Chapter 2 — Paper Kite, Mirror Dream

My palms were slick with sweat, and the handkerchief in my grip had been crumpled beyond recognition. Nurse Tu's parting words echoed relentlessly inside my head:

The Crown Prince is blessed with peerless intelligence and a benevolent heart; one day, he will undoubtedly become an enlightened ruler. It is merely a pity that his heart is solely set on taking monastic vows. If someone could manage to keep the Crown Prince here in the mortal world, it would be the greatest fortune for our state and all its people.

Then, I recalled my father's habitual teachings: To serve as a subject is to be loyal to the monarch and patriotic to the country, to share in the sovereign's worries and to place the common people above all else.

And finally, came the teasing voice of Pei Qing: Shen Auning, do you truly wish to be married off so badly? Must you insist on marrying me?

My heart hammered violently against my ribs, and for reasons unknown, an unprecedented surge of courage welled up within my chest. I looked directly at Pei Xuan, summoned every ounce of my bravery, and spoke in a clear, ringing voice:

This subject's daughter is willing!

This subject's daughter wishes to marry Your Highness the Crown Prince, to stay by your side for the rest of my life!

A heavy silence immediately descended upon the hall, broken only by the Empress's gentle, delighted laughter.

Lady Shen truly is a straightforward and honest person. Since you possess such resolute determination, this palace is exceedingly pleased.

She turned her gaze toward Pei Xuan. Xuan'er, Lady Shen has spoken from the bottom of her heart. Are you still entirely unmoved?

Pei Xuan used his sleeve to casually wipe away the puddle of spilled tea, his expression remaining as serene and detached as ever.

Very well.

Her Majesty will not force you any further. Since we still have half a year, you shall follow the will of heaven and try spending some time in Lady Shen's company... If, after all that, you still stubbornly refuse to change your mind, then should this mother understand that... you are afraid? You are terrified that your spiritual foundation is not steadfast enough, and that you will be swayed by Lady Shen.

Pei Xuan fell into a prolonged silence. He slowly turned the prayer beads round and round between his fingers, before finally speaking with a hint of helplessness.

Mother need not resort to reverse psychology. This son agrees. I only hope that half a year from now, if my original intentions remain unchanged, Mother will no longer try to stand in my way.

Watching the retreating figure of Pei Xuan as he departed, Nurse Tu could not help but ask with deep anxiety: Your Majesty, can Lady Shen truly cause the Crown Prince to change his mind?

The Empress smiled with absolute confidence. Xuan'er has never once voluntarily sought the company of any woman. The moment the child appeared today, he recognized her instantly as Lady Shen. How could he possibly remember her simply from a few chance encounters in their childhood? Shen Auning possesses a nature that is innocent, upright, and utterly sincere. She is precisely the kind of person whom Xuan'er finds hardest to resist.

Nurse Tu hesitated before speaking. But Lady Shen and the Third Prince have always been exceptionally close; I fear there may be no room in her heart for the Crown Prince. What if His Highness the Crown Prince is hurt by this and, as a result, becomes even more resolute in his desire to leave the mortal world?

The Empress gently shook her head. The person residing in Pei Qing's heart is not necessarily Shen Auning. Affection can always be cultivated over time, and this palace shall create ample opportunities for the two of them to spend time together. If, in the end, it still comes to nothing... then we shall simply have to submit to the will of heaven.

Pei Xuan escorted me all the way to the palace gates. Because of the bold declarations I had just made, I kept my head lowered for the entire journey, not daring to cast even a single glance in his direction. When the time finally came to part ways, I murmured in a soft voice:

Your Highness the Crown Prince, please stop here. This subject's daughter takes her leave.

Pei Xuan's tone remained utterly level, devoid of any discernible emotion. Lady Shen, you need not take to heart the words Her Majesty uttered. Whether or not I take monastic vows is entirely my own decision, and has nothing to do with anyone else.

I bit my lower lip, ultimately unable to hold back the words hovering on my tip: I once went to the Temple of Generals to offer incense. That place is cold and desolate; aside from chanting scriptures, there is only the striking of wooden fish, making it dreadfully boring. Furthermore... Your Highness's hair is so exceptionally handsome. If it were all shaved off, what a terrible pity that would be.

I stared intently at Pei Xuan, trying to visualize what he would look like completely bald, and the mere thought of it filled me with dismay. The corners of his lips twitched faintly, and his voice seemed to shed a fraction of its chilling indifference.

All the trivial amusements of the mortal realm are merely external possessions. Even the fairest beauty turns to withered bones in the span of a single breath. As long as one's heart is directed toward what it truly desires, contentment will naturally follow.

I pretended that I understood completely and nodded repeatedly. Yes, yes, what Your Highness says makes perfect sense.

Emerging from the imperial palace, my eldest sister was already waiting beside the carriage. Pei Qing stood right next to her, engaged in pleasant conversation. Completely unlike the carefree, lazy demeanor he always wore around me, he stood now with his back straight, a gentle and warm smile gracing his lips. Pei Qing's birth mother and my own mother were old acquaintances, which was why she frequently brought my sister and me into the palace. My elder sister was two years our senior, possessing a calm and composed disposition, and she always preferred to sit quietly watching Pei Qing and me bicker and play. When we were young, Pei Qing would often use furry caterpillars to scare me until I burst into tears, yet he never once tried to frighten my elder sister. He would even carefully shoo away all the ants crawling near the spot where she stood.

There was once a time when he acquired a piece of exquisite jade pendant. It was precisely the trinket I had laid eyes upon just a few days prior in the hands of the Crown Prince's personal guard, at which point I had gazed at it with undisguised envy and told Pei Qing: Carved with such intricate precision, taking it apart to play with must be immensely fun.

To my utter astonishment, he actually went out of his way to obtain it for me. I happily reached out my hands to take it, never expecting that he would lift the trinket high above his head, keeping it completely out of my reach. He laughed teasingly: Shen Auning, I never said I was giving this to you, why are you being so unceremoniously bold?

I pouted angrily: I am the only one who told you I liked it. If you aren't giving it to me, then who else could you possibly give it to?

Pei Qing immediately denied it with a smirk: Would it not be fine if I presented it to Wanha elder sister? Wanha elder sister, do you like this? I shall give it to you.

My elder sister, who held no interest whatsoever in the jade trinket, merely smiled and shook her head, standing silently by as she watched the two of us wrangle. I was so preoccupied with standing on tiptoe to snatch the object from Pei Qing's grasp that I completely missed the fleeting look of disappointment that flashed across his eyes. After letting me chase him around in circles until my cheeks were puffed out with fury, he finally decided to stop and handed the pendant over to me.

Shen Auning, no one else goes about snatching other people's belongings quite like you. The moment you fail to grab it, you fly into a rage. With a willful and overbearing temper like yours, let us see who would ever dare to marry you in the future.

Even though I had finally secured the treasure I desired, I no longer felt the exhilarating joy I had felt at the beginning. Pei Qing always delighted in teasing me; the more desperately I wanted something, the more stubbornly he would withhold it.