Chapter 12 — How Much Does Love Cost?

“Do you really think he turned into this purely because of me?”

“Maybe not?”

She asked back.

"Not."

I shook my head.

“What defeated him was not my revenge.”

"It's that he discovered that the love he was always proud of was actually not worth a penny."

"The nephew he loved the most, the brother he valued the most, who after he fell chose to abandon him."

“I simply exposed their true colors to you.”

“Have you ever thought about it?”

“If the person lying on the hospital bed today was me…”

“What will he do?”

My mother was dumbfounded. That question, she could not answer. Or maybe... She didn't dare answer. Because the answer… We all know it. He will be like all of them. Without hesitation, choose to give up. Just like that year... He didn't hesitate to give up on me. The hospital room fell into a long silence. There was only the sound of the heart rate monitor making a weak "beep... beep..." sound, the wave line had almost become a straight line. Three days later. Early one morning. That wave line finally completely stretched into a straight line. A long, shrill whistle sounded. My father is gone. He passed away very quietly, without any pain. My mother collapsed beside the hospital bed and cried until she fainted. And I just stood there, looking at that face that made me both fear and hate. Until the last minute... He still did not open his eyes to look at me again. I am very calm inside. There is no pleasure in revenge. There is also no pain of losing loved ones. It's like just finishing watching a very long movie. A movie that has something to do with me... Which also has nothing to do with me. That movie... The curtain has finally come to an end. My father's funeral was extremely cold. The eldest uncle's family did not come. Perhaps they feel they have no face left to show up anymore. The second uncle came, left a condolence envelope, and left after less than ten minutes. Other relatives were nowhere to be seen. Most of the people who came to pay their respects were my father's former colleagues. They looked at me and said a few words like "my condolences". I bowed my head to respond to each person, my face expressionless. My mother cried several times during the funeral. The whole person seemed to have had their soul drained out, visibly aging. After the funeral, I started packing up my father's remains. In his office, I discovered a locked drawer. I found the key and opened it. There are no valuable items inside. It's a really thick stack... of expense reports. Every single one of them is what I sent him every month in college. There is a detailed record of every amount of money I spend. A currency called Mantou. 0.5 yuan for white rice. 15 currency for extra work in the library. He wrapped them all in plastic bags, arranged them in chronological order, neatly and carefully. At the bottom, I also discovered an insurance policy. Beneficiary is my name. Insurance amount: 500,000 yuan. That was the year I started college. I held that thin but heavy piece of paper and stood in front of my desk for a long time. It's not that he doesn't love me. He just used a way that I couldn't understand or accept to love me. A type of love that is stubborn, distorted and full of self-righteousness. He thought he was polishing a block of rough jade. But he didn't know that... Every time he lowered the hammer, it made me covered in blood. He thought he was paving the way for me. But I didn't know it was my own hand that pushed me into the abyss. He wanted me to become strong and not be swayed by money. I really did it. I become strong. Even accidentally. I used the way he taught to force him into a dead end. Does this count as another type of "son succeeding his father"? I do not know. I just know… In the years-long battle between us father and son, no one won. Both lost. Lose to ruin. After handling everything in the house, I hired a caregiver for my mother. Then buy a plane ticket back to Shanghai. Before leaving, my mother held my hand. She didn't cry anymore. Just looked at me with sad eyes that couldn't help but melt away.

“Vy Vy… will you come back later?”

I looked at her white hair and haggard face. Gently shook his head.

“Mom, take good care of yourself.”

I leave. Don't turn back. After returning to Shanghai, life returned to its usual calm. I used that insurance money to pay off my mortgage. For the remainder, I used my mother's name to set up a small scholarship fund. Specializing in helping children like me back in the day... Coming from a poor background but still risking their lives to get ahead. I continue to work hard. Occasionally gather with friends. It's just those really late nights... Sometimes I still take out that insurance contract. Look at the words "To Vy" on it. Then I remembered that stubborn, extreme but also pitiful man. Maybe I will never forgive you in this life. But maybe… I can try to reconcile with myself. Reconciliation with that youth covered by hunger, thirst and humiliation. Reconcile with the helpless girl who fainted in front of the cafeteria because of low blood sugar last year. The road ahead is still very long. But this time… I will live well for myself.