Chapter 2 — How Much Does Love Cost?

In September, I dragged a suitcase and sat on a hard chair for more than twenty hours to Shanghai. The bustling city, the skyscrapers, everything is completely different from the small town where I grew up. The school is very large and very beautiful. During the opening ceremony, the academic advisor said this is a completely new beginning, where dreams take off. My dream… Drowned in the first week, on the cafeteria price list. For breakfast, a bun costs 2 yuan, a bowl of porridge costs 1.5 yuan. For lunch, the cheapest vegetarian meal is 8 yuan. There's an extra bit of minced meat for 12 yuan. In the evening, if you want to eat a simple bowl of noodles, it costs at least 10 yuan. In the most economical way, it costs more than 20 yuan per day. A month's food alone costs six or seven hundred yuan. Except for food, the remaining amount is not enough for me to buy a package of washing powder. Not to mention the cost of textbooks, classes, and occasional group activities. Before I left, my father transferred me exactly 708 yuan.

“Remember, every penny must be spent in the right place.”

“At the end of the month, give me an expense report, I will check.”

I don't answer. On the first day of school, the girls in the dorm introduced themselves to each other, then discussed going out for a delicious meal to get acquainted. The head of the department is a Beijing girl named Chu Tinh, with a very lively personality.

"To Vy, let's go. The local food restaurant next to the school sounds delicious."

I squeezed the 200 yuan my mother secretly stuffed into my pocket. That's all the money that saved my life.

“I… am a little tired, want to rest in my room.”

The three of them disappeared. I sat alone in the dormitory, chewing dry bread brought from home. In the evening, they returned, chatted about which dishes were delicious, and even brought me a portion of braised meat.

“Try To Vy, that restaurant's signature dish.”

I looked at the oily braised meat in the lunch box and said thank you in a low voice. But I don't eat. I saved it until noon the next day and ate it with a 0.5 yuan white rice meal at the cafeteria as lunch. I started calculating every penny. I applied for a hardship student aid, but it takes time to process. I found a part-time job in the library, sorting books, 15 yuan an hour, but could only work ten hours a week maximum. I completely stopped eating junk food, didn't drink soft drinks, and didn't buy new clothes. Every day revolves around only three places: classroom, library, canteen. Chu Tinh and others sometimes find it strange.

“To Vy, why don't you ever eat with us?”

"To Vy, are you going to the movies this weekend? There's a new blockbuster coming out."

“To Vy, why do you wear this shirt every day?”

I can only come up with enough excuses to avoid it.

“I'm not hungry.”

“I'm not interested in movies.”

“I like this shirt.”

Gradually, they stopped calling me. I became a lonely island in the dormitory. I called my mother once.

“Mom, I don't have enough money.”

The other end of the line was silent for a long time, then mother lowered her voice:

“Vy Vy, I'll secretly send you another 500 yuan, don't let your father know.”

"Your father has been showing off his educational methods to others every day, saying he wants to train you to be a strange girl who won't be swayed by money."

"Uncle came to my house every day to learn, and said he would use that method to teach To Loi in the future."

Hearing that, my heart turned cold.

“Mom, stop it.”

I hung up. I don't want to cause more trouble for my mother again. In that family, she had no right to speak up. At the end of September, the weather starts to get cold. My classmates all changed into fall clothes. Only I was still wearing a short-sleeved shirt, wearing an old shirt from high school on top. That afternoon, I was so hungry that I felt dizzy. Because of a miscalculation, my rice card only had 1.2 yuan left. There are three more days until my father transfers money next month. There's still a week left before overtime pay is distributed. I sat in the library, the words on the books began to dance before my eyes, turning into all kinds of food. I felt like a fire was burning in my stomach. I drank a lot of free hot water, but it only made my stomach more tense and uncomfortable. The last class of the afternoon, I sat in class and the world was spinning. I couldn't hear a word of what the lecturer standing on the podium said. There was only a buzzing sound in my ears. The school bell rang. I stood up with my hands on the table, intending to go down to the cafeteria to see if I could owe a meal. As soon as I stepped out of the lecture hall, a cold wind blew. It was dark before my eyes. I don't know anything anymore. When I woke up, I was lying in the school's medical room. The strong smell of antiseptic penetrates into the nasal cavity. Chu Tinh and two other roommates were standing next to him, their faces full of worry.

“To Vy, you're awake!”

“You scared us to death, suddenly falling straight right in front of the cafeteria door.”

A doctor stepped forward, pushing up his glasses.

“I have hypoglycemia and malnutrition.”

“You haven't been eating properly lately, have you?”

My lips moved slightly, but I couldn't say a word. Chu Tinh answered for me:

“Doctor, his appetite doesn't seem to be very good lately.”

The doctor gave me a bottle of glucose and told me to drink it all. The harsh sweet liquid flowed down my throat, I felt like a piece of dry, cracked ground, finally receiving some rainwater. The academic advisor also came. He asked me a few questions, then looked at my application for a difficult student aid.

"To Vy, I already understand your situation. The allowance will probably be approved next week."

"I also called your father. He... told you to rest well."

My heart sank slightly.

“My dad… what else did he say?”

The teacher's expression was a bit strange, as if he was considering how to use words.

“He said… this fainting can be considered a training session.”

“He said flowers in a greenhouse cannot stand the wind and rain.”

I closed my eyes.