again?" Dad sat up straight from the sofa. The TV is still replaying the comedy performance of the Tet Gala. Mom gave him the phone. Dad looked at the friend verification notification for five seconds and then frowned. “Did it delete you?”