Chapter 3 — The Seat Not Meant for Me

People only see what they want to see, choosing to believe solely in their own preconceived notions. After scrolling through all those messages from beginning to end, not a single one inquired whether I was living well, if I was facing any hardships, or if I had arrived safely and smoothly at my new academic home. Every single line was filled with interrogation, dissatisfaction, and blame. In that exact moment, all desire to explain or justify myself vanished entirely from my heart, leaving behind nothing but a profound, absolute numbness. From that day onward, I utilized every spare moment and every weekend to go out and take on part-time jobs. Handing out flyers, helping out in the cafeteria, organizing books in the library—as long as it was a small task that could earn me something, I would do it. My life became exhausting and overwhelmingly busy, leaving no time for self-pity or sorrow, yet it was tangible and secure. At the very least, every single fruit of my labor belonged entirely to me. I did not have to look at anyone else's displeasure, nor did I need to humble myself to please anyone.

However, the prolonged anxiety, relentless pressure, irregular meals, and suppressed emotions took a severe toll on my stomach. I began suffering from frequent stomachaches late at night, pain so sharp it would cause me to curl up tightly in bed, unable to sleep. I had foolishly believed I could simply endure this quiet suffering indefinitely, until that very evening when I logged into my WeChat and saw a sudden flurry of messages from my older brother.

"Man, what on earth are you doing? Why do you keep ignoring your phone? Tiao has acute gastroenterology, and she had to be rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night!"

"What kind of older sister are you? You attend the same university, yet you don't even know how to look after your younger sister? Get yourself to the First City Hospital immediately!"

The moment my eyes scanned those words, panic washed over me. No matter how blatant my family's favoritism was, no matter how deeply they had wounded me, Tiao was still my younger sister who had grown up alongside me, sharing the very same bloodline. The bond of kinship was carved deep into my bones; I could neither stand by with icy indifference nor simply abandon her to her fate. Without time for hesitation, I hurriedly changed my clothes and ran like mad out onto the street to flag down a taxi to the hospital.

The lights inside the hospital ward were an agonizing, stark white. Tiao lay upon the bed, her eyes closed weakly as an IV drip delivered fluids into her veins. Her complexion was ashen and haggard, making her look desperately fragile. The instant I stepped foot into the room, my entire family swarmed around me in unison.

My mother was the first to speak, her voice brimming with a fiery anger and accusation she made no effort to restrain.

"What is wrong with you? How can you call yourself an older sister and show not an ounce of concern for your sister? Tiao fell ill at school and you had no idea whatsoever? Residing on the very same campus, how could you be so cold-blooded?"

My father immediately chimed in with harsh interrogations, every single word condemning me for failing my basic duties, branding me as heartless. A crushing weight pressed down upon my chest, and my hands clenched into tight fists.

"You were the ones who told me not to get close to her in the first place! You said I shouldn't interfere with her making friends, that I shouldn't show my face around her, that I had to keep my distance..."

Before I could finish, my brother interrupted me with a loud, crude roar.

"Stop making excuses! You are the older sister, and taking care of your younger sibling is your fundamental duty! Don't you dare use those words as a cop-out!"

The grievances that had accumulated over a full month utterly shattered at this exact juncture. All my endurance collapsed in an instant; my eyes grew bloodshot, and for the very first time, I lost control and snapped back at them.

"But none of you have ever cared whether I am surviving or not! Do you have any idea what I've had to endure this past month? My stomach aches every single night, I haven't had a proper night's sleep, and every day is pure agony—did any of you even know that?"

My parents froze for a fleeting second.

"If you don't speak up, how are we supposed to know? You've never liked talking since you were a child, just keeping your mouth shut all the time—what did you expect us to do?"

Those words completely pulverized the final fragile defense left within me. I raised my head to look straight at them, my voice trembling slightly, yet every single word was crystal clear and resonated with fierce strength.

"I don't like talking, whereas Tiao loves to chat. So I suppose only Tiao is worthy of being your daughter, while I am nothing at all, is that it?"

Having my words flung back at them right in front of everyone, having their blatant favoritism exposed so rawly, my father's eyes immediately reddened with fury as he took a vicious step forward.

"Crack!"

A crisp, resounding slap echoed sharply through the quiet hospital corridor. The blow was immensely forceful, instantly numbing half of my face in a burning wave of heat. My ears rang, and the left side of my mind went entirely blank. My whole body stiffened in place, thoroughly shell-shocked, chilled to the very marrow of my bones. From childhood until now, my parents had never laid a single finger on me. This was the absolute first time my father had ever struck me.

Yet, not a single soul paid the slightest attention to my shock, my agony, or my internal collapse. Tiao, lying upon the bed, let out a soft moan, waking up seemingly due to discomfort. The very next second, the entire focus of both my parents and my brother converged entirely upon her. I stood rooted to the spot, feeling like a redundant, laughable outsider. The chilly draft cut through the corridor, stinging the edges of my eyes until they turned red. My vision burned with hot, agonizing tears that pooled heavily in my sockets, yet I stubbornly refused to let them fall.