Chapter 3 — How Much Does Love Cost?

My chest felt like it was being weighed down by a large rock, making it difficult to breathe. Chu Tinh and everyone helped me back to the dormitory, and even bought me a bowl of hot chicken noodles.

“Hurry up and eat, you look so skinny that I want to die.”

I looked at the bowl of noodles in front of me, tears falling uncontrollably. That was the first time I cried since I went to college. Not because of hunger. Not because of poverty. It's because of the saying "flowers in a greenhouse". In his eyes, all my struggles and suffering were just a "training" stage created by him to satisfy his own sense of accomplishment. I'm not your daughter. I'm just your test subject. During the National Day holiday, I didn't stay at school. I bought the cheapest green train ticket, sat for more than twenty hours to return to my so-called "home". I didn't notify anyone in advance. When he pulled his tired body to open the door and step in... In the living room, my father, eldest uncle and cousin To Loi were sitting on the sofa drinking tea. The TV is broadcasting the news. The table was full of expensive fruits. When my father saw me, he paused for a moment, then immediately frowned.

"Why did you come back? Didn't you say you would work part-time at school during the holidays?"

There was not a hint of joy in his voice, only questions.

“I'll go back and take a look.”

My voice is hoarse. The eldest uncle smiled conciliatoryly:

"Oh, Vy Vy just misses home. Don't be so serious, big brother."

To Loi leaned on the sofa, playing with his phone and saying:

“Sister, are you out of money so you should go back and ask for money?”

My father's face became even more unsightly.

“To Vy, have you forgotten what I said before?”

“708 yuan a month, not one more coin, not one less coin.”

“It's already unbearable even after the first month?”

I looked at him. Looking at the man I've called "Dad" for the past eighteen years.

“I'm not coming back to ask for money.”

“I just want to ask dad a question.”

“I was so hungry that I fainted at school, did you know that?”

My father picked up the cup of tea, slowly blew on the hot air and took a sip.

“The academic advisor called Dad.”

“So what?”

“Fainting only proves that you are not resilient enough.”

“Proves that dad's training is still not enough.”

His voice was calm as if talking about today's weather. At that moment, I felt my blood run cold. At that moment, To Loi took out a bunch of keys from his pocket and lazily twirled them on his fingertips. The Audi logo on the keychain reflects the light and is dazzling.

“Dad, I'm going out to play with my friends.”

To Loi told his uncle. The eldest uncle smiled fondly:

“Go go, drive slowly.”

To Loi stood up. As I passed by, I deliberately shook the set of keys in front of me.

"See? My dad just bought it for me."

"After all, I'm a boy. My father said I can't lose face when I go out."

“Unlike me, a top university student who has to figure out how not to starve every day.”

He smirked and walked out the door. I stood still, not moving. I looked at my father, then looked at my eldest uncle. On the eldest uncle's face was a look of pride that he did not bother to hide. And on my father's face... It was cold indifference. As if buying To Loi an Audi worth hundreds of thousands of yuan, and giving me only 708 yuan in living expenses each month... Are two completely unrelated things. But both are absolutely correct. My mother rushed out from the kitchen. As soon as she saw me, her eyes immediately turned red.

“Vy Vy, child Why didn't you tell your mother before coming back?"

She grabbed my hand and touched my skinny arm, feeling so hurt that she couldn't speak.

“His father and son…”

My father coldly interrupted:

“That's enough, don't cry all day long.”

He stood up, walked in front of me, looking down from above.

“To Vy, dad say it again.”

“Dad's educational methods leave no room for doubt.”

“If you feel unbearable, then quit school.”

"Our To family doesn't raise trash, even this bit of suffering is unbearable."

Having finished speaking, he turned and returned to his office. The door slammed shut. In the living room, there were only me, my mother, and my eldest uncle, all with excited expressions on their faces. The eldest uncle coughed once then stood up.

“Well… Vy Vy, my eldest brother just wants the best for you.”

“You must understand your father's suffering.”

“Okay, I'll go home first, you two can talk.”

He also left. My mother held my hand tightly, tears falling.

“Vy Vy, stop listening to your father's nonsense. Come, mom will cook for you."

She wanted to drag me into the kitchen. But I gently withdrew my hand.

“Mom, I won't eat.”

I said softly.

“I'm going back to school.”

At that moment, something in my heart completely broke. Maybe that thing is called friendship. Can also be called home. I didn't dare look at my mother again, so I turned around and walked out that door. I'm afraid that if I stay just one second longer... I won't be able to hold myself back and do something irreversible. I walked along the street in the residential area. The sun outside is beautiful. A brand new Audi A4 rushed past me. To Loi rolled down the car window, gave me the middle finger, then stepped on the gas and drove straight toward the end of the road. I stood still for a long time. Then suddenly burst into laughter. I said to myself:

“To Vy, from today onwards…”

“You don't have a home anymore.”

“You only have yourself left.”

“You have to keep living.”

“Not just living.”

“But we also have to live well.”

Back in Shanghai, I canceled my train ticket home. There's only more than 300 yuan left in hand. I used that money to last for half a month. Only eat two meals a day, two mantau each meal. After the National Day holiday, the academic advisor called me to the office.

“To Vy, your scholarship has been approved, 3,000 yuan.”

“And also, the cafeteria manager heard your story and wanted to introduce you to a part-time job in the kitchen. Includes two meals.”

I held the approval paper, my hands shaking.

“Thank you, teacher.”

“No need to thank me.” The teacher patted my shoulder. “It's because you're good.”

“My achievement is the best in the entire class.”

That night, I stood in the public phone booth under the dormitory and called my mother.

“Mom, I received a scholarship.”

“After this… you don't need to send me money anymore.”

On the other end of the phone, mother burst into tears without a sound.

"Vy Vy... it's my fault for you..."

“It has nothing to do with mom.”

I interrupted her.

“Mom, take good care of yourself.”

Having finished speaking, I hung up the phone. Since then, I never proactively called that house again. My life is divided into countless hours with mechanical precision. Wake up at six in the morning, go to the canteen kitchen to help in exchange for breakfast. Morning class. At noon, eat at the canteen and then go to the library. In the afternoon, continue studying. Working in the library in the evening, making arrangements book. At ten o'clock the library closed, I went back to work as a tutor. Teaching math to a middle school student, 100 yuan per hour. By the time we return to the dormitory, it's usually past midnight.