Chapter 8 — Paper Kite, Mirror Dream

With cold detachment, I offered only a brief response.

"Pei Qing."

"I have made myself abundantly clear."

"As for the matter of marriage, never speak of it again."

He stared at me with unblinking eyes.

"Are you truly determined to become the Crown Princess, completely disregarding the deep affection we have shared since childhood?"

I shook my head.

"This has nothing to do with that."

"Through every single barbed remark, every instance of mockery you have directed at me..."

"Whatever lingering fondness I once held for you has been thoroughly worn away."

"I no longer wish to marry you."

Pei Qing's expression darkened into a brooding shadow. He gazed at me in silence for a long, heavy moment. Then, slowly, he slipped back into his familiar guise, offering a coaxing, easy smile.

"Very well. Have it your way."

"If you refuse to marry, so be it."

"There is no shortage of maidens weeping and clawing at one another for the chance to be my bride."

"Do not come crying to me with regrets when that day arrives."

His eyes dropped to my slightly parched lips.

"Your lips are dry."

"Let me pour you a cup of tea."

Pei Qing slid a porcelain cup across the table toward me, his voice smooth and reassuring.

"Shen Youning."

"Drink this cup of tea poured by my hand..."

"...and consider it your way of forgiving me."

"I promise never to speak of marriage again."

My only desire was to be rid of him. Without a second thought, I lifted the cup and drained it to the bottom.

"I have finished it."

"Now, take your leave."

"I am fatigued and wish to rest for a while."

The corners of Pei Qing's mouth slowly curled upward into a sinister smile. Not only did he refuse to leave, but he also seated himself upon the edge of the bed, reaching out to grasp my chin in a bruising grip. The proximity between us was thoroughly improper. I tried to shove him away... but suddenly, my entire body melted into a boneless heap, stripped of all strength. A blistering heat surged through my veins like liquid fire, and my mind began to spin into a dizzy haze.

"Shen Youning."

"Come here."

"Hold me, and the torment will cease."

Terror and fury warred within me.

"Pei Qing... what have you done to me?"

His gaze burned with a frantic, unhinged madness.

"Shen Youning."

"You forced my hand."

"You belong to me."

"How could I ever allow you to slip through my fingers?"

"Be a good girl..."

Tears streamed uncontrollably down my cheeks. No matter how desperately I thrashed and twisted, I could not break free from Pei Qing's iron grip. Just as absolute despair threatened to swallow me whole, the chamber door was violently kicked open. Pei Qing was violently yanked backward. Amidst a flurry of heavy, brutal thuds—the sound of fists connecting flesh and bone—I heard the breathless, frantic voice of Pei Xuan.

"Shen Youning."

"Shen Youning."

"Are you unharmed?"

His hands were as smooth and flawless as the finest mutton-fat jade. Cool. Soft. Their touch against my fevered skin brought an exquisite, soothing relief. I craved more of it. Abandoning all lingering shreds of restraint, I threw myself directly against him. When Pei Xuan gently pushed me back, I immediately burst into weeping tears. Sensing my distress, his grip softened. Seizing that fleeting opportunity, I shoved Pei Xuan down beneath me, frantically fumbling at his robes. I needed only to bare a fraction more of his skin... anything to quench the unbearable fire consuming me. Pei Xuan was remarkably docile. His hands merely hovered loosely around my waist, yielding entirely to whatever wild impulses seized me, punctuated only by a few strangled, heavily repressed groans. Yet... he carried a dagger at his belt, and the hilt pressed uncomfortably against my stomach. I struggled to pull it free... but try as I might, it refused to budge.

When consciousness finally clawed its way back, I found myself lying neatly tucked beneath the blankets. In the lingering haze of sleep, I half-believed the preceding night's events had been nothing more than a fever dream. Otherwise, how could Pei Xuan—a Crown Prince known for his ascetic purity and ethereal detachment—ever have fallen captive beneath my weight? His garments were in absolute disarray, collars gaping wide, hair wildly disheveled, and eyes rimmed with a deep, furious crimson. He had endured with such agonizing restraint that the veins upon his forehead throbbing visibly. His lips were remarkably soft, yet pressed together in a stubborn, unyielding line. Whenever they parted, they inevitably left a mark. I instinctively reached up to touch the corner of my own mouth.

"Hush..."

The sting of pain was sharp. It was no dream! Good heavens, I had truly defiled His Royal Highness the Crown Prince.

The following morning... I mustered every ounce of courage I possessed and sought out Pei Xuan. He sat before his desk, copying Buddhist scriptures, though the brush in his hand had remained suspended above the paper for an eternity. I called out to him in a trembling whisper.

"Your Highness."

"About yesterday... please accept my deepest apologies."

"Your humble servant had no intention of showing disrespect to Your Highness."

"Nor do I understand why such a thing came to pass..."

Pei Xuan's brush hand gave a violent tremor. He hastily pulled a fresh sheet of parchment over the ruined characters. Clearing his throat softly, he spoke.

"Think nothing of it."

"It was my own negligence; I failed to look after you properly."

"As long as you are safe and sound, that is all that matters."

"However..."

"This matter must never reach the ears of outsiders."

"If word were to spread, it would gravely compromise your reputation."

"Yes, yes."

"Your servant understands."

An awkward silence settled over the room, leaving me stranded in a sea of mortification without a single word to offer. Noticing that Pei Xuan refused to lift his gaze, I cast a sidelong glance at his handwriting. He possessed an unwavering devotion to the Buddhist path. Day after day, he transcribed the sacred texts without ever betraying a hint of weariness. A faint scent of sandalwood perpetually clung to him, as though he belonged to some distant realm far removed from the dust and clamor of the mortal world. The quiet musings within my heart began to shift. If he relinquished the title of Crown Prince, another would simply step into his place. Should the Emperor sire another imperial prince, it was not beyond the realm of possibility. But... there was only one Pei Xuan. And the destiny he truly desired was singular. Much as he had once professed:

"Where the heart finds its true direction, joy naturally follows."

If Pei Xuan truly yearned to take monastic vows... then aiding him in fulfilling that sacred wish was the kindest service I could render. As long as it was what his soul desired, whether he wore the robes of a monk or the crown of a prince mattered not at all. In time, he might well ascend as an enlightened master. To attain Buddhahood. To walk among the immortals. At that thought, a quiet smile bloomed unbidden upon my lips.

"Your Highness."

"Your servant fully supports your decision to take holy orders."

"When the time comes, I shall journey to the Xiangguo Temple to pay my respects."

Pei Xuan halted his movements, finally raising his head to look at me. His lips... slowly compressed into a rigid, unwavering line.

I returned to my estate, ceasing all attempts to pester Pei Xuan. Even when the Empress summoned me to the palace, I invariably feigned illness to decline. Nor did I ever cross paths with Pei Qing again. Word reached me eventually that, having committed grave offenses, he had been banished to a desolate post far from civilization, with little hope of ever returning to the capital. Counting the days, the half-year deadline was rapidly approaching. Pei Xuan had remained steadfast in his original resolve. The Empress, her resistance finally broken, could no longer obstruct his path to the monastery. They awaited only the selection of an auspicious date for him to cast aside the crown and depart for the Xiangguo Temple to embrace a life of monastic devotion.