Chapter 1 — The One Who Once Was My Light

On the final day when the list of students granted direct admission was officially announced, I discovered that Lu Nghien, my childhood sweetheart, had traded my recommendation for Nguyen Tich Nguyet. When I finally tracked him down, he was leaning casually against the side of his car, brushing the ash from his cigarette with an air of absolute indifference.

Tich Nguyet comes from a difficult background, he said, exhaling a thin cloud of smoke. If she doesn't secure direct admission, she will be forced to drop out and marry. Your grades are exceptional; you can easily pass the elite university entrance exams on your own merit.

Seeing my face turn ashen as I stood there in dead silence, he frowned, reached into his wallet, and pulled out a bank card, holding it out toward me. At worst, I will cover all four years of your college tuition. Consider this me buying your recommendation slot, is that acceptable?

I stared at the card in his extended hand for a very long time. It turned out that the direct admission spot I had traded half my life to earn was, in his eyes, nothing more than a charity case for which he could casually name his price. I refused to take the card and turned on my heel to walk away. Heavy rain began to pour from the sky above. Lu Nghien voice immediately dropped into a frosty register from behind me.

What kind of madness are you throwing here? Didn't you always pick through scrap metal and waste at the auto repair shop just for money anyway? I have already given you money, what are you still pretending to be so noble for?

My footsteps abruptly halted. I turned my head, gazing at his features blurred behind the curtain of falling rain. The affection I had cherished like a priceless treasure for over a decade had rotted completely away in this exact moment. So, I simply smiled.

Fine, think whatever you wish.

As soon as I returned to the repair shop, my best friend phone call came through.

Ninh Ninh, have you looked at the list? Why is it Nguyen Tich Nguyet name instead? Did Lu Nghien pull some strings behind your back?

Hearing Phuong Ky anxious voice, I offered a bitter, hollow laugh.

I already found him.

What did he say?

He said he already bought the spot.

A heavy silence settled over the other end of the line. After a long moment, Phuong Ky ground out her words.

That bastard is completely despicable!

I remained silent.

What are you doing right now? she asked.

Fixing a car.

Stop fixing things! Go make a scene at the Department of Education right now! That slot was rightfully yours! Have you forgotten how much suffering you endured just to earn that direct admission?

I shook my head and continued with my work.

It is useless.

Why would it be useless? This is a national policy!

If the Lu family could swap it out once, they can certainly swap it out a second time.

Another stretch of silence followed. Finally, Phuong Ky spoke again.

I saw that Nguyen Tich Nguyet posted it on her social media feed. Lu Nghien booked the most expensive Western restaurant in the entire city to celebrate for her.

Mm.

You...

I am hanging up now, a customer just arrived.

I disconnected the call. A customer drove his vehicle right up to the shop entrance. I walked out to inspect his tires.

The following day, I went to the school to handle administrative procedures and prepare for the upcoming national college entrance examinations. In the hallway, I ran into Lu Nghien and Nguyen Tich Nguyet. Nguyen Tich Nguyet was clinging to Lu Nghien arm, and the moment she caught sight of me, she hurriedly scurried behind his back.

A Nghien, I am scared.

Lu Nghien blocked my path, his brow furrowing deeply.

Tham Ninh, stop trying to frighten her.

I stepped around him to continue on my way. He immediately reached out and grabbed my wrist.

What is with that attitude of yours? Tich Nguyet did nothing wrong to you, she had no other choice either! Do you absolutely have to make everyone uncomfortable?

I aggressively shook his hand off.

Get out of my way.

My tone was entirely devoid of warmth, causing the other students in the hallway to turn and stare. Tears welled up in Nguyen Tich Nguyet eyes.

Sister Tham Ninh, I am sorry, I did not mean to do this. If you are still angry, you can just hit me.

With that, she stepped forward toward me, assuming a posture as if resigning herself to whatever punishment I saw fit. Lu Nghien instantly pulled her back into his embrace, glaring daggers at me.

Look at what you have turned her into! Tham Ninh, why did I never realize how vicious your heart truly is before?

Whispers began to ripple through the surrounding crowd.

Is that her? The girl from the auto repair shop.

I heard she was supposed to get the direct admission, but Nguyen Tich Nguyet stole the spot from her.

Serves her right, looking at that icy face of hers like a block of stone, who could ever possibly like her?

Nguyen Tich Nguyet is much more lovable anyway. If I were Lu Nghien, I would have helped Nguyen Tich Nguyet too.

I paid no heed to their chatter, keeping my gaze fixed squarely on Lu Nghien.

I will say this one more time, get out of my way.

He did not budge an inch; instead, he reached out and gave me a harsh shove.

Today, you are going to apologize to Tich Nguyet!

I lost my footing, stumbled backward two steps, and crashed hard against the wall. A sharp pain flared across my lower back. I raised my head to look at him. Lu Nghien looked back down at me, his eyes completely devoid of warmth. We had grown up together since we were children. When he was twelve years old, his family had banished him down from the capital to this small town. On his very first day, he got into a street fight. It was I who picked up a heavy wrench and helped him scare away that gang of local thugs. From that day on, he became my constant shadow. Even though he often despised the fact that I was always stained with grease and oil, whenever other kids bullied me and I could not hear them coming, he would still charge blindly into the fray and beat them black and blue. He used to tell me:

Tham Ninh, from now on I will protect you.

Tham Ninh, even though one of your ears cannot hear, I will be your other ear from now on.

Once we pass our university exams, we are going to leave this wretched place far behind.

Now, because of another girl, he had shoved me aside. Nguyen Tich Nguyet buried her face in his chest and wept even louder.

A Nghien, let it go, let us just leave, it is all my fault.

Lu Nghien patted her back, his voice softening instantly.

It has nothing to do with you.

He cast one final, razor-sharp glance in my direction, his eyes pregnant with warning. Then, he wrapped his arms around Nguyen Tich Nguyet and walked away. I stood motionless for a brief moment before straightening my spine and continuing down the hall. On my way to the administrative office, I saw the bulletin board displaying the photographs of the students granted direct admission. Nguyen Tich Nguyet picture occupied the very center. Below her photo, the official justification for her admission was proudly displayed: exemplary character and academics, impoverished background, striving through adversity. The corners of my mouth curled upward. The memory of the day I returned to the repair shop from back then remained vivid before my eyes. My father had reeked of cheap alcohol, thrusting his hand out toward me.

Where is the money?

I ignored him entirely. He grabbed a handful of my hair and slammed my head directly against the wall.

I am asking you a question, you little bitch! Are you deaf now too?

My right ear could not hear a thing, while my left ear buzzed violently from his roaring.

I have no money.

No money? I heard that the boy from the Lu family is loaded! You are so close to him, what is so hard about begging him for some cash?

He struck me hard across the face.

Did you hide the money somewhere? You dare try to trick me!

He began searching frantically through my pockets and clothes. I pushed him away. That only enraged him further, and he delivered a brutal kick straight to my stomach.

You are rebelling now!

I curled into a tight ball on the cold floor, feeling as though my internal organs had been twisted into knots. He continued screaming abuse.

What use is raising a worthless piece of trash like you? You are just like your dead mother! Both of you are just cheap, worthless bones!

Just as my father raised a heavy iron pipe to smash down upon me, Lu Nghien came sprinting into the room. He kicked my father backward, pulled me up from the dirt, and frantically checked my body for injuries.

Where did he hit you?

I shook my head. He stripped off his own jacket and draped it gently around my shoulders.

Do not be afraid, I am here.

That night, he did not leave, sleeping on the tattered sofa inside the repair shop for the entire night. The following morning, he brought authorities to take my father away to the police station. He told me:

Tham Ninh, I will take care of you from now on.

Back then, I truly believed he would be my lifelong refuge. It turned out that the very thing called a refuge could vanish in a heartbeat.

During our final mock exams prior to the college entrance tests, I ranked first in the entire school. Lu Nghien nearly hit the bottom of the rankings. He crumpled his score sheet into a tight ball and tossed it straight into the trash can.

I do not need to take the college entrance exams anyway.

As he uttered those words, Nguyen Tich Nguyet stood right beside him, gazing up at him with eyes full of utter adoration.

A Nghien, you are so brilliant.

Lu Nghien chuckled, gently pinching her cheek.

Of course! I just need to head home and inherit the family empire.

I walked right past the two of them, but Lu Nghien called out to stop me.

Tham Ninh.

I came to a halt.

Are you still holding a grudge about the direct admission?

I remained mute.

I know you feel wronged, but you have seen Tich Nguyet situation yourself, she needed that opportunity far more than you do.

He walked up until he was standing directly in front of me, his voice dropping to a softer register.

Keep that card; the password is your birthday. If you need anything once you start university, just tell me.

He genuinely believed that money could solve every problem. That it could erase my grievances and compensate for the opportunity stolen from me.

I do not want it, I replied coldly.

Here you go again, he sighed, his voice growing impatient. When will you ever put down that ridiculous, worthless pride of yours? How much money do you even make working a whole month at that repair shop? What I am offering you is a sum you could never earn in your entire lifetime.

Nguyen Tich Nguyet stepped forward, lightly tugging at the hem of his shirt.

A Nghien, do not speak to Sister Tham Ninh like that. She is just... she is just not used to it yet.

She looked at me, her eyes shimmering with a patronizing pity.

Sister Tham Ninh, I know you hate me. But I truly had nowhere else left to turn. My stepfather... he is genuinely not a human being.

With that, the corners of her eyes flushed red once more. I stood watching her theatrical performance. Throughout this entire senior year, I had witnessed it far too many times. She forever played the role of the victim in front of Lu Nghien, while I remained eternally cast as the villain.

A Nghien already promised that he will make it up to you later. You can ask us for whatever you want.

She made her declaration as if she were already the mistress of the house. The corners of my mouth twitched into a smile, and finally, I laughed. It was the first time I had laughed in days. Lu Nghien stared at me in stunned confusion.

What are you laughing at?

I am laughing at the two adulterous fools that you are, perfectly matched for one another, destined to stay together for eternity.

With those words, I turned and walked away. Lu Nghien shouted at my back:

Tham Ninh! You stop right there!

I did not look back. That very evening, Phuong Ky sent me a photograph. In the picture, Lu Nghien and Nguyen Tich Nguyet were inside a karaoke lounge. Lu Nghien held a microphone singing, while Nguyen Tich Nguyet leaned into his chest, smiling with radiant happiness. In the background, their classmates held up a large celebratory banner. The banner read: Congratulations to Nguyen Tich Nguyet on her direct admission, and wishing Lu Nghien and Nguyen Tich Nguyet eternal love. Phuong Ky text read:

Ninh Ninh, stop looking at this, it is not worth your time.

I switched off my phone and tossed it aside, picked up the study workbook resting on my desk, and dove into solving problems, one question after another. Only when thoroughly submerged in an ocean of equations could I banish those trivial thoughts from my mind.

One week before the national college entrance examinations, the school granted us leave to study at home.